Are you popular? If not, does it get you down?

[Nananananana]

I've always thought that being nice and kind has no bearing on how popular you are, and that people are drawn to charismatic people.
I don't think people dislike me, but they just aren't drawn to me. I have a couple of friends, but don't see or speak to them that often.
I was always shy, but I even found that when I really tried to be more outgoing that it didn't change anything. Around 6 years ago I did a PGCE course when I was in my mid 20s, and I was always organsing social events, writing on the group chat and so on.
It didn't make me any more popular, I became friendly with around 7 people out of 40, and am only in touch with 2 of those still.
My partner is very charismatic, everyone says what a great guy he is, though he's still had friends suddenly go cold or stop contacting him so I suppose none of us are immune from it.
I shouldn't even care about Facebook, it's so stupid to let it get to me but sometimes I get barely any likes on photos, well most of the time, whereas some people get over 50.
People just aren't dying to know me. I think I've lived an interesting life but also take an interest in others, and I do think I'm genuine and good natured. Just need to accept that I'm maybe not that likeable.
Would anyone consider themselves as popular?

It can hurt when i feel people i rated overlooked me in favour of more popular people. Whether it's going with my idea or being excluded or passed over for some opportunity in favour of somebody more visible.

I think these feelings are very normal though. Im not berating myself for occasionally being disappointed in people for being dazzled by popularity and missing the person with more substance 🙈😁 (me)

I don't agree with this at all

100 really isn't many people at all, we had that many just in my year at secondary school. I coincidentally have just over 300 and know all of them; family, old colleagues who became friends, old school and uni friends, other friends etc. I find it's my mobile contacts list that has bloated out with non-friends; work contacts, key tradesmen, neighbours, DS's school parents etc.

I'm not really popular
I talk too much, don't listen enough, probably a bit overbearing. I find people warm up to me and once they know me well they see past my worse traits but I'm not one of those instantly likeable people.

I don't care if I'm popular or not. I try to follow the principles of putting others before yourself and doing a good deed every day. I rarely speak ill of anyone no matter how twattish they've been (with the odd exception) and always try to think positively in a crisis, and think the best of of others. Although rudeness has few excuses, for me.
I don't have followers as not on social media and wouldn't call myself popular as such, more the person to help people out of a crisis/in their hour of need.

I also disagree that there is anything off-putting in her writing style. She explained what is bothering her, well imo

I'd be popular if I could be bothered. I can be very charismatic,and people often try to 'make friends ' with me.

I just can't be arsed. I like my own company best.

What an unpleasant and unnecessary comment.

There's nothing wrong with OP's "vibe" FFS.

Oh and I dont really care. I have friends, I'm happy and I live a good life. I don't need to be super popular

Rot I think I know you 😂i like you

I'm not popular, never have been, was always on the periphery of friendship groups both as a child and as a adult. At times it has bothered me then in recent years I read MN threads about friendship I try to be more relaxed about it. my dog is better company anyway 😁

In primary school I wasn’t very popular. I may go as far to say I was hated by most people there.
when I went to secondary school, I made a solid group of small friends. But I wasn’t hated by the rest of the school which was nice.
now I’m an adult, I have my friends from school (although I don’t see much of any of them as they all moved away from my home town) but I don’t really have any other friends. but to be honest, I’m so busy with work and my DC, that I don’t really feel like I’m missing out. My sister is my best friend in the world, as long as I have her and my lovely DC, I really don’t feel like I’m missing out. When I meet people, I’m nice to them, but I really don’t give a shit whether they like me or not.
don’t let people get you down OP.

What a nasty thing to say to someone who already lacks confidence.

I am coming back to this post, wrt facebook, sometimes I post something but first I ask myself, if nobody cares, will I be upset? and of course, sometimes I think oh my close friend never reacted to my new job news or nobody cares that my daughter got in Oxford when yesterday a picture of Lynne's cup a soup got 58 likes. These are just examples of genuinely good news (objectively) and genuinely banal photos. But I usually go ahead and post if I know I'm not posting to big myself up. Just sharing something happy, but you do have to kind of ''dialogue'' with yourself a bit. Ok, so this news that is a big relief to you is less ''liked'' than Lynne's mushroom soup. But it is what it is.

I remember watching some youtube clip about charisma that said to interpret every ambiguous comment as a positive. Like if somebody says you're famous for your meanness Rachel.......... you respond as though it were positive, showing you can take a joke. ''I'm famous!?, yay, tell my alma mater no no, wait, they'll be looking for a donation''.

That might sound utterly ridiculous but according to that guy, that's how you should react to an ambiguous remark. Hmmm..

Get rid of Facebook. One of the best decisions I've made!

No and I don’t want to be, I barely manage to maintain contact with the few people I actually care about let alone multiple others who I could take or leave.
My step mum is “popular”, she makes a huge effort to maintain a large circle of equally closed minded and gossipy women and I can’t think of anything worse.

I'm not sure popular is the right word, but I've found people just seem to like me, honestly I'm not sure why! But, I've alot of self confidence and always have and I think it just comes across is the way I am.
When you're happy and relaxed with yourself it's easier to be open and be at ease with others.

But it's not a competition, I'd take one true solid good friend over 1000 "Facebook friends" anyday

Na, I don't care anymore. I mean I wouldn't want to be hated or anything but I know I'm a nice person, love a good laugh and always have time to chat. If people like me then great but with age I have learnt that some things aren't worth getting upset over. Just be you, enjoy your own life, make yourself happy in surroundings that allow you to be your authentic self.

I don’t know if I’m popular or not. I have a lovely family and a handful of close friends.

Prior to Covid I used to have more periphery friends that I would meet up with for dinner or coffee every few months but I can’t really be bothered to keep in touch now. But I do focus much more on staying in regular contact with my closest friends. Getting rid of social media really helps with this as you have to actually call or message people. You can’t get away with just throwing a few ‘likes’ about and think that’s keeping in touch.

My best friend and my sister are like this. Both charismatic and popular. They over promise and under deliver. They make people feel better about themselves (sister not so much anymore though maybe that's just me). Me, I'm too honest. I'm kind, compassionate, apparently funny and somewhat interesting but I'm honest about my limits and don't always have a smiley happy face.
The result is I have friends but they constantly ask about my friend or my sister so I often feel like a receptionist. Also proof that they bite off more than they can chew and fail to keep in touch with all these people but make the people feel like they are all incredibly special to them.

Nope and nope, just don’t care, think it’s getting older, you just stop giving a shit about loads of stuff. It’s nice,

Do you know, this thread has really made me think. I'd say I probably am quite popular, not the MOST, but certainly maintaining my friendships takes up quite a lot of time - whether they be school friends I see rarely, or local friends I see frequently (and the rest I've collected along the way). I'd say I'm pretty open, easy going (ish - I have my boundaries, which I'm very clear about and makes my friends laugh. Eg if we're going away, they know I will want a single room, and we joke about it).

I wasn't comfortable at University, and I think spent too much time trying to fit into something I wasn't. Consequently, I've lost touch with a lot of Uni friends. But whenever I've just been myself throughout my life, I seem to have been able to pick up friends along the way. I've always been quite surprised (and delighted TBH) that some of my friends, who I consider to be incredible, and could be friends with anyone, have chosen me as a friend. I've never worked out why, and have actually put it down to their extrovert natures? I don't know, but I'm grateful. They're awesome.

I'm not one for grand gestures, I forget birthdays and where everyone's going on holiday, but I'll generally turn up to stuff, and will try to make the best of most situations and have fun. Except camping. Just no. I think I have a reputation for being a reliable friend.

No I am not popular and no it doesn't get me down. I would rather be myself than try to be someone else in order to be popular.

I was popular when I was slim. I'm probably happier at my current size 16 then I was as a size 8-10 but I'm definitely less popular now.