cocklodger

[michbr1989]

i randomly came across a thread about cocklodgers which made me lol until i reaslised i have one of my own..ive never heard the word before. been seeing my bf for 4 years. Lived apart until say 5 months ago he moved to my home and got a brilliant well paid job.. I'm a single mum working part time so his wage is far higher than mine.. im so used to being independent and not relying on anyone it took me a while to realize he is living in my home absolutely free.. i pay the rent bills utilities broadband everything..i buy 80 per cent of the food that comes in the house he occasionally will buy a few little bits..i brought up the conversation yday expecting him to feel bad or even embarrassed but he wasnt either..i got replys like sure what do i cost being here, you had to pay the same bills before i was here and worst of all im not your kids father why shud i pay to keep the house..spoke to him today and his tune has changed saying he understands he should contribute bla bla bla..i then quizzed him on his finances for him to tell me hes short for money this week..which i cud not understand hes in a very well paid job..he pays no rent/has a fuel card for work/ive been fucking feeding him/only thing he has to pay is a monthly van insurance payment...turns out hes been gambling..and gambling a LOT.. hes gone upstairs to bed in shame/feeling sorry for himself..how do i deal with this situation i love him but i know he needs to go..i know tomorrow it will be all empty promises he wont keep and probly tears and begging

my sons 6th birhday tomorow..and we also have covid bar the cocklodger.. it will be a day of celebration not loss

I'm so sorry that you've just realised what he is.

You must feel ever so sad.

You must try to find the strength to get him to move on, out of your life.
Gambling is a serious addiction and will only get worse while the gambler is being enabled.
Sadly, unrealised by you, you've been enabling him as he's got so much more money to lose after he moved in with you.

Good luck OP.

Do not leave the house whilst he packs. You do not want to give him the chance to take anything that isn't his.

You might not think he will,
but you didn't know he was a gambler.
You didn't realise he was leeching off you.
You didn't think he'd be nasty about your kids.
You don't really know who he is.

This and this over again.

thats the worst bit. He had me completely fooled never mentioned even having a bet in the 4 years..i saw the gambling website info and total amount gambled in 2 years was over 25 k.. i am shook.. thats a deposit for a house..a future..such a waste.. and such a waste for his life potential. But its not my problem to fix.. i have no experience in gambling addiction, and any info ive researched i cant fix this... its for mine and my kids welfare that i have to cut all ties now i wish it was different but i can only control my own actions and not his

Agree with @CoffeeBeansGalore - you need to be in when he goes, and get his keys. Gamblers steal to fund their habit- he’s been sponging off you for months, there’s every chance he’ll take your stuff (or your children’s stuff).

can i just add..when i say we have covid..my parents own quiet a large area of countryside land we can wonder round..and not be in contact with anyone

@HollowTalk he lived with his bloody parents before he moved here..how was i so foolishly naive

Sorry, But absolutely not! I would kindly ask him to move out whilst he sorts himself out. You already have one child to look after on a part time wage. Don't add a man child into the mix. You've done so well for yourself so far. He would just see you into a hole. And your child doesn't need to witness that either as being a gambling addicted (or any sort of addicted for that matter) comes with a whole lot problem you or the child doesn't need. Put your and your child's needs before this man!

Sorry 2 children. Apologies. X

He needs to go, he is a lousy example to your children. He has been using you so do not feel guilty.

Omg what a cunt!!

Hope you get rid

Oh god. I feel for you. You sound liked you’ve got your head screwed on anyway.

Take it from someone who has lived with and escaped from a selfish gambler - GET OUT NOW! It took so many broken promises to make me finally realise he was never going to change and I was so mad at myself for not doing it sooner. It didn't help that his mum (who thought he was a darling angel and called his gambling addiction 'his illness') kept bailing him out every time he spaffed another £5 or £10k in the bookies in a day.
He even gambled away a very large inheritance (that he kept a secret from me) from his grandparents in one afternoon. All the while I was paying all the bills and for everything else which sounds like what you are doing now. I literally was left with nothing but escaped with my (not his) daughter and have never looked back since even though it was so hard at the time.
I've since met and married an amazing man and my only regret is that it took me so long to leave the gambling mummy's boy - don't make the same mistake - ask him to leave now!
It sounds like he doesn't want to change and he is happy for you to continue paying for everything whilst his wages go into the bookies till. It's hard to start again but you are in a good position in that it's your house so you don't have to up sticks with your child like I did.
Good luck and I do hope you find some happiness!

Nah you seem super smart. You've sussed him out after only 5 months and made the excellent decision to bin him.

Get rid!

Hope you got rid of the fucker today.
you didn’t cause this
you can’t change this
you are not responsible for this

you can only change your response to it. Consider what your life would look like with this mess in it going forwards. You can never trust him.

You need to kick him out.

Firstly, surely with not working full time and him moving in telling hmrc about him living with you had reduced your money. He should be covering the shortfall and his own expenses minimum. I would point out if he did not live with you he would be paying his own rent and bills so paying you half is still less especially with cost of living rises.

Well done for waking up and seeing this. I know what it’s like to have gambling partner. It’s an addiction that will cause a usually decent person to do terrible things. And if. You stay with him he’ll only get worse. You can’t really help him. And you’ve got enough on your plate with the kids.

I too was blinded for years in a terrible relationship and realised I waste years of my life!!! But be thankful you woke up and can do better!

8m going to echo everyone else - get him out. He's been shamelessly taking money off your children so he can gamble it away.

The fact he lived with his parents before you makes throwing him out very easy. He does have a place to go. Good luck for tomorrow op

Get rid of him op before he lands you into debt and he will GAMBLERS CANNOT BE TRUSTED!

I used to work in a betting shop and I've had gamblers tell me they've gambled with their holiday money, rent, babies milk and nappies money etc they lie cheat and steal and only care about getting money for their next bet. He might tell you he'll stop, get help or the majority will deny they have a problem in the first place!

The fact he has a high paying job but can't afford to pay his way and has said to you "i brought up the conversation yday expecting him to feel bad or even embarrassed but he wasnt either..i got replys like sure what do i cost being here, you had to pay the same bills before i was here and worst of all im not your kids father why shud i pay to keep the house" proves he is selfish, untrustworthy and he's using you so he has more money to gamble. Get this man out of your life as fast as possible before he ends up with debt collectors after him and drags you into it.

Well done for recognising your situation for what it is, lots of people don’t. Get him out as safely (for your family) as you can.

I know this sounds mean but I am going to say it anyway. This man is detrimental to a functional family life and should not be housed with your children. Kids are utterly vulnerable to the adults in their sphere and your primary responsibility is to their well being.

I'm sorry for your obvious consternation and I sympathize for how much of a shock this must be and of course you are reacting in terms of your emotional attachment to him but you need to prioritize your children now and this means asking him to leave the household.

If you're meant to work it out and be together that will run its course but you really should separate your living situations until his lifestyle is under control. Good luck.

I really can't stand these men who are happy to live off single mums. They have absolutely no shame whatsoever

Has he gone yet OP. If not help him pack and send him back to Mummy.