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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find that working in a school really puts me off having children?

132 replies

ElephantePicante · 27/06/2022 21:28

I love my job but corr blimey what a form of contraception it is. The genuine mental health issues where children can't get through their daily timetable without 20 time outs and check ins, the students who MUST be escorted from the front gate because they can't possibly walk 2 minutes on their own, the competitive (and questionable) mental health issues about self harm and who has the worst anxiety, the bullying over snap chat, the not recognising that they're nervous for a test (which is normal) and not suffering from an anxiety disorder, the parents who demand that their child isn't possibly absconding from lesson and there must be a genuine reason why their little angel isn't in class, the school refusers, the teachers verbally abused by snowflakey parents at the gate, the parents who find it outrageous that their child gets a sanction for forgetting their P.E. bag. I could go on. Friends who work in Primaries have equally enlightening stories. It's all sad and exhausting at the same time and really makes you stop and think about whether you want to condemn yourself to it all. Nobody holds their gorgeous newborn and thinks they'll turn out to be hard work and the cause of 10 phone calls a week from school.

OP posts:
Howeverdoyouneedme · 27/06/2022 21:51

I don’t think those examples are the norm though?

Pedallleur · 27/06/2022 21:51

My daughter delights me all the time. Smart, funny, cheeky in a good way, polite. There are others in her school who may not be but I can't worry about them unless they impact my daughter. @UWhatNow he has it right. You have to put the work in and set an example.

Pedallleur · 27/06/2022 21:53

Typo alert. No idea if @UWhatNow Is he/she

KissThaRain · 27/06/2022 21:54

My kids aren’t angels but not devils either but some other kids are just -NO WAY. Naturally mummy thinks they are little darlings

Anotherdayanotherdisappointment · 27/06/2022 21:54

Working in a school makes m feel like a good parent after dealing with batshit complaints from (albeit only a few, but notorious) batshit parents!

cushionpillow · 27/06/2022 21:55

I adore the kids but I am totally over the parents.

Arenanewbie · 27/06/2022 21:56

oh yes, it’s true in some way. I remember I worked at nursery at 18 and I thought the same but then I’ve met my now DH and all these disappeared. Young cousin (19 y.o) visited us for a few day when DD was one and we had particular hard time as a couple, we quarrelled basically none stop, he came home and announced his mum that seen us he would never get married, of course he’s happily married now with a kid.
How old are you and do you have a partner? Apologies if it’s mentioned,.

KLS2222 · 27/06/2022 21:57

ElephantePicante · 27/06/2022 21:28

I love my job but corr blimey what a form of contraception it is. The genuine mental health issues where children can't get through their daily timetable without 20 time outs and check ins, the students who MUST be escorted from the front gate because they can't possibly walk 2 minutes on their own, the competitive (and questionable) mental health issues about self harm and who has the worst anxiety, the bullying over snap chat, the not recognising that they're nervous for a test (which is normal) and not suffering from an anxiety disorder, the parents who demand that their child isn't possibly absconding from lesson and there must be a genuine reason why their little angel isn't in class, the school refusers, the teachers verbally abused by snowflakey parents at the gate, the parents who find it outrageous that their child gets a sanction for forgetting their P.E. bag. I could go on. Friends who work in Primaries have equally enlightening stories. It's all sad and exhausting at the same time and really makes you stop and think about whether you want to condemn yourself to it all. Nobody holds their gorgeous newborn and thinks they'll turn out to be hard work and the cause of 10 phone calls a week from school.

@ElephantePicante I am a secondary school teacher too and I see everything that you have just described every day of my working week. I don't think people who are not working with vast numbers of young people everyday necessarily get the challenges and issues that they present. But... I also teach so many fantastic students that make me smile and really make my day. Just makes me reflect on what type of parent I don't want to be, if I ever do have children!

UWhatNow · 27/06/2022 21:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Crocsandshocks · 27/06/2022 22:01

Op, is your school in a rough area?

ElephantePicante · 27/06/2022 22:03

No. A privileged area.

OP posts:
Momicrone · 27/06/2022 22:05

Plenty of kids aren't like that

beautifulworldwhereareyou · 27/06/2022 22:05

Uhhh yeah but not for any of those reasons. Purely because I could not be fucked with a) coming home from work and there being MORE children there and b) missing out in my own kids’ stuff like plays and sports day because I’m too busy running it for other people’s children.

I also just don’t really want children. I absolutely love kids and think they’re amazing but I love my life as it is.

Beachbabe1 · 27/06/2022 22:09

This is what made me leave working im schools!!! Its pretty hellish!! Lol

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 27/06/2022 22:10

But you must also see the shy kid who over comes their fears to do something awesome. Or the weird kid who’s actually hilariously dry. The goth who has a crush on the jock kid and it’s so obvious. Kids are annoying but they are also great and interesting and opinionated and individual and often wrong and sometimes right. I love working with young people.

Sleepingsatellite1 · 27/06/2022 22:16

I love the kids, they can be very tiring but it’s worth it BUT some of the parents make it so difficult and unpleasant it makes a lot of people give up the job.

frazzledmonster · 27/06/2022 22:17

As someone who has one of these 'problem' children. This is a difficult op to read - is this how you see the kids you work with?
I'm probably just being defense about it (it's been a tough day). But my DC is so much more than the problems they have - they are fun, joyful and loving.

Isaidno22 · 27/06/2022 22:18

I think you are possibly in the wrong school and you need one in a different catchment with stronger leadership.
I used to think like that about having children and working in a school but then as I got older, I changed my mind. My family were gobsmacked when I announced my pregnancy. However, picking a name for your own is a little more challenging after some of the cherubs you’ve taught!
I will say it is difficult to have your own young children and keep up with the expectations and hours and hours of your own unpaid time that you are expected to freely give away that come with teaching. I tell my students what it’s like having kids and the challenges and opportunities they bring- contraception works both ways!
My work days can be exhausting, draining and repetitive. Teaching is not a career for life but there are days when it can be the absolute best and they make you properly belly laugh.
Kids make you old but also keep you young.

Crocsandshocks · 27/06/2022 22:20

It kind of makes me question the school system rather than the kids themselves though.

WonderingWanda · 27/06/2022 22:21

It's never made me feel that way. I've been a secondary teacher for over 20yrs and have kids of my own. Becoming a parent has made me more aware of where parents get it wrong even when they are trying to get it right and it actually making life harder for their own kids. Kids are human and will have ups and downs and make good choices and bad choices. As a teacher at work and a parent at home it is my job to equip them with as many skills as I can to deal with what life throws at them. Also, working with kids from desperately sad backgrounds just makes me want to love and nurture my own kids more.

germsandcoffee · 27/06/2022 22:21

You sound like a prehistoric knobhead 🤷‍♀️
I wouldn't have a child if I had your attitude

calmlakes · 27/06/2022 22:22

I work as a therapist with the nervous dc who struggle to get to school and the dc who self-harm and the ones who can't sit still.
Honestly they are all actually pretty great in the right place.
Perfect no, they can be moody, grumpy or self absorbed sometimes.
But they can be funny, clever and self deprecating. They are capable of changing the parts they need to and keeping the parts they don't.

Some parents are great, some not so great.

CallOnMe · 27/06/2022 22:23

The majority of teachers I know don’t have kids.

If you’ve watched Friends then I guess it’s like the gynaecologist saying to Rachel about her not wanting to see another cup of coffee 🤣

I get what you’re saying about the anxiety and MH conditions that many ’suffer’ with but I don’t think that would put me off having kids.

FWIW my DD has autism in mainstream and has no special allowances. She is able to mask it very well during school hours and unmasks when she’s home.
I also work in an SEND and find less of them have anxiety and need time outs much less frequently than mainstream students.

ObviouslyNotAFan · 27/06/2022 22:27

Don't you remember being a kid/teen though? I was a fecking nightmare in some ways - pushed boundaries, attention seeking, trying to fit in and be different at the same time, trying to act like an adult whilst actually behaving like a toddler. I was also relatively clever, pretty and from a poor background - all things I was navigating as they each presented their own issues in the social sphere.

I'm now a nice, well-rounded, productive member of society, with a good job. I'm nice to everyone I meet and try to give what I can to the world and make it a better place for my lovely children and their peers. My days truanting, shoplifting, snogging randoms, smoking, bitching about friends etc are long behind me but I'm hoping I'll retain some memory of being a little shit when my own children and their mates are less than perfect.

Sadly my days of being pretty and clever seem to be a distant memory too 😂

The parents though, yeah - they should know better!

oakleaffy · 27/06/2022 22:40

''Competitive anxiety''

Had to laugh at this :)