Or am I just old and out of touch?

[snowdropsandcrocuses]

DD 15 has a group of friends consisting of all girls except one male. He's a lovely kid. I guess if I described him I would say good kid, loner, long hair, skinny. He's a nice boy but not particularly sociable.

So we're chatting about her friends and she says her male friend (we will call him Jack) is pansexual. I had to Google this to discover it meant he is attracted to both sexes. She then told me, in all seriousness, he is Aromantic.

I had to pause for a second and confirm she meant he does not like/do romance to which I got another honest, straight faced 'yes'

So wait, there is a 15 year old boy in your friendship group (all girls except him) that is attracted to both (all?) genders and is not interested in romance. In other words, he wants to shag but not date?

I swear I don't get it. She cannot see any irony in the term 'aromantic' for a teenage boy. And I want to stop the train and get off!

I have literally lost count of the number of kids in DD (11) age group who are identifying as boys. All girls identifying as boys none are boys identifying as girls. She volunteered an opinion the other week that she understood that for some of those children they were genuinely struggling with this issue but mostly she thinks it’s a fashion.

I was encouraged that she expressed that view but also worried that if she voices it in some contexts she’ll be dismissed as a TERF and accused of transphobia. These are confusing and bizarre times for girls.

Is this a real thing?? Am I a thing??
I have only ever had sex with dh and have never had any interest in anyone else whatsoever I just thought this was normal.. my husband has only ever had sex with me.

I disagree with your contention about the prevalence of your view of things among the over 30s.

I’m well over 30 and most queer people I know hold their queer identity as an important part of themselves. This is not a new thing. Lesbians and gay men have identified that way for generations - because for many, being of a minority sexuality has also meant being part of a community and it has shaped not just who they have sex or relationship with, but been much more fundamental to who they are.

Thats not new, not limited to young people and not nearly as rare as you imply.

But anyway - if you don’t like labels, don’t use them. That’s not a great reason to sneer at others who do label their sexuality or identity.

Tell that to those sneering at young people for having the temerity to determine their own sexuality and label it.

He's gay without the confidence to be romantic - so makes up a title to cover his non-admitted 'failures' and fears.

Most men are aromantic up to mid 20s or 30s or 40s etc ...they just want the jiggy jiggy without the bother of romance. Tell these children theres nothing new here ...and that wheel was invented a long time ago. Maybe we need to stop indulging these whims alot of the time, say yeah yeah heard it all before, nothing new here, just get on with it and stop broadcasting it. Or maybe call it what it is an emotionally unavailable man ( whether he is with a woman, man or anything inbetween) who doesnt give a crap about your feelings.

It just hurts my heart to hear they are accepting terms like aromantic. It means 'no romantic attraction' but apparently sexual attraction not included. It's ludicrous to me.

Why?
And why?

What do you care?

I think it’s really great that these things are at least little bit more talked about.
That way people who don’t fit in heteronormative and/or amatonormativity don’t have to feel alone or that their broken or something is wrong with them.
Have you thought about being more open-minded and kinder person?

Just to point out, I never assumed all previous posters were straight. I said IF you think there’s no need for labels AND you’re heterosexual. But anyway.

I just can’t see the need to get up in arms about this. If some people find it helpful to use labels, micro-labels, etc, it’s likely because that helps them to find others who experience similar feelings to them. It helps them find community and support. That’s not a bad thing. It’s usually the case (especially for asexual and aromantic people) that this is so needed because society so strongly pushes the idea that everyone should be coupling off into neat little lifelong romantic and sexual monogamous partnerships.

If a 15yo has the self awareness to be open about the fact they don’t want romantic relationships, good for them. It’s a hell of a lot more honest than the behaviour you constantly see from adults.

What a wonderful post.

All I’d add to this that even grown-up’s could sometimes use the gentle support☺️!

Me too 🤦🏻‍♀️

Exactly!

There's one word to describe that person...self absorbed.

I think I need to learn a whole new vocabulary for the future!

You can understand right now if you’d just bother to learn and be respectful.

HTH

I suspect that in a few years time he’ll realise that he was just plain old gay!

DD is 13, almost 14 now, and over the past 18 months she has been experimenting with various labels relating to her sexual preference/gender, sometimes these massively contradict each other from one week to the next. I sat down with her and told her whoever she is, I love her and accept her and always will, but she is still growing and developing and she doesn't need to force herself into a box. I have told her to just be herself and she has my support 100%. It seems to have taken the pressure of her and we often have discussions about LGBTQ issues, she knows I have no negative opinions or predjudices. I do think there is a lot of pressure on teens to early identify their gender/sexuality, instead of being allowed to unpick how they feel at their own pace.

I see sexuality and gender as generally more fluid than many labels would allude to anyway.

In a rush so I haven't read the whole thread, but I had to google 'demi sexual' them other day. I work at a uni.

Fuck me OP. Hats off for not replying "yes dear, very nice".

@AllAloneInThisHouse To quote your own words back to you you “Have you thought about being more open-minded and kinder person?”

I’m all for doing whatever makes you happy as long as no one is hurt but why do they expect everyone to want to know or care what they identify as?

Aromantic doesn’t mean player.
It just means person feels little to no romantic attraction.
And quite often aromantics can also be asexual (person who feels little to no sexual attraction).

None of this really shouldn’t ve too complicated to understand.

It’s great that people, young or old, can these days find a name for who they are if they don’t fit in conventional labels - you know - like straight.

It is trange who upsetting this is to so many people.

Exactly what I was thinking. Or he's gay and just doesn't know it yet.

Not necessarily, of course, but it seems quite likely.

Well a transgirl is biologically a young man and a girl has a womb so yes they could have a baby.

No, you’re wrong.

Aromanticism and asexuality are different things.

You can be one or the other or indeed both, but it doesn’t mean yuo’re automatically both.

sexual and romantic attractions are two separated things.

She should just go out with someone she fancies ,who fancies her. It's good that ,in these modern times, that can be anyone of any sex or gender. Quite nice really.