cocklodger

[michbr1989]

i randomly came across a thread about cocklodgers which made me lol until i reaslised i have one of my own..ive never heard the word before. been seeing my bf for 4 years. Lived apart until say 5 months ago he moved to my home and got a brilliant well paid job.. I'm a single mum working part time so his wage is far higher than mine.. im so used to being independent and not relying on anyone it took me a while to realize he is living in my home absolutely free.. i pay the rent bills utilities broadband everything..i buy 80 per cent of the food that comes in the house he occasionally will buy a few little bits..i brought up the conversation yday expecting him to feel bad or even embarrassed but he wasnt either..i got replys like sure what do i cost being here, you had to pay the same bills before i was here and worst of all im not your kids father why shud i pay to keep the house..spoke to him today and his tune has changed saying he understands he should contribute bla bla bla..i then quizzed him on his finances for him to tell me hes short for money this week..which i cud not understand hes in a very well paid job..he pays no rent/has a fuel card for work/ive been fucking feeding him/only thing he has to pay is a monthly van insurance payment...turns out hes been gambling..and gambling a LOT.. hes gone upstairs to bed in shame/feeling sorry for himself..how do i deal with this situation i love him but i know he needs to go..i know tomorrow it will be all empty promises he wont keep and probly tears and begging

My mum was a gambling addict. For the sake of you and your kids sanity and financial well-being, I’m afraid you need to kick him out. He is not willing to be accountable for either his words or actions. He will say what he thinks you want to hear then act the victim to get what he wants.

OP's Action Plan:

1. Book a locksmith to come round one day next week when the CL is out at work in his highly paid job.
2. get your bin liners at the ready
3. locks get changed.
4. gather all his personal belongings into bin bags.
5. leave bin bags in front garden
6. get out the 🍷
7. celebrate freedom and absence of CL
8. never look back, be happy.

What is wrong with these men! Yep agree send him back to wherever he came from, keep your money to yourself.
And it is costing you money as water, gas, electricity, which is not cheap!
If you are on single persons council tax surely that has gone up?

Also IF you get any housing benefit etc, you won't be entitled to that due to his wage?

Will he deff go if u leave.can you get your parents round,stand together and get him there and then to a really go.
stop the blame.ylu no the real him and situation now.so if your acting to fix it,protect your kids and get him gone then your doing great/right thing.
Power through though.as soon as possible.grey rock time just get him out.can you pack his stuff and leave out front door.no breakfast no begging just get out now.^^

I agree that he may not leave if you go out for the day and rely on him doing the right thing and going. You might need support to get him to leave.
I wonder if he might have burnt his bridges with his parents.

He’s not a keeper and, like it or not, needs to go soon.

You need to protect yourself and your children - keep him and you’ll all go under.

My bil has gambled away the cost of a house - twice. Costly remortgages kept a roof over the family’s heads.

He doesn’t seem to get paying his own way - 5 months in. Win this battle and you’ll be back, in a few months tie, complaining that he’s stopped contributing.

I don't understand why the initial thread about cocklodgers made you "lol".

You lost all of my sympathy in the first sentence.

You laughed at a thread about others misfortune with cock lodging men?

Such an unkind thing to do and yet you have sleep walked into the same situation.

You seem savvy so well done for finally spotting the selfish git in your home. But now you have to act quickly to protect your children and yourself.

He needs to leave immediately. I sincerely hope you stopped any benefits when he moved in, if you didn’t let’s hope he isn’t vengeful enough to report you. Sadly most benefit fraud is uncovered from reports by ‘friends and family’.

Lets also hope he hasn’t used your address to apply for loans or credit cards as this can also impact you.

These men are horrible leeches, hopefully you will now have some compassion for others that have found themselves in the same situation.

One of the benefits of him not being named on rental agreements/mortgage statements/bills, is that you can pack his bag and off he pops. He can leave with what he came with.

Do not add him to any of the above.

Of course if you are happy with arrangement, crack on but it doesn't sound like you are. You can have a conversation about what monetary input you'd like from him and if he doesn't agree then you have a decision to make.

Stay strong.

Tell him to leave and once he's gone never see him again.

Cocklodging is a funny word. It's used a lot but it does somewhat downplay the seriousness of it. Refusing to contribute, making you pay for everything, spending all your money, trying to make out that you're overreacting has another name too. It's financial abuse.

I've been there, done that, it only improves when you remove the problem. Him.

You need to be there when he moves out. I agree about packing his stuff and leaving it outside once the locks are changed.

Addicts are selfish selfish people. He may steal (more) from you or just clear out stuff he thinks he is entitled to.

I know it is a hassle but you need to pack for him.

He's an asshole of a cocklodger. He's not your child.

Please get the locks changed.

@ScarlettSunset It really is a hilarious word!

Also OP I wouldn’t worry about those here who are all mad about you laughing at first. They aren’t table to understand anything but their first reaction. I say this because it takes INCREDIBLE humility and authenticity to admit that you were in the place yourself. That point is lost on them as they lack the ability to see the bigger picture.

this guy is bad news. A man should take care of you. He’s acting like you aren’t on the same team feel good about kicking him out. It will be hard. The lies and the false promises will come. If you let him stay you’ll become the gambling police as well as the debt collector. His resent of you asking him to pay his own way will grow and grow.

Lastly the kindest thing you can do is toss him out. Subsidizing and enabling him will make him sicker. If you truly care about him you’ll toss him out. If you fall for his woe is me crap you’re only keeping him around to make yourself feel better. Basically, you’re doing the right thing.

Forgive me for having a giggle of my own but… I can’t wait for the cold shock of not having his feet underneath your table will bring. He needs it.

I was in the same situation for a while. Best thing I did was get rid.

However bad it may feel now, just imagine how destructive it would be a few more years down the line if you married/shared finances. You would be screwed. And your children would be screwed.

Be thankful you found out when you did. Ditch his arse and start afresh.

The term cocklodger or freeloader to me isn't serious enough for what this is. Men like these are thieves, financial abusers.

i'M A hardworking single parent and every resource I ever had, it's gone in to our pot. Do not tolerate a man who is just a hole in your family's ''pot''.

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

what a strange deletion message! Why the need for MNHQ to "have a look at it" - it was a porny looking image that the spammer/poster @saraabonar posted up with some Arabic text. No need to get all twee about it!

That is the standard message that is generated when the Night Watch hides a message or thread.

Get rid!

Great advice

GET HIM OUT NOW. He will gamble everything he has then start on your money.
Please do not allow him in your or your boys life a minute longer.
you a a successful mum ,working and raising your children,you don't need this low life making you miserable.
he's hiding in self pity not being responsible.
🌈💐please kick him out now,today.you will be happier .no doubt.
your hard work will be rewarded.

He needs to be shown the door, and asap. What a total loser

He's a Thundercunt Cocklodger Gambler. He is siphoning your money away from your children.

Get rid.

Men like this nearly always target single mums, they know they have a home and income and won't be too picky.
Don't wait for him to find somewhere to live, if he's a high earner then he can stay in a travel lodge.

You deserve so much better than this