AIBU to think my neighbour has lost the plot.

[ActualMadness]

I have name changed for this as having massive problems with my neighbour for various reasons so could be identified. My neighbours are horrible and extremely antisocial but that’s a thread for another time. The man has just come knocking on my door ranting and raving I chose not to answer, so he came to my open kitchen window and started shouting about how we have been constantly racist towards him and his family as well as lots of other accusations and unpleasantness. The reason I think he has lost the plot is that both our families are white British, so putting the fact that nobody in my household is racist to one side for a moment how on earth does he think this is even a possibility. I knew he was crazy but this encounter has cemented it for me, I am just hoping and praying they decide to move soon.

@Floella22 thank you

I myself am not trying to prove the OP said anything racist to the protagonist (the OP says she has not, I accept that) nor am I trying to prove the OP is racist - there is nothing in that for me.

But the OP is making assumptions about race and I have tried to explain this will only weaken her case as it makes the OP sound racist and ill-informed.

If the OP goes to the HA and says 'I didn't say anything racist because he is white British' the HA are going to at her, rightly IMO.

A few points that might help:

1. You won't be allowed to have a meeting with the HA with other residents. They will do a safeguarding assessment on you, your family and him and his family and risk assess.
2. Please stop doing anything verbally over the phone. Written responses only. Put it in the file.
3. Ask the housing association to warn him to stay away from you, your family and your premises. As others have said the situation is potentially very dangerous. Ask when they have sent the letter/visited him for the warning.
4. Ask for time scales and an action plan from them.
5. Get your paperwork in date order.
6. If point 3 does not work immediately - consider solicitor's letter with injunction to make him stay away from you, your property etc.
7. Re: eviction it is not so easy. He may be classed as a vulnerable person. It also depends very much on the type of tenancy he has. If it is an older tenancy he may have more rights. I've been told this by someone is is very well informed.
8. As misogynist as it is, he will react differently to a man around. I hate even to suggest this, but if you can arrange for a male friend (preferably large) to hang around in your garden having a smoke on occasion- this might help a bit. It is a territorial thing.
9. Yes to the Housing Ombudsman. Though be prepared for them to be incompetent. I had to complain about them as they mixed my complaint up with someone else's. YES REALLY.
10. Try to get yourself a support worker who will support you - google VOCAS. Contact Victim Support - you can meet with them.
11. It is very hard but do try not to be intimidated. I know it is hard but that is just what they want, I'm afraid. Abusers are all the same.
12. Sorry you are going through this.
13. Give yourself a time frame - unless it improves within a certain time frame prepare to move. For the sake of your mental health it really isn't worth it.
14. Oh and get a freedom of information act request from the police with your name on it so that you can evidence how many times you have complained. (This won't be pretty to look at as he has probably complained about you too, and these bits will be redacted i.e blanked out). But you will recognise his voice on the documents i.e. always coming out with the same counter accusations.

@carefullycourageous surely the fact that OP assumed he is white British means she has not been racist/xenophobic on the grounds of traveller/Irish/Eastern European status?

If she assumed he'd white British, as is she, then it's unlikely she has been discriminatory on the basis of him being of another race
/ethnicity or nationality

oh and when he is warned to stay away, even if he does you will find him talking in a loud voice to others about you, whilst staying in his own premises.

If and when this happens, make it clear to the Housing Association that this is slander and if they allow it to continue - you will sue them for enabling it.

After that, wait, be patient. Smile. Watch your back.

And get a freedom of information request from the HA as well.

Community Triggers in my experience are worse than hopeless.

Send all letters by special delivery put receipts in a file. If you do send emails - make sure you get the receipt thing.

Copy your letter to the Trustees of the Housing Association every time. By Special Delivery. Costs seven quid odd but then they can't say they didn't receive it.

Head it up with WITHOUT PREJUDICE. Don't forget to do this!

That's not how it works. The fact the OP has assumed he is white British doesn't mean that he is. Remember when Ross Barkley was compared to having the intelligence of an ape the newspaper in question assumed he was white British, but was still condemned for being racist because it turned out he had some African heritage.

Racism isn't always a conscious choice. People don't think "I'm going to racially abuse someone today" - in fact, thinking you're not being racist is often a sure-fire sign that you're unaware of your own racism.

Slander is a civil not a criminal offence. But if you sue the HA that will cost them money which is the point.

Sigh. But she hasn't been racist.

Copy your letter to the Housing Ombudsman to the Housing Association CEO/copy to ASB unit and the Trustees.

Put WITHOUT PREJUDICE ON the letter at the top.

@stayingpositiveifpossible thank you so much that is great advice

No problem AM. I've been through this and thankfully out the other end now. (I hope)

@Dotjones not to the person, but by deciding he is white British, if he is not, the op is risking not responding appropriately to something that may be an aggravating/complicating factor in the case.

The op says he's not a traveller, is white British, but based on nothing but her own assumptions... which does sound a bit unwise.

If your defence is 'I wasn't racist because I perceived you to be white' that sounds problematic.

If your defence is 'I wasn't racist because I am not racist' that sounds better.

This person is citing racism. It is therefore sensible for the op to consider whether she may be incorrect in her assessment that he is white British.

The OP is trying to point out that regardless of whether or not she may be a racist, she doesn't believe she is, in the case of this neighbour she assumed he was the same colour and race as her so had no reason to be racist.
Is that so hard to understand?

Presumably in her complaint op will state that she is being called a racist although she has not used any racist language or behaved in a biased way.

@carefullycourageous i get you point, I was just explaining badly that I have not been racist, I have not physically crossed paths with this family for over a year. I set an alarm to peg washing out at 4:30 because that is a safe time to enter my own enclosed garden, I absolutely do not want to have any form of contact with this individual. He is completely unstable and targets every single property in the street not just me. He regularly stand outside people houses shouting abuse and vile accusations, it really is not on.

Women, and Irish isn't a race. Try again

Reading this I don’t think this has anything to do with racism what so ever so why people are mainly going on about that part of it and not the fact of this poor lady being assaulted is beyond
me
the guy is clearly unstable most likely on drugs at times probs wouldn’t even know what he says but this needs to be stopped now as I really don’t like to say
but look at the guy in news recently who killed his neighbour and attacked others after a barrage of abuse
I would state this to the police and council and tell them you are petrified this could be you next
sorry if this is worrying but this needs to be taken seriously
before it escalated to something much worse
good luck but I would phone even go in person everyday they take this seriously after such a terrible event happened to that poor street where a guy list his life over a so called unstable tenant

If your defence is 'I wasn't racist because I perceived you to be white' that sounds problematic

You seem to misunderstand the logic. If the "defence" is that: I percieved you to be white British and therefore even if I wanted to be racist I had no basis to be and wouldn't be able to come up with anything racist to say"...it makes perfect sense.

You can't be racist against someone you believe to be the same race as you, even if you are in fact a racist.

Anti Irish racism is well known and well reported.

Ant-Irish sentiment is well known and well reported. Not racism, as again, Irish is not a race.

I think you will find you’re wrong and that the legal definition of race includes nationality.

hr.qmul.ac.uk/equality/protected-characteristics/race/definition-of-race--equality-act-2010/

I think you'll find that the UK does not decide what words mean for the whole world. I'm not British, and I do know for a fact that Irish is NOT A RACE.

CupidStunt22

Just catching up on the thread and I see some are still trying to make this about race, it would be funny if it wasn't so shockingly obtuse.

I guess the saying "You can't argue with stupid" applies here!