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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Afternoon Delight

119 replies

6079SmithW · 27/06/2022 15:39

I'm feeling hurt and upset (and sexually frustrated ☹️).

I am working from home today. My DP has a day off and is doing some gardening. My DC are with their childminder.

As I was coming to a natural lull in my work, I decided to take a break and lie down for ten minutes, but when I got into bed I started feeling really horny. I called my DP in from the garden and suggested we get straight to it ...

He not only turned me down shaking his head and saying unbelievable repeatedly, but got really cross and had a proper go at me "couldn't I see that he was busy" etc.

Aside from the fact that he has left me sexually frustrated and knowing this won't be resolved (if I ask him for sex tonight I know he'll just say that his back is too sore from gardening), I am confused. Who would rather garden than have sex??

I'm also really upset and hurt by his reaction. I know the gardening needs to be done, but there is no hurry. I didn't really see much of him over the weekend - he stayed at his own house because he had his son 9am Saturday to 4pm Sunday, and he goes back to work tomorrow.

AIBU to have expected him to stop gardening to have sex?

OP posts:
FayeGovan · 27/06/2022 15:40

Well if this was written by a man he'd get pelters so yabu

KyaClark · 27/06/2022 15:40

Yes.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 27/06/2022 15:41

YABU to expect him to have sex on demand. YANBU to want to have sex with your partner. Have tried talking to him about it?

inmyslippers · 27/06/2022 15:41

How's your sex life over all?

Sunshineandflipflops · 27/06/2022 15:41

I guess he didn’t feel like it? Just as many women post on here they they don’t always feel like sex in demand and are told their other halves should respect their wishes and not expect sex whenever they feel like it.

Woollenfox · 27/06/2022 15:42

Anyone else singing Anchorman's “afternoon delight” ?

JamesBlond · 27/06/2022 15:43

He said no. What part is unclear?

Whatafielddayfortheheat · 27/06/2022 15:48

YABU. It's a shame he wasn't up for it but it's not his job to service you on demand if he doesn't feel like it. You seem to be implying that it's your entitlement to have your sexyal frustration 'resolved' by him - it isn't, and that's really important. Don't you have hands OP?!

adjs · 27/06/2022 15:50

If you are that sexually frustrated than take yourself some where quite and have a afternoon delight by yourself, nothing wrong with some self love 😎

ProfessorFusspot · 27/06/2022 15:51

AIBU to have expected him to stop gardening to have sex? Yes, of course. You can hope, you can offer, you can encourage, but you can't 'expect' sex, given that it involves another autonomous person.

I am confused. Who would rather garden than have sex?? Someone who doesn't want to have sex, someone who doesn't want to have sex with you, someone who doesn't want to have sex right now, someone who wants to get the gardening done - mix, match, and add as necessary.

I'm also really upset and hurt by his reaction. I know the gardening needs to be done, but there is no hurry. I didn't really see much of him over the weekend - he stayed at his own house because he had his son 9am Saturday to 4pm Sunday, and he goes back to work tomorrow. Just talk with him about it, when you both have time to relax, and be honest. People here can guess what's going on, but he can tell you. And you can tell him how you feel - unless this is a pattern (which it might be - just based on your expecting he'll say he's too sore for sex tonight) and you've talked about it before, he may have no idea that you feel hurt/rejected and he may just see it as a practical decision to get his work done on his schedule while he's in the middle of it.

ExhaustedButHappy80 · 27/06/2022 15:54

Yabu to “expect” it.
fair enough to suggest it but don’t get the hump if he’s not in the mood.

AverageJoan · 27/06/2022 15:55

YABU. If a man had written this expecting his DP to stop what they were doing and have sex because he was suddenly in the mood they'd get slaughtered. Get a vibrator.

BackToTheTop · 27/06/2022 15:57

He wasn't feeling like it - fair enough
He got cross at you - not fair enough

Jesus all he had to say was he didn't feel like it and then go back to the garden. Why get annoyed, it's not like you dragged him out of an important meeting

Reallyreallyborednow · 27/06/2022 15:58

If he’s been gardening all day he’s probably feeling dirty, hot, sweaty, filthy hands..

i’d be telling you to piss off too, tbh. In fact dh has done this to me on occasion when i’m at home and he’s wfh. Yes i’m busy, no I’m not in the mood, my brain is whizzing with all the stuff I’m trying to get done and it’s not in the right place for sex. I need to have everything done so I’m not thinking shit I forgot to do the stairs.

add to that he’s probably thinking well I’m filthy and there’s dirt under my nails, so i’m going to have to shower and scrub to feel remotely sexy…

sunlovingcriminal · 27/06/2022 15:59

Woollenfox · 27/06/2022 15:42

Anyone else singing Anchorman's “afternoon delight” ?

Me! 😂

5128gap · 27/06/2022 16:02

I suppose it depends on your relationship and how he is typically. If all that stood between my DP and starvation was digging up some potatoes, he wouldn't choose gardening over sex, so if he did, I'd think there was something wrong and be confused and hurt.
If your DP is generally a little less enthusiastic then it's not unusual for him, and as PPs have pointed out, the only entitlement where sex is concerned is to refuse, not demand.

MrsOwainGlyndŵr · 27/06/2022 16:03

Call me a spoil sport, but I don't think you should be having sex when you are being paid to work!

ShinyMe · 27/06/2022 16:03

Also - he doesn't live with you, but he's doing the garden at your house? Yes, YABU, for all the reasons others have mentioned.

fuckwhatshouldido · 27/06/2022 16:05

YABU mostly for calling it ‘afternoon delight’, yuk 🤢

Yodaisawally · 27/06/2022 16:07

fuckwhatshouldido · 27/06/2022 16:05

YABU mostly for calling it ‘afternoon delight’, yuk 🤢

Grin
theleafandnotthetree · 27/06/2022 16:09

Reallyreallyborednow · 27/06/2022 15:58

If he’s been gardening all day he’s probably feeling dirty, hot, sweaty, filthy hands..

i’d be telling you to piss off too, tbh. In fact dh has done this to me on occasion when i’m at home and he’s wfh. Yes i’m busy, no I’m not in the mood, my brain is whizzing with all the stuff I’m trying to get done and it’s not in the right place for sex. I need to have everything done so I’m not thinking shit I forgot to do the stairs.

add to that he’s probably thinking well I’m filthy and there’s dirt under my nails, so i’m going to have to shower and scrub to feel remotely sexy…

Is it just me that that the thought of 'feeling dirty, hot, sweaty, filthy hands' would put me MORE in the mood 🤔?

XJerseyGirlX · 27/06/2022 16:09

My husband has never passed up sex, he is so predictable. However if he was knees deep in gardening he would have suggested it later.

HollowTalk · 27/06/2022 16:10

Is he gardening at your house or his own house?

FishfingerFlinger · 27/06/2022 16:11

YABVU

ZealAndArdour · 27/06/2022 16:11

Can you just masturbate and get back to work? It isn’t his responsibility to respond every time you get aroused.