Or am I just old and out of touch?

[snowdropsandcrocuses]

DD 15 has a group of friends consisting of all girls except one male. He's a lovely kid. I guess if I described him I would say good kid, loner, long hair, skinny. He's a nice boy but not particularly sociable.

So we're chatting about her friends and she says her male friend (we will call him Jack) is pansexual. I had to Google this to discover it meant he is attracted to both sexes. She then told me, in all seriousness, he is Aromantic.

I had to pause for a second and confirm she meant he does not like/do romance to which I got another honest, straight faced 'yes'

So wait, there is a 15 year old boy in your friendship group (all girls except him) that is attracted to both (all?) genders and is not interested in romance. In other words, he wants to shag but not date?

I swear I don't get it. She cannot see any irony in the term 'aromantic' for a teenage boy. And I want to stop the train and get off!

I think you’re misunderstanding completely. It’s an equally valid viewpoint to think that your sexuality is not fixed or labellable and isn’t an “identity” at all - that in fact was the belief throughout most of history. You can be gay or lesbian or bi or straight and still not believe your sexuality is part of your “identity”, or indeed “identify” with any label. Lots of people are like that - more than you think, if you actually ask people.

Many people over the age of 30 who you assume are straight don’t actually fit that label at all. Some people like labels. Others don’t.You’ll find a lot of people don’t fit into the boxes if you get to know them better instead of assuming that you “clearly know” that most people on here are straight.

Your viewpoint is a really recent way of thinking about sexuality and identity, and it’s by no means the only one or necessarily the right one, either. It’s just one way of thinking. Assuming that everyone here is past it and ignorant because they don’t subscribe to the currently fashionable gender labels is your assumption.

Blimey, there's a label for everything these days! I would date men, women and transmen but not transwomen....do I get a special name? 😃

Yes so it means he's willing to have sec with any gender but doesn't feel romantic relationship vibes towards anyone.

Basically, he'll fuck anyone but won't love them.

Yes, but you’re Not Allowed to have that “identity” so don’t tell the identity police your plans 😂

Yes, but you’re Not Allowed to have that “identity” so don’t tell the identity police your plans

Bit mad innit. I don't see how it can be prejudice to not fancy transwomen...I just don't, can't help that. Transmen and non-binary people who were born female I find super attractive tho.

you are not alone and having a gay son myself, i also dont get it the world is moving too fast for people like you and me. I had a very victorian upbringing with life centred around the church.
If my grandma bless her soul was alive now she would get a coronary heart attack for sure just trying to work out all these new terms flying about.

i just google things now !

‘a bunch of middle aged or older Internet warriors’

With respect, less of the ageist bollocks & lazy age based stereotyping.

Excited, think I might be greysexual. Well, that or the men in my life are all mingers. One or the other. Would explain a lot.

Why on earth do a bunch of middle aged or older Internet warriors think anyone gives a sh1t what they think about how anyone, or whatever age, identifies?
Why do you think anyone gives a shit what you think?

When I was that age there was a very popular song called "find em, fuck em, and flee" . I thought that was pretty awful but now apparently we are to understand that these poor young men were just misunderstood Aros.

What a bunch of bullshit. That males who like to fuck with no emotional strings attached are now to be earnestly described as aromantics. A marginalized sub group if you will.

The menopause has really put a damper on my sex drive. The good news is that makes me asexual, or ace. We have our own flag and everything.

I mis read it the same way as you, but interpreted it as… wasnt so keen on personal hygiene (like many teenager boys I know) and could maybe use an application of soap, deodorant and maybe some perfume too!

Because these miserable keyboard warriors are still wiping the backsides of the kids who are having to navigate all of this.... I honestly couldn't care less how my daughter identifies or what her sexual preferences are and will love her and support her regardless. However maybe I really AM miserable and middle aged coz I just wish kids would spend more time just enjoying their childhood and being innocent for as long as they can and then when they get older just exploring their sexuality and enjoying first boyfriends/girlfriends/theyfriends without having to worry about a label (which may or may not change as they grow up) defining their whole sense of identity or wellbeing. Maybe I just 'don't get it' but I honestly think this is making most kids fundamentally more unhappy and more stressed... or maybe it's a symptom of them being unhappy and stressed who knows... either way for most level-headed parents it's actually quite scary

@snowdropsandcrocuses I read your post out to DH (having never been a teenage boy myself) to get his take...
He said, in all seriousness, that Jack sounds like a predator. He's a loner that's managed to wheedle his way into a group of girls and gain their trust. The "Aromantic" label means he just wants to shag the girls - which is obviously what most 15yo males want really, but they tend to do the "social norms" of dating first and not just picking them off one by one.
He's going to make someone a truly shit son-in-law one day.
I'm so glad not to be 15 again.

But this discussion isn’t about whether you should be forced to adopt a particular label or identity. No one should.

This is about a bunch of pathetic mumsnetters sneering at others who choose to label a particular orientation, preference or identity for themselves.
**
@TeaKlaxon I never said it was 🤔
Absolutely, no one should. I loathe the term 'cis woman' as do many other women but it's being rammed all over us by a group/groups outside of women who don't have an identity crisis. Women/woman is sufficient. Sub categorising isn't needed.

The label-elitist should refrain from, as you like to put it 'sneering' at those who have no desire to label. If you take a look at the bitter condescending language thrown at us 'pathetic, keyboard warriors, middle aged mummies'. Mums on mumsnet 😮how peculiar? It's not really helping.

The thread is about a teenager labelling themself with 2 conflicting labels to identify their sexual orientation. Doesn’t make sense. This is where the need to label becomes overkill and confusing for children and parents.
If someone must use a label to help them identify, fine. People can't be forced to agree that every change in a romantic feeling must be labelled and that person becomes said label.

@weltenbummler - LOL
"On Wednesdays we wear pink"

@Miajk, it's nonsense to separate out physical attraction from a feeling of attraction to a personality, a voice, a certain posture, a look in the eyes, etc.

It's all a complete package.

And it is demonstrably not difficult to find labels for all the nuances of attraction.

@TeaKlaxon - keep up.

If you do a little research you'll find there have been lots of people up in arms about the kissing of princesses by princess for decades now.

Yep, this is what children are learning at school, madness, these kids are going to have serious MH issues, it causes so many arguments in families too.

*princes

'Aromantic' is not some fancy new orientation. It's just a word for a player with commitment issues. Nothing new under the sun...

I think youth these days are looking for identities to validate their dysfunctions. Can't find a girlfriend? Aromantic! Can't get laid? Demiromantic! It's sad.

It's not the same as wanting to get to know someone first and not wanting a casual shag. For about 20 years I felt absolutely no sexual attraction to anyone. I never fancied anyone, never watched a film or a band and thought "phwoar I'd have a bit of that". I thought there was something physically wrong with me. I actually went to the GP as I thought I hadn't gone through puberty properly or something.

I love the way that people of my age, which is some sweeping statement, are not supposed to understand being gay or bisexual or lesbian. When I was young,donkeys years ago, we all knew what the terms meant and actually knew people who identified that way. Despite the whole Section 28 nonsense, most of us didn't give two hoots about who you shagged, or in what numbers , we were very easy going about it all. Yes, I know there are some people who are prejudiced, but there have always been those who aren't. FWIW , I don't see the need to label anyone because our feelings may change on lots of things, mightn't they?

Those are not the same.

Every single straight woman grows up in a society that tells her that her sexual orientation is normal and the default.

That is different to policing the actual expression of that sexuality, which both straight women and queer people experience.

But that does not change the fact that straight women never have to grapple with the question of whether they are ‘normal’ to be attracted to men or want relationships with men - our entire society is structured to reinforce to them that this is normal and that default.