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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Afternoon Delight

119 replies

6079SmithW · 27/06/2022 15:39

I'm feeling hurt and upset (and sexually frustrated ☹️).

I am working from home today. My DP has a day off and is doing some gardening. My DC are with their childminder.

As I was coming to a natural lull in my work, I decided to take a break and lie down for ten minutes, but when I got into bed I started feeling really horny. I called my DP in from the garden and suggested we get straight to it ...

He not only turned me down shaking his head and saying unbelievable repeatedly, but got really cross and had a proper go at me "couldn't I see that he was busy" etc.

Aside from the fact that he has left me sexually frustrated and knowing this won't be resolved (if I ask him for sex tonight I know he'll just say that his back is too sore from gardening), I am confused. Who would rather garden than have sex??

I'm also really upset and hurt by his reaction. I know the gardening needs to be done, but there is no hurry. I didn't really see much of him over the weekend - he stayed at his own house because he had his son 9am Saturday to 4pm Sunday, and he goes back to work tomorrow.

AIBU to have expected him to stop gardening to have sex?

OP posts:

10HailMarys · 27/06/2022 17:38

He not only turned me down shaking his head and saying unbelievable repeatedly, but got really cross and had a proper go at me "couldn't I see that he was busy" etc.

I get the distinct impression that either there's an awful lot of this conversation that's been missed out, or that the initial suggestion of sex was done in a way that was incredibly tactless or uncaring.

butterflied · 27/06/2022 17:42

Butchyrestingface · 27/06/2022 17:34

I literally don't care about this scenario at all beyond wanting the OP to come back to clarify -

Does her partner NOT live with her but comes over to do her gardening anyway?

I would not let this one go, regardless of his willingness to stand to attention at any given moment.

He doesn't live with her judging by this from the OP.

I didn't really see much of him over the weekend - he stayed at his own house because he had his son 9am Saturday to 4pm Sunday, and he goes back to work tomorrow.

newbiename · 27/06/2022 17:44

HyggeTygge · 27/06/2022 17:21

Is that why I have to wait forty minutes to get through to my insurance company?

Exactly 🙄

Snugglemonkey · 27/06/2022 17:46

Yes YABU to "expect" sex. Your DP is not a vibrator and is quite entitled to say no. As pointed out, if a man posted this, he would be slaughtered (rightly so).

The fact he was annoyed and said "unbelievable" means you very obviously read him totally wrong. How did he feel about doing the gardening? Was he feeling appreciated? How did you ask? Did he experience that as demanding? There is nothing in your post about his feeling and a screaming entitlement on your part. It would not be ok for a man to post this, it isn't ok for a woman either.

Your sexual frustration is absolutely not his problem, sort yourself out!

SlashBeef · 27/06/2022 17:52

Blockyourears · 27/06/2022 18:24

A polite no thanks love, but saying unbelievable repeatedly seems a bit OTT!

Blockyourears · 27/06/2022 18:25

SlashBeef · 27/06/2022 17:52

What's ew?

Woman wanting sex?
Because it was the afternoon?
Because she asked?

maddiemookins16mum · 27/06/2022 19:13

Blockyourears · 27/06/2022 18:25

What's ew?

Woman wanting sex?
Because it was the afternoon?
Because she asked?

Show quote history

What’s Ew? Oh come on, it’s all a bit grubby for a Monday afternoon. ‘Break from work’, went for a lie down (as you do in the middle of the afternoon between emails), suddenly felt horny….

theleafandnotthetree · 27/06/2022 19:26

Regardless of the rights or wrongs of this situation, I consider myself pretty vanilla but I

love day time sex
love spontaneous sex, initiated by either party
like it when my partner has been working outdoors and is all sweaty and earthy and smells of outside

I think some people on this thread don't know what they're missing 😜

butterflied · 27/06/2022 19:27

Blockyourears · 27/06/2022 18:24

A polite no thanks love, but saying unbelievable repeatedly seems a bit OTT!

Not if she has asked the guy to do the gardening at her house on day his day off, he comes over to do it, and then he is called in for sex because she is horny in the middle of the day when she should be working.

Blockyourears · 27/06/2022 19:30

@butterflied maybe she didn't ask him too? Maybe it's a reciprocal agreement and she cooks and shops to cook for him?

Blockyourears · 27/06/2022 19:32

theleafandnotthetree · 27/06/2022 19:26

Regardless of the rights or wrongs of this situation, I consider myself pretty vanilla but I

love day time sex
love spontaneous sex, initiated by either party
like it when my partner has been working outdoors and is all sweaty and earthy and smells of outside

I think some people on this thread don't know what they're missing 😜

Thank fuck someone is in n my wave length!

Why do people think this is "grubby"?

Blockyourears · 27/06/2022 19:32

@maddiemookins16mum grubby on a Monday afternoon?

Jesus unclench!

Reallyreallyborednow · 27/06/2022 19:32

*Regardless of the rights or wrongs of this situation, I consider myself pretty vanilla but I

love day time sex
love spontaneous sex, initiated by either party
like it when my partner has been working outdoors and is all sweaty and earthy and smells of outside

I think some people on this thread don't know what they're missing 😜*

i don’t care if you like sex swings or being spanked on the bottom with a women’s weekly.

just because you like it, doesn’t mean everyone else has to do it (and like it) as well.

Blockyourears · 27/06/2022 19:37

Reallyreallyborednow · 27/06/2022 19:32

*Regardless of the rights or wrongs of this situation, I consider myself pretty vanilla but I

love day time sex
love spontaneous sex, initiated by either party
like it when my partner has been working outdoors and is all sweaty and earthy and smells of outside

I think some people on this thread don't know what they're missing 😜*

i don’t care if you like sex swings or being spanked on the bottom with a women’s weekly.

just because you like it, doesn’t mean everyone else has to do it (and like it) as well.

I think we can see that from this thread!

Why are you so insulted because someone does like it?

Dirtylittleroses · 27/06/2022 19:40

i don’t care if you like sex swings or being spanked on the bottom with a women’s weekly.
You name it soneone will love it and declare smugly everyone else is missing out.,,😂😂😂

Original poster

6079SmithW · 27/06/2022 19:49

I'm back 🙂

Just to address a few points:

For those who thought I was skiving off work - I work flexible hours so it's within my contract to take a break when I want to.

For those who think it is a reverse - it's not.

For those who are asking about the gardening - I didn't ask him to do it. I asked him to put a rotary washing line up for me and he got a bit carried away with the rest. I really am grateful though.

For those who think I was demanding sex - I really wasn't. I appreciate that I could have been a lot more sensitive around the way I asked but I was genuinely only asking.

For those who have reminded me that no means no - I absolutely agree. It's worded badly, I should have said expect. I was just really confused about what was so "unbelievable" and wondered if expecting that someone might want to stop working/gardening/whatever was it.

I accept that my request might have been unreasonable. For the hurt/upset though is because of his reaction. I would never be cross if someone asked me for sex. I might say no, but unless I were in the middle of a life or death moment I wouldn't ever feel that it was unreasonable or "unbelievable" of someone to ask.

Also sex is great! There aren't many things I would mind stopping at the invitation to have sex instead 😁

OP posts:

LaSavoie · 27/06/2022 20:05

For those who thought I was skiving off work - I work flexible hours so it's within my contract to take a break when I want to.

Makes Boris seem so tame, pottering off to his fridge to get a sad piece of cheese..

Dirtylittleroses · 27/06/2022 21:35

How different from the life of our dear queen

anyway op seems you can’t grasp that seeing him doing that work, not being arsed to go out and talk to him but make him stop what he’s doing a call him in to you and ask for sex isn’t good,

it’s lovely you’re up for it when you’re working and always say yes but he’s not. As said, if I was busy working, be it paid or gardening, or laundry and my husband shouted me uo when he was having a kip and asked for a shag I’d tell him to do one,

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