cocklodger

[michbr1989]

i randomly came across a thread about cocklodgers which made me lol until i reaslised i have one of my own..ive never heard the word before. been seeing my bf for 4 years. Lived apart until say 5 months ago he moved to my home and got a brilliant well paid job.. I'm a single mum working part time so his wage is far higher than mine.. im so used to being independent and not relying on anyone it took me a while to realize he is living in my home absolutely free.. i pay the rent bills utilities broadband everything..i buy 80 per cent of the food that comes in the house he occasionally will buy a few little bits..i brought up the conversation yday expecting him to feel bad or even embarrassed but he wasnt either..i got replys like sure what do i cost being here, you had to pay the same bills before i was here and worst of all im not your kids father why shud i pay to keep the house..spoke to him today and his tune has changed saying he understands he should contribute bla bla bla..i then quizzed him on his finances for him to tell me hes short for money this week..which i cud not understand hes in a very well paid job..he pays no rent/has a fuel card for work/ive been fucking feeding him/only thing he has to pay is a monthly van insurance payment...turns out hes been gambling..and gambling a LOT.. hes gone upstairs to bed in shame/feeling sorry for himself..how do i deal with this situation i love him but i know he needs to go..i know tomorrow it will be all empty promises he wont keep and probly tears and begging

Whatever you do don't tell him to leave and then disappear so that he's on his own in your house. He will take whatever he can whether it belongs to him or not.

Don't let him steal from your children

Yeah that's what stood out for me the most. And that attitude won't change. "I'm not his dad why should I take him to football" etc etc. slowly sidelining YOUR child and I promise you that your child can already see this man's attitude towards him.

Get rid and next time make sure you agree on finances before you get to the moving in stage!

(Children - sorry not child)

can i just say i loled at cocklodger the word because i never heard it before and its so random it sounds funny and i had no clue what it ment, i would never laugh as anyone elses misfortune.. yea so he got up and tried to act completly normal.. left 20 quid out during the night with a piece of paper saying happy birthday to my son..he hadnt even got a card..i assume this is an attempt to get back on my good side.. ive told him to go tho and hes currently upstairs packing.. asking me not to do this not to throw it all away etc.. i didnt do this tho he did cannot be dealing with this shit..if i cant trust someone with money there is no future

Well done and all the best OP.

I also had no idea what a cocklodger was until I read this thread.

Every day's a school day on MN!

Well done! Stay strong and don't let him talk you out of it.

Im glad you have actually chucked him out!
Sadly so many women on here whinge about these awful men and then never get rid of them! So well done OP!

By now you will have packed his bags and booted him out. He is using you and your family.
You're independent you don't need him. I like cock lodger it makes me laugh too. I just see a giant dick lying in a bed contributing nothing.😀

But they are dangerous they suck you in and bleeding you dry. At least lodgers pay money.

Well done, OP.

I wish you all the best. You deserve better

It's not just the gambling though. Obviously that would be impossible to live with on its own. It's the fact he thought he could live with you and you would pay for virtually everything even though you are a single mum and your money is for your own family not for him.

Well done. Don't let him manipulate you.
He's done this..

Definitely boot him out of the house!
I expect mammy won't want him back as she probably had a party when he finally left!!

He definitely won't change easily and will come up with excuse after excuse after excuse!

And though he isn't the father of your kids he took them on when he took you on, so give them a good example and get him out of your home!!!

When it comes to advice I can only reiterate what's already been said on here, so I won't repeat it I'll simply add this, if there's one thing I've learnt from my own experiences with people in general it's this, everyone, to a certain extent, is 'consistent', someone who disappoints you will continue to disappoint you, some who lets you down will let you down again and again and so on....don't even enter into a discussion about this one, there's no point in arguing or deliberating with him about this situation, he's well aware of what he's doing, simply wait till he's out one day, put his clothes and personal possessions in boxes and/or bin bags outside the door, and call him to tell him what you've done, after making sure you've had the locks changed of course.

You've made the right decision.

If he's gambling away all his wages, he will soon turn to other means as the addiction progresses. Some even stoop as low as to steal from children, thank god you're getting him away from yours.

Oh thank god.
Good on you.

‘Don’t do this, don’t throw it all away’ 😂😂😂😂 mortifying for him, begging his girlfriend to fund him, feed him and house him and to allow him to continue robbing her kids, just to get some cock. The fucking audacity. He must think you’re thick as fuck.

No boyfriend is better than this arse! Do better

Wow, well done. You have lost nothing. A gambling skinflint 25k in debt, who makes dickhead comments about not being your childrens father. You're not his father!!

Has he gone yet.
Worried for you that he wont go.
If he doesnt go, ask him if you need to call the police.

As hard as it seems, you're doing the right thing. If you back down now he will continue to spiral into even more debt. Hopefully this will be a wake up call. Stay strong 💪

You did the right thing. He will only drag you down.

He saw you coming a mile off didn't he? Just ignore all the pleas and the crying and the upset, he's been leeching off you and taking money out of your kids pockets for too long. The gambling is shocking quite frankly.

Put it down to experience, don't be too hard on yourself. Take care, enjoy the peace. You can love someone and wish them the best, but it doesn't always mean that you make a good couple. I echo pps - you and your children deserve so much better x

yea hes gone he left after he realized all the begging was getting him no where..have gotten a few messages since he went apologizing etc but im just ignoring them.. its just not good enough. its the most unattractive thing knowing someone would let you provide everything for them happily, i know if i said nothing he never wud have.. id never see anyone stuck but this man literally has a great wage so its really just a piss take..

OP he should have been paying a least 1/3 of all the bills and rent. Not just "what it cost you" for him to be there.

Work that out x 5 months and that's the amount of piss he took.