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Original poster

Please tell me your positive stories of kids being split up in new classes

125 replies

Scottishmum1984 · 27/06/2022 21:41

Please help calm my anxiety by telling me some positive stories of your kids coping in new classes.

Child has been split up from her three best friends are all in class together for the last three years of primary school and by DD is by hersed She is beside herself and I am putting on a positive face in front of her, but feeling very worried myself. She is shy and lacks confidence. She does some out of school activities with the girls though. I can't do anything about it, school not interested. Does anyone have stories of your kids managing to maintain friendships despite being split up? I'm so worried about how lonely and isolated she will feel (she is 9 for context).

OP posts:
GenItalienSchauen · 28/06/2022 08:38

My children have now all left school, OP, but mixing up classes and friendship groups has over the years been a fantastic and very positive thing. I think some of the people on this thread who are also anxious probably all have younger children. Once you're at the other end, you will probably think it was a fantastic thing for your daughter to have been 'forced' to make new friends.

Even if that particular friendship group stayed together, there's every chance that that it would change over the course of secondary school. I'm assuming your daughter is primary level; things change massively at secondary level. A couple of 'old' friendships will stick (my DC still all have one or two really good friends from prep school, despite the fact that they all went to different secondary schools), but most of them will shift and change more or less constantly (especially with girls in Years 7-10). It will only take your daughter to make a couple of good friends in her new class - and being shy isn't a barrier to friendships. Other girls will soon get to know her and will value her for being her!

Beamur · 28/06/2022 08:38

Because DD was in a mixed year class, half the class changed every year. It was a good thing and did enable more mixed friendship groups.
Having a tight little group that you're very attached to is great when you all get on but devastating when they fall out.
It's all change again at high school.
It will be fine and well done OP for being positive about it to her even if you don't feel it.

psychomath · 28/06/2022 09:17

@tall1234 yeah, of course it was a long time ago now but I don't recall that it affected them at all really. We had seating plans so we didn't get to sit with our friends in lessons anyway and then at break and lunch we were all together.

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 09:48

Thanks!

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 13:20

Thanks everyone. I honestly feel so much better. I’ll update a few weeks in term

PrincessSpanky · 28/06/2022 13:26

DS1 met his best friend in P2 after class shake up. In S3 they are still best friends.

DS2 is just going into P2 after shakeup. It will take him a wee while to settle, that I know.

From memory the only big shake up is going into P2. But will have to wait and see with the new HT we're getting.

De88 · 28/06/2022 13:26

Has happened with all of mine so far- they barely seemed to notice! They'd still see and play with their "old" friends in the playground, still invite them for parties etc. My older daughter we did help a bit more by prompting a few times about whether she wanted to see her "old" friends (more because we felt sorry for them not her!) and she really wasn't bothered either way.

MsTSwift · 28/06/2022 13:27

There will be a reason. In dds two class year it became apparent that all the more challenging children were in one class and the biddable “good” ones were in the other. There was also an impenetrable clique of alpha girls in the “good” class that dominated and intimidated the other girls. When they inevitably mixed classes some of the mums of the girls in the “good” class went insane. 7 or or so years on they all now at secondary kids are all absolutely fine but some of the mums are still pissed off about it! Too funny.

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 13:29

Yeh I have started wondering, as my daughter is the least confident and her friends are quite alpha if they want to match her with different kids. Who knows though!

Vallmo47 · 28/06/2022 13:38

Many other reassuring posts Op but here’s another one- this happened to my daughter this year. She literally “lost” all her previous closest friends as they were split into four year 5/6 mixed classes. School didn’t want to hear me out at all, I even cried (similar story to you- a lot going on and my mental health isn’t the best on a normal day anyway).
My daughter is now coming to the end of the first mixed year and they have been mixed yet again for year 6 (due to the current leaving I guess, but they’ve decided to mix the year 5’s becoming 6 as well).

I wish I hadn’t worried, that’s the point of this reply. My daughter not only made friends with new people but she still finds whoever she wants to play with at both breaks and lunch. The whole thing has turned into her knowing absolutely everyone. She’s also matured massively from hanging out with the year 6’s. Just see how it goes is my advice Op, you might be surprised at how well it all goes.

I can also share that I have a son in year 9 who had only one best friend through primary. They went to the same school but the classes are all mixed according to ability and every single break and lunch they manage to find each other without fail. My son said they just agreed on an area to hang in and that’s where they meet. The group has now grown to be 5/6 regulars who always go to that one spot to talk and hang out. Kids find a way.

minipie · 28/06/2022 13:47

Our school mixes at Y3.

As PP have said, they get to know their new class but seek out their old friends at playtime - end result is everyone knows everyone.

It does suck that your DD’s friends are all together and she might have to work a bit harder to find them in the playground, but I’m sure they’ll still want to play with her. Maybe she can try suggesting a regular meeting point for lunchtimes?

On the plus side she will end up with a larger and more resilient group of friends. I know kids with a single bestie or small besties group who have been devastated when the others moved away or to a different school, and they didn’t know anyone else.

Plus it’s good practice for making friends in senior school.

Legdaysucks · 28/06/2022 14:10

I have a positive story 👏 my best friend in first school from the age of 5 was put in a different class to me at middle school, and then went to a different high school. During the school day we spent hardly any time together, but evenings, weekends and school holidays were a different story... 30 years later we are still best friends, we live very close to each other, our DHs are old friends, and now our DC go to school together and are best friends.... There was one time we ran away together on a school day trip because we had been split up into different groups and all hell broke loose!

MsTSwift · 28/06/2022 17:02

Surely it’s more weird to stay with the same group of children for 7 years!. Mixing it up is good. People do hate change though.

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 18:54

@MsTSwift more just all her friends are together which makes it seem mean!

MsTSwift · 28/06/2022 18:58

There might be a reason for that if they are bossyboots types - she might thrive…

FlamingoDust · 28/06/2022 19:33

This happened twice to my shy daughter most recently at age 9. It has done her the world of good. Her confidence has grown and she is more resiliant. She still sees her best friends at break and lunch but has made more friends along the way. She is off to secondary soon and is really excited and not bothered at all who is in her class. Most of the others seem much more nervous but I think her experience has done her the world of good!

user1487194234 · 28/06/2022 19:35

Similar happened to my DS ,I went into the school and said I was unhappy and they moved her

Kendrickspenguin · 28/06/2022 19:51

My youngest was split up from all of his friends when he started year 1. I was quite worried about how he would manage. As we waited for the classroom doors to open on the first day of the new school year we spotted a new boy in the class. I went over and introduced DS. They are going into year 5 this September, and they are still best friends.

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 22:23

They won't move her

tall1234 · 29/06/2022 07:13

It’s nice to hear some have kept their old friends too. I’d be sad for her if she didn’t through no fault of their own

BackToTheTop · 29/06/2022 07:33

This happened to my dd, her primary school was small so classes merged and she was the only one to remain In her (then) current class, everyone else went up. My dd was so upset, it, it really broke my heart to see her so unhappy

Turned out her teacher was brilliant and she loved her, the teacher in the higher class was awful and the kids hated her. After about 6 weeks my dd was so happy she's stayed in her original class and it didn't affect her friendships. I thought initially it was because my dd needed extra help with class work, however it's not negatively impacted her work and she's getting projected A and B for her GCSE's now.

tall1234 · 29/06/2022 07:40

@BackToTheTop so she stayed friends with kids in the other class too?

Quartz2208 · 29/06/2022 08:00

DD was split from her 3 best nursery friends going into Reception - they are all still in very close contact and she had a sleepover last weekend with them and is going to Scoutabout this weekend and they are 13.

She made new friends (and she was very shy) and had a bigger group. She made another best friend as well whom she was split from in Year 3. They remained good friends (although she moved to Switzerland in Year 6) but they are definitely still in contact

What are the dynamics between the 4 because if your DD is often not heard I do wonder if there might be a reason for it.

DS has 2 friends from Nursery he has never been in a class with - they are still good friends

NightmareSituation · 29/06/2022 08:05

They do this every year at our school and it is a great chance to meet new friends but in a familiar environment. It helps prepare them for secondary school.

tall1234 · 29/06/2022 08:05

@Quartz2208 she’s confident within the group of friends but not confident like the others when it comes to things like talking to new people / standing up in class and talking / reading aloud etc

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