Afternoon Delight

[6079SmithW]

I'm feeling hurt and upset (and sexually frustrated ☹️).

I am working from home today. My DP has a day off and is doing some gardening. My DC are with their childminder.

As I was coming to a natural lull in my work, I decided to take a break and lie down for ten minutes, but when I got into bed I started feeling really horny. I called my DP in from the garden and suggested we get straight to it ...

He not only turned me down shaking his head and saying unbelievable repeatedly, but got really cross and had a proper go at me "couldn't I see that he was busy" etc.

Aside from the fact that he has left me sexually frustrated and knowing this won't be resolved (if I ask him for sex tonight I know he'll just say that his back is too sore from gardening), I am confused. Who would rather garden than have sex??

I'm also really upset and hurt by his reaction. I know the gardening needs to be done, but there is no hurry. I didn't really see much of him over the weekend - he stayed at his own house because he had his son 9am Saturday to 4pm Sunday, and he goes back to work tomorrow.

AIBU to have expected him to stop gardening to have sex?

This, in a nutshell

Wait

He's gardening and it's not even his house? <misses point>

no seriously, he's not there to service you.

Your seduction failed. Suck it up, and go back to the drawing board.

No-but I am now fancying some Turkish delight😂

YABU He owes you nothing sexually and he should not be forced to perform on demand. Regardless of whether you are male or female it is never ok to demand, coerce or manipulate another into sex. If you need a release sort yourself.

I think this is a reverse.

Lol I know the feeling.
Laid a blanket and pillows out in our garden and called my dh out ( secluded garden )
I was turned down.
To be fair , I've turned him down before , but when it happens to you , it smarts.

Nice try with the straw man. I never suggested for a moment that women have no right to want and enjoy sex, but by all means, pretend I did so you can argue a point I didn't make, rather than put forward a well thought out rebuttal of the opinion you so strongly dispute.
As you well know, my point was that men typically want and enjoy sex a lot, and women with experience of men tend to know this. The fact that you don't, does indicate limited experience of men in general.
I'm not sure I fully understand your comment 'it's not about the sex drives of men but of women' as surely when there is a mismatch it's about the sex drives of both?
Anyway, I have no issues, only an opinion as to why the OP may have felt confused. I'm sorry if I've touched a nerve.

Yes me ffs 🙈😂

Need more info... how long have you been together? how is the sex life normally?

I’d rather garden than have sex.

Anyone else singing Anchorman's “afternoon delight

I am!!

I actually thought this was going to be a thread about Anchorman 😂

No is a complete sentence.

He has every right to say no. I'm afraid OP you are being very unreasonable.

I’d rather garden than have sex. I’d rather have had a partner who wanted to garden rather than wanting sex every 5 minutes (in my previous life). Putting up with a sulky, huffy partner who wanted sex when I didn’t was the bane of my life.

Yes. Yes I am.

Is that why I have to wait forty minutes to get through to my insurance company?

Of course YABU. He didn't want sex. He's not there to service you whenever you fancy it. If he doesn't feel like it, he doesn't feel like it.

I wouldn't feel sexy if I was in the middle of gardening either. And his reaction suggests that there's a pattern of you suddenly demanding sex at the least convenient or arousing time, and then being made to feel bad when he turns you down.

Mumsnet is constantly full of threads from women whose husbands grab hold of them when they're in the middle of doing the ironing or renewing the house insurance or something, and expect them to be immediately aroused and up for it, and then get huffy when they woman doesn't feel like it. The response from Mumsnetters is always 'He's an arsehole, you're not just there to satisfy him whenever he wants it, nobody should feel pressured or made to feel inadequate because they don't want sex, your husband can have a wank if he's that desperate.' Not sure why you'd imagine a different response when the situation is the other way around.

Yabu. I hate sex in the middle of the day so my response probably would have been to laugh and say obviously no.

You may have been horny but he wasn't, why do you think you have the right to sex at that exact moment you were horny, when he was busy and now think you can be annoyed at him

No means no. Hope you can understand that.

I literally don't care about this scenario at all beyond wanting the OP to come back to clarify -

Does her partner NOT live with her but comes over to do her gardening anyway?

I would not let this one go, regardless of his willingness to stand to attention at any given moment.

He not only turned me down shaking his head and saying unbelievable repeatedly, but got really cross and had a proper go at me "couldn't I see that he was busy" etc.

I mean, you're being unreasonable in expecting him to have sex, but that's really rude and hurtful. I'd be very upset if my partner reacted like that when I asked for sex! I'm trying not to jump straight to LTB 😁 but unless you do this a lot, he's being a dick.

You should tell him he hurt your feelings and hopefully he won't respond with more dickishness.

(Though if you do do this a lot, stop doing it and apologise to him.)

Funny how so many posters have said “if this were a man posting he’d get slated” yet the OP has been told consistently that she is being U.

Looks like MN isn’t as biased against men as it thinks it is!

Hello gardener! Did your reverse go as expected?

How long since you last did it?

Whose idea was the gardening?