To feel completely TRAUMATISED by this hospital experience

[Needaholidayasap]

3 weeks ago I attended hospital for an endoscopy. I was prepared and completely unfazed at the thought of it. I opted for throat numbing spray but no sedation or drugs to knock me out; I thought I could handle it and that it would be over before I knew it. I’m usually fearless and calm. The team were happy with this and said lots of people go without sedation.

it was absolutely horrific. I was trying to follow their instructions and swallow and remember to breath, but as soon as the camera went down my throat I completely freaked out and became hysterical, including trying to grab the camera to remove it. They removed it and we took a break to help me calm down and they stressed the importance of not pulling it out.

We tried it again; I panicked but managed to swallow the camera, but as soon as tube and camera were in my stomach I freaked out again. I remember hysterically crying and begging them to take it out, and simultaneously wretching and heaving (but bringing nothing up) and having very painful burps. It felt like forever but it was probably only a couple of minutes! I was almost screaming for them to get it out of me (between my tears, heaves and burps!) and I couldn’t understand why they didn’t. I suppose by that point it was easier just to continue the examination and i understand they can’t just rip the camera straight out, but it was the most terrifying experience of my life. I’m not an anxious person and I rarely panic, and I knew I could breath and talk, but I felt like I was being choked to death and my brain sent me ballistic. I vaguely remember trying to pull out the camera out again but I presume they stopped me as I wasn’t able to.

After they took it out I was shaking, sobbing and my heart rate was 170ish. I remember feeling the room spin and having a rush of emotions- mainly terror and embarrassment. I understand why they couldn’t just take it straight out, but I will never, ever get over the horrible panicked feeling that I was being choked to death.

The endoscopy team were absolutely fantastic and I’m not in anyway criticising them. I don’t know why I reacted this way as I’m usually fearless and totally calm, but I feel mortified by it. Will I have been seen as a ‘’nightmare patient’’ by them? I hate causing any sort of difficulty or disturbance.

Also, is it normal to still be affected from it 3 weeks later? Obviously I’m not crying about it everyday, but it keeps popping into my head about how frightened I felt and I’ve had some nightmares too. An endoscopy is a routine procedure so is it abnormal for me to still feel so affected by it when it was 3 weeks ago? Does anyone have any advice for me to get over this?

@AgapanthusLove Can you tell me how you cope at the dentist? I am a huge dental phobe with a strong gag reflex.

I just want to reiterate to anyone who has to have this procedure that you CAN have it done under GA as I did.

Yes they will try and convince you, yes they will throw all kinds of statistics at you. they may imply that it cannot be done because of x y z reason. But ultimately it can be done!

We seem to be conditioned to tiptoe around the NHS, never daring to advocate for ourselves. I've been there, but fuck that, not any more. Yes it might cost the NHS more but that's not my problem. I also wonder how much money is wasted on all of the thousands of aborted procedures that then have to be repeated.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all OP. You weren't doing it on purpose!

Ignore the people telling you to 'woman up'. Trust me when I say that they will be the same people 'bleating away' about their own misfortunes other threads (and would be the first to get upset if someone suggested they 'woman up' and get on with it).

I suffered trauma during a painful medical procedure I had as a young child under sedation. Took me until my late 20s to work out where my medical phobia came from. I had the memories, but they were disordered and more frightening for it. The disadvantage to sedation is that people will press on through your distress as they assume you won't remember it. I wasn't aware that if you had procedures like like under LA they would press on anyway even if you ask them to stop, so that's really useful for me to know if/when I need one.

I could have written your exact post - mine left me absolutely traumatised and I wish they would just be honest about how awful it can be rather than just calling it ‘uncomfortable’. I had to have a second one a few months later but I had top notch sedation, I was so scared I nearly got off the table and run away, except I was an inpatient and couldn’t go anywhere! They said it wouldn’t be a GA and I would be aware of things going on, but I don’t remember zilch - I just remember waking up in recovery afterwards. I now wouldn’t worry if I had to have another in the same circumstances. In terms of them not removing the tube when you told them to, I think that’s because it only takes a minute or two and getting a result and getting it completed outweighs that couple of minutes, so I don’t think you would have much you could say about that legally - the same happened to me but I’m glad they didn’t take it out as it just means I would of had to go through it all again anyway.

I wasn't told I'd need someone to stay with me for 24 hrs after sedation until I actually arrived at the appointment, so didn't have much choice. Was a bronchoscopy rather than endo so don't know how it compares. Instead of drugs I got a nurse aggressively stroking my head the entire time telling me how brave I was being - I almost expected to get a sticker or something at the end

I've never had one, but dp has and said its the worst medical procedure he's gone through, and he had quite a bit of gastro investigation, colonoscopy etc.

When he had his he passed out, as although he was being told to breath, his brain couldn't compute that he could breath so he passed out.

Hope you feel better soon, and can get some comfort from people agreeing that its a horrible procedure!

was this on the nhs? I have had about 3-4 of these all private and no one has ever given me the option for no sedation.
I am sorry I hope you can process things - if it helps on one occasion even sedated I tried to get my tube out and they had to hold me down.
Another thing I don't recommend anyone does without sedation is a cone loop where they chop off an inch of your cervix. They convinced me this was better to do in the chair rather than under a general - pap smears have never been the same and a struggle to have them done more than ever now due to the trauma of my cone loop thingy procedure.

I had it with the spray and I was ok. The burping etc is normal and this aspect will be completely normal to staff.

I was definitely very unusual in my (large) hospital to request spray only and no sedation but I was sure I could handle it and told them to give sedation if I couldn’t hack it. It was very unpleasant but for me it was manageable. I don’t think they should have implied sedation isn’t routine.

I’m a mental health professional and would advise you to give it a few more weeks and if you are still feeling terrible then seek talking therapy to help you reframe your trauma into something more manageable. At this stage it’s very reactionary and may just ease off with time.

I had it done privately with so much sedation that I barely remember anything.

I still had to be held down and couldn't manage it.

When the consultant came to check on me he could believe that I was up and dressed are raring to get out of there because the few snippets I do remember were awful, just panic and fear really. He thought I would still be asleep, nope I was fully ready to flee.

Don't feel mortified OP, apparently in my sedated state I whacked a nurse in the face and honestly when they told me afterwards I could have died of shame but they were incredibly sweet about it. I think the medical profession tend to have seen it all.

Hi I had this about ten years ago. I could not breathe at all out of my nose and I tried to pull out the hose. Several nurses held my arms and legs down and I thought I was going to die. I didnt complain. I didnt ask for a debrief.

My advice to you is: do not allow yourself or anyone else to minimise your feelings as this can be further traumatising. After my procedure, the team acted as though nothing had happened and were dismissive and unwilling to talk about it. There may be some people want to jump in and say they were probably in a hurry etc but that is totally beside the point: the psychological welfare of the patient is part of the whole procedure and needs to be cared for. A lot of money would have been saved for the NHS subsequently to pay for mental health care if this has happened differently.

When I went home, my partner had a go at me for refusing sedation (I was breastfeeding at the time) and this made me blame myself even more: I remember standing in our kitchen and feeling a sinking feeling, like the floor was caving in.

The combination of what happened, self blame and not wanting to be an ungrateful "bleating" complainer was a toxic one for me. Do not listen to any crap: nobody knows exactly how YOU experienced it and what YOU went through.

Please do not question the way you feel and please complain/ask for a debrief if you feel you need to. Get yourself some trauma counselling, privately if needs be and you can pay; it will be worth it in the end.
It is not your fault, look after yourself. xx

Yes, it’s a horrible procedure. My husband is due and I’ve strongly advised anaesthetic.

sympathies.

I am the same. Believe me the dentist is NO comparison.

I had one a few years ago and it was horrendous, couldn't stop wretching and it seemed to take forever. I couldn't have sedation because you had to have someone with you to escort you home afterwards, I didn't have anyone free to come with me, all working etc and in fairness I wasn't bothered as I expected the procedure to be a breeze, I couldn't have been more wrong.

Had to have another one last year, a friend came with me so had the sedation, it was brilliant, didn't feel a thing and don't remember much, which is apparently a side effect, no way would I have it without sedation again, although I know people who have with no problems, everyone is different I guess.

Just wanted to add on here that when they ask "sedation or throat spray?", you can say "both please".

I'm sorry to hear all these stories. I got very lucky and sedation worked very well for me.

"Light sedation" is an instant total knockout now or do you really mean a GA? Fentanyl leaves your system quickly

I had my endoscopy done in Spain (I'm a spaniard so I tend to get my medical care over there as I find it better than here) and it was performed under some sort of mild anesthesia where I was put to sleep. After 10 minutes I woke up and did not remember a thing. The throat spray was not even an option

I had one about 10 years ago, and it still haunts me. I did opt for sedation, but I don't think they gave me enough of it, as I was still completely with it, retched throughout, reacted quite like you did. It was horrendous. I also got really cross, as I'd spoken to the consultant beforehand who said she'd do it, which reassured me. As soon as we were in there, she handed it over to one of the junior docs (I know they have to learn, but having been told she'd do it, I'd have appreciated being asked). They 'sedated' me, then immediately pushed me down to the bed, held me there and performed this procedure. Hated it, hated it.

I had this in March, a gastroscopy with throat numbing spray and sedation.

The sedation was very light and I couldn't tolerate the procedure at all. I was really freaking out. I tried to grab the probe and get off the bed. It takes you to a primal place of survival.

I remember the doctor looked alarmed at my reaction. She asked if I'd like to terminate the procedure and come back another time.

I said no, I'd waited years on a waiting list and wanted this done. They gave me a huge amount of sedation and I woke up a good while later not recalling anything further.

I had an endoscopy 5 yrs ago with sedation. Don't remember the procedure- just waking up 30mins later feeling very relaxed.
It baffles me why they even offer people throat spray as an alternative to sedation. Most people have a horrible experience understandably as a camera is going down your throat whilst fully conscious!

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. There's just no way of knowing in advance how your body will react.

I had to opt for endoscopy without sedation due to no childcare. I am not a martyr and would have taken the sedation otherwise. It wasn't fun but was surprisingly OK and over quickly. I say this only because reading this thread would have terrified me before the procedure. Not everyone has the option of sedation and it isn't always horrific, depending on how your body reacts.

Good for you. If I had no choice - i.e. no anaesthestics were available - then maybe i would "woman up". But there are amazing anaesthetics available and if I ever have any of these procedures I will fully avail myself of them and insist on this as is my right. This is not a character flaw on my part, there are no prizes for unnecessary suffering.

You do NOT know what the OP has been through as you experienced it differently. It was traumatic for HER and that's what is important.

@PermanentlyTired03 maybe they offer throat spray because some of us don't want sedation?

I am sympathetic so please don't take this the wrong way. I speak from experience when I say that you will only be traumatised by this until something worse happens to you.
It was a medical procedure and unpleasant, but you got through it one way or another. So put it out of your mind and don't waste any more thought on it.

I think the level of sedation makes a difference. I had an endoscopy and was told I had the strongest dose as I was extremely nervous. I didn't remember a thing afterwards and was OK.
A few years later I had a colonoscopy, it was going to be with sedation as agreed with the Dr before the procedure.
When I entered the room, only the nurse was present and she said I didn't need sedation because it was quick and easy. I said that I definitely wanted it and I could tell from her body language that she wasn't happy.
I could tell I was sedated but unlike my previous experience I was aware of it and was in pain. Clearly, in some cases they are actively discouraging you from having sedation.

@Porcupineintherough I imagine that's exactly why they do and it's good they do as seduction writes the day off if you have too much and some people react badly to it. They should just adjust expectations as some people go in thinking it'll be all good and then are gagging and spluttering everywhere.