Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Afternoon Delight

119 replies

6079SmithW · 27/06/2022 15:39

I'm feeling hurt and upset (and sexually frustrated ☹️).

I am working from home today. My DP has a day off and is doing some gardening. My DC are with their childminder.

As I was coming to a natural lull in my work, I decided to take a break and lie down for ten minutes, but when I got into bed I started feeling really horny. I called my DP in from the garden and suggested we get straight to it ...

He not only turned me down shaking his head and saying unbelievable repeatedly, but got really cross and had a proper go at me "couldn't I see that he was busy" etc.

Aside from the fact that he has left me sexually frustrated and knowing this won't be resolved (if I ask him for sex tonight I know he'll just say that his back is too sore from gardening), I am confused. Who would rather garden than have sex??

I'm also really upset and hurt by his reaction. I know the gardening needs to be done, but there is no hurry. I didn't really see much of him over the weekend - he stayed at his own house because he had his son 9am Saturday to 4pm Sunday, and he goes back to work tomorrow.

AIBU to have expected him to stop gardening to have sex?

OP posts:
comealongponds · 27/06/2022 16:36

YABU

people are allowed to say no if they’re not in the mood.

if you feels it’s a symptom of a bigger problem in your relationship then be a grown up and talk to him about it

hoorayandupsherises · 27/06/2022 16:36

Is this a reverse? Because he is clearly NBU.

Gogster · 27/06/2022 16:36

Is there a creative writing section?

InTheNightWeWillWish · 27/06/2022 16:37

AfterSchoolWorry · 27/06/2022 16:31

I feel like this is a reverse.

This. The language is off. Actually it sounds like OP isa man but will get more sympathy if he pretends to be a woman. Or hoped he’d get more sympathy anyway.

Fifi0102 · 27/06/2022 16:37

YABU my OH does this and I get really pissed off. Usually I'm in the middle of some task that needs to be done and he demands I instantly get horny and be ready. It's really off putting

maddiemookins16mum · 27/06/2022 16:37

Butterscotch please.

RichardsGear · 27/06/2022 16:37

Ha I was also thinking Lady Chatterly! So he's knackering himself working in your garden while you conk out in bed, then you decide you fancy a good seeing to from Mellors and feel aggrieved he won't perform on demand. I think YABU really.

5128gap · 27/06/2022 16:38

Dirtylittleroses · 27/06/2022 16:25

Good god this stereotypical utter nonsense can’t be serious can it?

Show quote history

Completely serious.
Which part exactly are you dismissing as nonsense? That men don't badger for sex? That most men, until a certain age, and sometimes beyond, are very keen on sex? That the typical woman will refuse sex more often the typical man?
It might be a stereotype, but if you think it's nonsense, you clearly have extremely limited experience of men.

theemmadilemma · 27/06/2022 16:40

Yeah calling me in hot, sweaty and dirty from the garden is catching me right in the mood.... not.

Carrotzen · 27/06/2022 16:40

What is the point of this being a reverse? No one is going to say the DP is being unreasonable

butterflied · 27/06/2022 16:40

I actually think you're coming off really entitled. He was doing gardening at your house and then you "call him" in for sex because you're horny and get pissed off because he doesn't jump to attention. Reversed sexes would have him labelled a pest.

doris9034 · 27/06/2022 16:43

I felt randomly horny this morning - I would never demand sex from my DP (who was also at home and isn't really up for it most of the time now) so i had a quick shower sorted myself out - simples!

CallOnMe · 27/06/2022 16:44

YABU to expect him to have sex on demand.
YANBU to want to have sex with your partner.
Have tried talking to him about it?

Absolutely this!

I would feel a bit upset that I had been rejected but I have rejected sex a few times before myself so I wouldn’t feel too bad about it.

If I was planning to do gardening all day I definitely wouldn’t want to come in dirty and stinking and tired to have sex. I’d also probably not have showered that morning knowing I’d need one later on.

The fact that he repeated the word unbelievable makes me think there’s a back story here too. I wonder if you’ve been on at him to do the garden for a while or something.

Viviennemary · 27/06/2022 16:45

Yabu. Sex breaks while you are meant to be at work. Good grief what next.

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 27/06/2022 16:49

Was just about to say this... why are you having a lie down then wanting sex when you're supposed to be at work?
Is that why I have to wait forty minutes to get through to my insurance company?

Many jobs have lulls but you're still meant to be available.

As to expecting sex and getting frustrated because your partner is busy and not in the mood? You are being very unreasonable.

If the boot was on the other foot ...!

ChrisReasBathEggs · 27/06/2022 16:50

Daily Mail or The Sun anyone? Place your bets....

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 27/06/2022 16:50

I have an unwanted earworm now.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 27/06/2022 16:51

5128gap · 27/06/2022 16:21

Well, possibly some of the OPs confusion arises from the fact she is a woman. And as a woman it's highly likely that from her teens she has had, or at least seen, men badgering for sex. Most men, until they reach a certain age, are very very keen on it. Men want sex when their partners are busy, tired, pregnant, unwell, and often, though obviously, not always, more frequently than women do. Given this, its not too much of a stretch of the imagination to understand why a man refusing may take a woman by surprise. The attempts to reverse this and treat it as exactly the same as a woman refusing, ignore the context of typical male behaviour that most women are familiar with. It's only the same as a woman refusing in that his rights to do so are the same.

Show quote history

Exactly. Men and women have the same right to say No, but it's more surprising from a man.

Also, he didn't need to be so insulting. It would have been OK if he'd laughed and said "Great idea but I need to finish this weeding" (or whatever). But "Unbelievable" - ?????? I'd have felt crushed by such a rude response.

Fairislefandango · 27/06/2022 16:52

Anyone else wondering if this is one of those made-up posts deliberately intended to prove MN has double standards? There was a very similar post a while back with the sexes reversed.

Anyway, whether it's real or not, it's a YABU from me. He was busy and didn't want to have sex.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 27/06/2022 16:52

butterflied · 27/06/2022 16:40

I actually think you're coming off really entitled. He was doing gardening at your house and then you "call him" in for sex because you're horny and get pissed off because he doesn't jump to attention. Reversed sexes would have him labelled a pest.

Is he Mellors from Lady Chatterley's estate?

AryaStarkWolf · 27/06/2022 16:53

Woollenfox · 27/06/2022 15:42

Anyone else singing Anchorman's “afternoon delight” ?

Guilty.

Dirtylittleroses · 27/06/2022 16:54

5128gap · 27/06/2022 16:38

Completely serious.
Which part exactly are you dismissing as nonsense? That men don't badger for sex? That most men, until a certain age, and sometimes beyond, are very keen on sex? That the typical woman will refuse sex more often the typical man?
It might be a stereotype, but if you think it's nonsense, you clearly have extremely limited experience of men.

Show quote history

Yes you got it, so if you know full well it’s stereotypical nonsense why write it? It’s not the 1950s. Women are allowed to like and want sex just as men.

and the comment on do i habe extremely limited experience of men is juvenile and illogical, because it’s not about the sex drive of men, it’s about that of women. If they want more than you fair enough, but don’t tar us all with your issues,

collieresponder88 · 27/06/2022 16:54

Depends how your sex life is overall. If he doesn't want to do it with you atall then I would think he doesn't fancy me tbh. If today was a one off then I wouldn't worry

bloomtoperish · 27/06/2022 16:56

Probably had a sneaky wank earlier in the day and then got defensive

ReeseWitherfork · 27/06/2022 16:57

butterflied · 27/06/2022 16:40

I actually think you're coming off really entitled. He was doing gardening at your house and then you "call him" in for sex because you're horny and get pissed off because he doesn't jump to attention. Reversed sexes would have him labelled a pest.

Came here to say this… he’s doing the gardening at someone else’s house… sounds like a gem to me!