Please tell me your positive stories of kids being split up in new classes

[Scottishmum1984]

Please help calm my anxiety by telling me some positive stories of your kids coping in new classes.

Child has been split up from her three best friends are all in class together for the last three years of primary school and by DD is by hersed She is beside herself and I am putting on a positive face in front of her, but feeling very worried myself. She is shy and lacks confidence. She does some out of school activities with the girls though. I can't do anything about it, school not interested. Does anyone have stories of your kids managing to maintain friendships despite being split up? I'm so worried about how lonely and isolated she will feel (she is 9 for context).

This happened to my DS(7) last September, so going into Y2. It was his own fault really because they asked the children - but not the parents - who they wanted to be put with. DS wrote 20 names, and ended up getting split from the three boys he was most friendly with, including his closest school friend.

Almost a year later he has drifted apart from his old friends, but has made new friends. I don't believe it has benefitted him, but he has coped well.

I have found it a pain in the arse because I had got to know the parents in his old class and was friendly with some, whereas in the new class nobody had made much effort because the class will be reshuffled again next year.

I do think the school needed to do it, because the classes ended up unbalanced for SEN and gender and numbers.

This happened to my DD going into Yr3 (now Yr6) - and was a big worry at first.
She always had lots of friends but no special friendships - it meant that lockdown for example she wasn't really in contact with others.
She now has the loveliest set of besties and is so settled through yr5 &6 that it's sad that they are splitting up for secondary.

They are mixing up DD2's class for the first time this year going into yr3. Waiting to see who she's gonna be with. I know that she's being split up from the mean girl with the gobby mother which i am delighted about (already confirmed by phase leader) but hopeful that she will have some friends still. She has social issues so isn't starting with many friends.....

Yeh I mentioned playdate idea but she was still a bit too sad to think about it. She’s very shy. It took her a long time to build up those friendships

she Has lovely friends. I would be okay with the drifting apart thing if it’s organic and she made new friendships. It’s just that she is so chronically shy and my fear is original friendship group staying together and her being left on her own abs struggling to make new friendships, just seems such an unfair thing for an 8 year old.

My best friend and I were split up and put into separate classes in year 1.

30 years later and I still can't get rid of her!

thanks everyone, all these stories really help

her being left on her own and struggling to make new friendships, just seems such an unfair thing for an 8 year old.

I agree, I can't think of any other situation where you would try to build confidence by pulling the rug out from under. However I will say (in DS's case) the reshuffle has been good for children who were on the periphery socially. I notice everyone has found a niche, whether that is due to the reshuffle or just getting older.

Hi Op - I feel your painbut slightly diffrently - just moved and my anxious 8 year old has left behind her best friend. Think of it this way - children move house/ move school - they face change in life -they will still have each other at playtime and after school. Its so hard as parents to see them sad but generally kids cope with it and within a few months even if it's hard at first, she will have settled in her new friendship circle.

Surely playtime they will still be together?

They'll still see each other in the playground, lunch time and such so they can still bond. My DD is autistic and I was on the ceiling about the changing classmates situation but its been great so far. Shes met kids from Romania right over to Canada just by having this switch over (her previous class was more British kids but from different backgrounds, these are new kids who have joined the school over the year) So yes your DD should be absolutely fine. Good luck to her!

She'll be fine. IME children in established friendship groups, especially if its not a particularly 'good' one ie has a queen bee, dont do as well socially/struggle more than children who meet new children. They are 11/12. They'll be fine. Big deep breaths and encouragement - do not engage in chat about not knowing anyone. BIg smiles and reminders that they can see them before/after/break/lunch and won't it be good to have new pals.

It is uncommon practice for children not to know anyone from school but primaries are doing it less and less now.

A reminder that you wont know anyone at college, uni, a job might be helpful too.

I sound brutal but the pandering doesnt help.

and PLEASE dont do what someone I knew did and asked the child to be moved. What they managed to do there was totally unsettle the new friendship group and the class they left was not too happy at being deemed to be inferior.

Dammit OP, sorry I read this as a primary school child going secondary.

Our school sent an email reminding parents that the longest any child will be apart from another is the two hours between lunch and home, and that's not including sports and assembly days.
It was gentle and reassuring, but also had a 🙄tone to it.

That’s okay!

This is so so hard to swallow OP when there are 4 kids and you are that one separated. Even if they had been put into 4 separate classes it would seem better.
could it be that the teachers see the four-some as a bit cliquey and want to encourage new friendships? Especially if your kid is shy - to get her to branch out a bit? Not that it isn’t hard.
8 is young to be talking best friends for life. She will go through many friendships - this class change is just one step for her and she will meet loads of lovely friends over her school life and beyond.
Encourage friendships out of school too - clubs, activities, friends’ lids etc.

Yeh the school was not sympathetic. It could end up a good thing, I realise that is a reasonable possible outcome. It’s just a hard one to see at the moment!

Thank you! Yes she does some out of school activities, unfortunately all with the same girls. She does one by herself with no one in her school, but she doesn’t talk to anyone that I can see during the class. She told me she is not the kind of person to make new friends as she can’t get her words out.

I don’t know how to help her with that apart from gentle encouragement of course

My son's class split. He had two close friends but I can't even remember what year it is now or who was in his class. His new classmates are a lovely bunch, he's happy and sometimes plays with his previous classmates at lunch. Not worth the stress!

A bit younger: both DD and the daughter of our best friends joined the same school for year 1. One of the reasons why we were comfortable taking her out of her current school was because we thought she'd find it easier to settle in the new school if she had her best friend with her. We asked the school many times to out them in the same class and they always said it wouldn't be a problem. Then, of course, despite all of their reassurances they put them in different classes. We were really, really upset and I was very worried about how DD (very shy and insecure) would settle in. It actually turned out to be a really good thing. DD made lots of friends. Friends that she had much more in common with then our friend's daughter. She's become very confident and social probably because she had to be to make friends with new kids. She still sees a lot of her original friend so it's all good and we are all very happy about it now.

I also think it's good to have good friends that aren't on your class. Then when something bad happens inside your class you've got friends from elsewhere to Fall back on.

Op, I know it's hard and I was devastated too at the time but it will probably be ok and maybe even a good thing.

Ps. Any friends issues massively outweighed by the new dynamic in the classes, much better for confidence and learning if the school get that right

My dc's school don't tell us about new classes until a day or two before the end of term to stop parents from asking for changes.

Thank you. Yeah it’s hard that they go after the summer. Im not going to mention anything over summer and try not to think about it (doubtful I will succeed!). I’m hoping that she doesn’t dwell on it over summer either as it’s really ruined the last few weeks of term.

@KilmordenCastle yes I’m sure I wasn’t the first person to call the school. Although I didn’t expect to end up in tears. I do also have a throat infection and pmt at the moment that won’t be helping though!

NC fail, OP? just in case theres anything sensitive

Yea sorry jumping between desktop and mobile!