To ask what makes someone seem ‘classy’?

[Classynotme]

Not rich but the calm, serene and classy vibe that some people just give off?

To me it’s about being slow, polite and considered if that makes sense, never rushed. Plus looking well put together.

I’m always rushing and speaking too fast and seem harassed but I’d LOVE classier!

"Not everything you wear has to be expensive, it just has to look as if it might be"

I love these "how to be expensive" type threads. I also love Kate M. There, I said it! Bet she swears in private tho!

I can't believe we still see being completely devoid of personality or opinion as a badge of quality for women

I don't think anyone at all has recommended those things though - and anyway isn't it more about how they're expressed?
Some of my greatest role models - both men and women - have personality and opinions to burn, but their manners are exquisite and it wouldn't even occur to them to be aggressive. They don't need to because they treat others with the same respect as themselves and funnily enough it's nearly always returned

@Puzzledandpissedoff

They have though. Someone said on page 1:

Someone who doesn’t overshare very personal information or opinions on anything controversial

And there's a general theme running through this thread that its basically about keeping your mouth shut, not letting people know what you really think and keeping everyone guessing. Along with the usual twaddle about nice nails and clean hair etc.

There are some other more universal qualities being cited which I'd agree with: good manners, consideration, the ability to listen to others, not being a snob. But there is an unmistakeable whiff of auto-misogyny on this thread.

You're quite right, Thepeopleversuswork - I missed that one
It's not a position I share personally, but I honestly still think it's not so much about the view as how it's delivered; in other words the difference between "You're a twat" and "Don't you think that ...?"

What a depressing thread. Full of women, know your place bollocks (always be serene and elegant and well mannered and never swear) and plenty of classism to boot.

Given what's happened in America today and the myriad ways in which womens' hard won rights are being eroded, I'd say some 'aggression' and angry words (even sweary ones) have never been more appropriate.

I worked with a girl who in the late 90s who I always viewed as classy. She was privately educated, dressed in quite a classical way and was very self-possessed. I cringe now when I think of how I overshared a couple of times. To me classy is elegant, naturally attractive without the over use of cosmetics classic, relatively expensive clothes, a sense of entitlement, not being lairy or overly opinionated, good manners, educated, not over indulging in food or drink but appreciating the nice things in life.

On the other hand I am not naturally attractive, I dye my hair bright colours and look ok with the right clothes and make up. I eat rubbish, think I'm not entittled to anything and sometimes overindulge in food. Also I'm guilty of wearing my heart on my sleeve and have to really work at being self-possessed. I often don't manage it. I am however educated (you wouldn't think it looking at my salary), and most of the time I have reasonable manners, my Mum went to a a strict girls school and was quite strict about manners.

Nice sleek hair that falls into place and could withstand a force 10 gale.

Not having deep nail beds. I have deep nail beds and no matter what I do, within ten minutes of scrubbing them, always look like I've been digging around in the flower beds. For this reason, they have to be painted at all times.

@Puzzledandpissedoff I loathe passive-aggressive insults with a vengeance. It is nasty and sneaky with pretend deniability built-in. If you want to say something nasty, say it, but don't say it in a way that makes it difficult for the other person to retaliate.
To be honest I would really judge anyone negatively who pulls this power play. Because it is about power and lording it over someone. And if you do that I will tell you to your face you are an insufferable twat.

How about educating yourself further by reading up on classism. It’ll save you all that angst of trying to be someone you’re not to align with an outdated social code.

Posture
Good manners
Well spoken

I bumped into a mum of one of the other kids at nursery at the beach today. Had never met before but recognised her son. I immediately sensed she was classy as she had expensive sun glasses on, nice understated clothes I can imagine were not from primark, a massive engagement ring and her kids have nice names! When she told me which area of town she had just moved to, I know it’s expensive and it made me feel self conscious! I’ve always felt a bit insecure about myself, not helped by the fact my mum classes herself and my dad as the rough ones of the family!!

My husband has a very good job, we have a modest house, I have an average job but have never been career driven. I have a few tattoos, I don’t spend a lot on clothes and have a bit of a common accent! She said she would like to meet up for a play date and I was taken aback thinking ‘what me?’… I hope it happens!

A sense of entitlement is a desirable trait? Really?

And yes, hush now ladies, don't get too opinionated. Everyone knows you should be seen and not heard (but if you do have to be seen, at least make sure you're naturally attractive).

Yep. A thoroughly depressing thread.

Please stop thinking you're not as good as this woman, or that you have a 'common' accent, or that she's something special because she has a large engagement ring and doesn't shop at Primark.

This is what these threads do. Perpetuate outdated, sexist, classist ideas and make women feel inferior because of their accents, tattoos, spots, small engagement rings... A million different ways to put the boot in and send the message that we're not good enough.

This thread's awful. Just perpetuating antiquated standards that were already outdated 30 years ago. Let's re-establish the Rank Charm School and roll out some lovely girls how they used to make them.

Still struggling to understand how someone who likes visiting art galleries, old churches and reading Austen can be said to be devoid of personality?!

Very interesting responses and seems to be a theme. Apologies for the use of the word ‘classy’, can’t really think of an alternative which easily describes what I mean!

@Whodoiwanttobe I love beautiful jewellery - what was the ring like? I think you have to be a certain person to pull off a big diamond. It would look fake, rather than classy on me! I hope you get your play date - if the mum is ‘classy’ then she won’t care if your backgrounds are different!

Not quite right, darling, the word "yes" has an "h" at the beginning AND at the end.
Apart from that, spot-on!

That's not classy, just dull as fuck

Oh I know… how I think is totally wrong. It’s been ingrained in me from a young age but I’m having therapy for that!

Three massive diamonds but mine has one lovely big diamond and I love it but hers was like WOW! It would look silly in my tiny hands anyway!

I hope we get our play date too and seeing as she instigated it, she must have liked me!

Fat ✔️ tattoos ✔️ piercings✔️ swears like a trooper ✔️ I am absolutely fucked!

This made me snort! Love it. Also love the crumbly Nature Valley bar.

Because all they can say about those visits and reading, is how nice. They are not allowed to say anything controversial about the art they see, and probably not allowed to visit galleries with controversial art either. Anyone who knows anything about art knows it is very political and controversial. The kind of person who just swans around going how nice at another old master, is dull as fuck though.

I would ask some of the people commenting on this, that if the people they admire so much suddenly lost their diamonds and elegant grooming and 'sense of entitlement' and suddenly became very opinionated indeed about their losses, how "classy" would they be then?

Hiding this thread, utterly depressing.