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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument

123 replies

Lanalou76 · 25/06/2022 22:44

Husband shoved the bench out we were sitting on at a restaurant

I said that's a man move
As my son and
I had climbed in without moving it.
He said 'I have a sore knee you know'...... I said 'that's because you're
old'.. He 'replied at least I don't look old'

I got up and left restaurant at this point and went home, leaving him and his parents sitting there..

He said I had shouldn't have made people feel awkward.

I explained that he made a very personal comment and i was not going to sit there and put up with it. He said his comment was the same thing as my comment;
I said 'no, as his comment was particularly personal.. shall we ask FB? , he said' don't because everyone already thinks you are mad enough..'

What are peoples thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 25/06/2022 22:45

Are you the only one allowed to make personal comments then?

Original poster
Lanalou76 · 25/06/2022 22:47

I didn't insult the way he looked

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 25/06/2022 22:47

My thoughts are that it’s really dysfunctional communication between two adults who are supposed to care about each other. It sounds like an embarrassing display. What did his parents do to deserve you storming off?

Littleraindrop15 · 25/06/2022 22:48

why dish if you can't take

Anotherdayanotherdisappointment · 25/06/2022 22:48

You called him old. His reply was in line with what you said.

thebeesknees123 · 25/06/2022 22:48

It depends on the tone involved. That's because you are old is something I would have taken as a joke but the look old seems a bit like going for the jugular. It could be taken as a joke but I think it's just a step too far.

I think there is a bit more to this, though? How are things, generally?

worraliberty · 25/06/2022 22:49

Do let us know if you do decide to ask FB won't you?

Meanwhile yes, YABU.

HollowTalk · 25/06/2022 22:49

I didn't understand a word of that!

ManateeFair · 25/06/2022 22:50

You sound like hard work.

alphons · 25/06/2022 22:50

I can’t believe adults behave this way to each other - and then need a poll to ask which is worse 🙄

Daisy95 · 25/06/2022 22:50

Do you nitpicked and then dished out what you couldn't take?
Yabu

Onlyforcake · 25/06/2022 22:52

It sounds very petty. Also, so what if he wanted to do something comfortably?! It was weird to make a point of that.

Topseyt123 · 25/06/2022 22:53

You made a personal comment about him being old and were pissed off when he did the same back to you.

WeAreTheHeroes · 25/06/2022 22:54

Really? You made a sexist remark to him, then told him he was old and didn't like it when he bit back. If that's the way you usually interact it's pretty poor.

mumto2teenagers · 25/06/2022 22:54

YABU - from your post it sounds like both comments were jokes, however obviously we don't know the tone used. Walking out of the restaurant seems like a massive over reaction, especially considering you had made the first comment.

RewildingAmbridge · 25/06/2022 22:55

It's the kind of exchange DH And I would have but jokingly and both laugh about it, you sound hard work.

LetitiaLeghorn · 25/06/2022 22:55

You called him old, he said you looked old. Often insults are met with harsher insults. I really couldn't be bothered getting worked up about it. But you thought you'd walk off and leave his parents just sat there? I think you're rude.

Lou98 · 25/06/2022 22:55

I got up and left restaurant at this point and went home, leaving him and his parents sitting there.

What an overreaction - very immature imo.

Don't dish out what you can't take, you started this then made him out to be the bad guy.

Both comments were as bad as each other - for every person that's sensitive about their looks will be another person that's sensitive about their age. You don't get to decide you're the one hard done by when you started the insults.

YABU - you're both as bad as each-other 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Lanalou76 · 25/06/2022 22:56

Thanks for the feedback... Just a bit iver sensitve at the moment I think.

OP posts:
SkirridHill · 25/06/2022 22:57

Did all this go on in front of your son? And your in-laws? And you were going to go on Facebook and ask whether you were in the wrong?

I too think you sound a bit mad, tbh.

TheAverageUser · 25/06/2022 22:58

YABU you sound like you were picking a fight and he rose to it.

Notimeforaname · 25/06/2022 22:58

I got up and left restaurant at this point and went home, leaving him and his parents sitting there

What an overreaction - very immature imo.

Don't dish out what you can't take, you started this then made him out to be the bad guy.

I agree completely.

GrazingSheep · 25/06/2022 22:58

Are you embarrassed at your behaviour?
How old is your son?

Yikesafhutt · 25/06/2022 22:58

God his parents must think you're a right catch. YABU.

CherrySocks · 25/06/2022 23:00

Do you mean he moved the bench while you and your son were sitting on it?

Ideally, he would have said, "Sorry, I need to move the bench out a bit because of my knee". Then you would have both stood up and helped him move it.

But saying he was old wasn't very constructive.