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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find that working in a school really puts me off having children?

132 replies

ElephantePicante · 27/06/2022 21:28

I love my job but corr blimey what a form of contraception it is. The genuine mental health issues where children can't get through their daily timetable without 20 time outs and check ins, the students who MUST be escorted from the front gate because they can't possibly walk 2 minutes on their own, the competitive (and questionable) mental health issues about self harm and who has the worst anxiety, the bullying over snap chat, the not recognising that they're nervous for a test (which is normal) and not suffering from an anxiety disorder, the parents who demand that their child isn't possibly absconding from lesson and there must be a genuine reason why their little angel isn't in class, the school refusers, the teachers verbally abused by snowflakey parents at the gate, the parents who find it outrageous that their child gets a sanction for forgetting their P.E. bag. I could go on. Friends who work in Primaries have equally enlightening stories. It's all sad and exhausting at the same time and really makes you stop and think about whether you want to condemn yourself to it all. Nobody holds their gorgeous newborn and thinks they'll turn out to be hard work and the cause of 10 phone calls a week from school.

OP posts:
eatingasatsuma · 27/06/2022 21:31

I think everything you have described is just real life with children. Once you have your own (if you can/want to obvs) then you'll see it's all just part of the ups and downs of having children!! They're bloody awesome too you know!

Crocsandshocks · 27/06/2022 21:31

Hmm. But don't you see the joy and potential in these kids too? Your perspective seems very glass half empty. Having kids is utterly overwhelming, but you see them as individuals, not humans with a set of problems and inadequacies.

Momicrone · 27/06/2022 21:32

Just focusing on the negatives in life isn't going to get you very far

daytimedreams · 27/06/2022 21:34

I have to agree.

HumunaHey · 27/06/2022 21:35

You definitely sound like having children isn't right for you.

On a separate note, you're linking annoying parents with putting you off having children. That makes no sense.

Seashor · 27/06/2022 21:35

You are absolutely right , it’s contraception at its very best.

carefullycourageous · 27/06/2022 21:36

You don't sound like you'd be a very positive parent so probably for the best it has put you off?

I've worked in schools and saw loads of lovely kids. I've got lovely kids. My nieces and nephews were lovely kids.

You find what you look for I think, when it comes to kids.

ElephantePicante · 27/06/2022 21:36

The joy and potential in some yes. But the tears and utter exhaustion in the Mum and Dad at their wits end with how to drag their son into school. It all seems so much of a gamble. It looks heartbreaking to end up with a child that you put your all into but who can't cope with normal life despite all the interventions and support.

OP posts:
tiredanddangerous · 27/06/2022 21:37

I work in a secondary and I relate to everything you've said. Fortunately I'd had my children before I got my job!

ofwarren · 27/06/2022 21:37

For me it's totally different with my own children.
I honestly don't like kids at all, but I love my own.

ElephantePicante · 27/06/2022 21:37

@HumunaHey because I'd hate to turn into that type of parent

OP posts:
XelaM · 27/06/2022 21:38

I agree about all the anxiety and mental health conditions that kids nowadays simple must have. When my daughter was younger she was convinced she had OCD based on some videos she watched online of some teen describing all the million symptoms. I have never met a messier person who is least likely to suffer from OCD than my daughter. One look in her room would be enough. 🤦‍♀️ Thankfully she's over that phase and just a usual unfriendly moody teen now. 😂

Doloresabernathy1 · 27/06/2022 21:38

Yes, but how many pupils are you dealing with in a high school? About 1000?

When you have your own you're only going to have a couple. So it's less annoying.

XelaM · 27/06/2022 21:38

simply*

Cherryblossoms85 · 27/06/2022 21:40

Hmm seems like bad parenting to me, but mine are at primary school, so maybe I'll be eating my words.

MummaTrinee · 27/06/2022 21:41

Ynbu to not want kids but are because you appear to think that's what childhood is all about.

My 13 year old is wonderful young lady obviously not without her own difficulties as all children have. But I haven't had one negative call about her in secondary school quite the opposite I get weekly calls about her being a great student.and I don't make excuses for bad behaviour.

Yes of course there are parents that do but it can't be the majority of them.

My 4 year old she is a another kettle of fish i have no doubt she will cause some trouble, and I won't be excusing it. I don't excuse it now.

Maybe you're fed up after a long day, but you seem like you only see the worst in your class, maybe that's why you get the worst.

StottyCakeandJam · 27/06/2022 21:41

It’s generally the parents that are the problem and from what you’ve said here, you won’t be one of THOSE parents. I think you’re safe to have children. 😉

ElephantePicante · 27/06/2022 21:42

I dont only see the worst, I do see the realities though.

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Sleepingsatellite1 · 27/06/2022 21:42

I’m glad I had mine before I started working in a school! Not because I worried they’d be like that, most of that comes from their upbringing (sorry but it’s true) but because it can be so wearing that I don’t think I could’ve imagined adding my own kids into the mix 🤣

MummaTrinee · 27/06/2022 21:43

XelaM · 27/06/2022 21:38

I agree about all the anxiety and mental health conditions that kids nowadays simple must have. When my daughter was younger she was convinced she had OCD based on some videos she watched online of some teen describing all the million symptoms. I have never met a messier person who is least likely to suffer from OCD than my daughter. One look in her room would be enough. 🤦‍♀️ Thankfully she's over that phase and just a usual unfriendly moody teen now. 😂

Haha, sounds like my daughter 😂

ofwarren · 27/06/2022 21:45

XelaM · 27/06/2022 21:38

I agree about all the anxiety and mental health conditions that kids nowadays simple must have. When my daughter was younger she was convinced she had OCD based on some videos she watched online of some teen describing all the million symptoms. I have never met a messier person who is least likely to suffer from OCD than my daughter. One look in her room would be enough. 🤦‍♀️ Thankfully she's over that phase and just a usual unfriendly moody teen now. 😂

It's a common myth that everyone with OCD is a neat freak. It's an anxiety disorder where people have ritual compulsions www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/ocd-mind-world-health-organisation-tuppence-middleton-covid-b1900568.html

UWhatNow · 27/06/2022 21:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Sleepingsatellite1 · 27/06/2022 21:47

ofwarren · 27/06/2022 21:45

It's a common myth that everyone with OCD is a neat freak. It's an anxiety disorder where people have ritual compulsions www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/ocd-mind-world-health-organisation-tuppence-middleton-covid-b1900568.html

Exactly, I have OCD and I’m not tidy at all and when the dr diagnosed me the first thing I said was ‘But my house is a mess’ 😄

Vernonia · 27/06/2022 21:49

The awful thing about this is the assumption that there is something wrong with all the kids rather than questioning the school environment and curriculum.

MummaTrinee · 27/06/2022 21:50

ElephantePicante · 27/06/2022 21:42

I dont only see the worst, I do see the realities though.

It sounds like you've had a bad day/ term.

Having your own kids will be so different and will have someone who has the time and love for them. A lot of children have so much to contend with