To have these kind of dinners when DH is away?

[DaphneeBridgerton]

Backstory: I do have anxiety and depression which is a lot worse since having DD 14 months ago, am starting fluoxetine tomorrow and have had various types of therapy but investigating more

So I think I’m second-guessing myself / looking for a bit of reassurance but do want to keep it lighthearted if possible!

Whenever DH is away overnight for work (once or twice a week usually) I can never be bothered to cook myself a ‘proper’ meal…

When he’s here I will cook things like lasagne, stir fry, shepherds pie, risotto etc for us both but when left to my own devices I can’t be bothered and end up eating things like a fried egg sandwich, beans on toast or even a packet of spicy rice with some avocado on the side. I always eat but never anything really wholesome or complicated.

Also I do cook for my DD - tonight she had waffles, scrambled egg and broccoli as an example. So she’s not suffering!

Is this my depression? Is this something other people do? Or am I just lazy?! I genuinely think I just like simpler meals, my mum is very similar but I’m just wondering what other people think.

Absolutely fine . When DH was away for work the children and I always had soup and smiley faces for “tea” ….. evening meal was always dinner when ExDH was home . I felt guilty as hell even though we all enjoyed it ( quick dash to the shop so we could all choose our favourite tin of soup ) . It wasn’t until years later , after the divorce , the children told me, and still do , soup and smiley faces for tea is still one of their best childhood memories . Wish I had known that then .

There have been times when all I have managed is pasta and cheese, for myself and DD. don't beat yourself up about it. however I do wonder whether if this is a regular pattern you're not valuing yourself highly enough to cook for? Depends on your motivation behind it. Also fruit and vegetable intake has been found to be linked to depression so please bear this in mind.

Sometimes recently I've been having a picnic in the park with DD, hummus, bread, cheese and some fruit is all you really need and it's good for the soul.

Beans on toast is a wholesome balanced meal by the way.

Who needs to eat 'proper' food like lasagne every night? - no wonder we are all so fat. I look forward to my family being away so i don't need to bother with cooking.

Nothing better than a boiled egg.

absolutely normal! We have toast and beans maybe twice a month because we enjoy it. Likewise I loveeeeeee a roll and crisps😋😋Sometimes you just can't be arsed and that's ok.

@bellac11 I loved your comment, there is nothing wrong with a jacket spud and beans, like there is nothing wrong with spicy rice and avocado.

Although light-hearted, the OP did want validation, and although I haven't read the whole thread, the comments I have read have been absolutely positive and supportive, hopefully, the OP will realise this.

Op, I don't think YABU or lazy.

Thank you, it's been a rough couple of years with being alone and being locked down happened together, even now there are people I've not yet got away to see. When he was alive he would say 'I'm off to bed' then still be lurking an hour later, I used to say his retirements were like SInatra, long and dragged out. Since he died we've often commented that his passing is much the same, not cruel, he would have been the first to laugh at it!

I’m exactly the same. Depression and anxiety and I just can’t be bothered to cook anything fancy for just me. I don’t enjoy cooking anyway so I end up doing basics like jacket potatoes or toast with various toppings. Functional non exciting dinners are fine as long as they’re providing some carbs, protein and fats. save your energy!

I do scrambled eggs and toast at least once a week for family.

I'm a devil for not eating properly, and generally not looking after myself, if left to my own devices, especially if my mental health is not good. So I have self imposed rules for wellbeing.
They are 1) get up, get washed, get dressed. 2) make bed and tidy bedroom and bathroom 3) eat 3 meals a day which must contain a carb, a protein and two portions of fruit or veg. So within these parameters food could be as simple as a lump of cheese, crackers, apple and tomato, to an elaborate feast. It's all good as long as I follow these very basic nutritional guidelines. I find this helps me keep my head together.

Definitely very normal as far as I’m concerned!
Dh does the cooking here anyway, he cooks elaborate fancy meals most nights. When he’s not here I feed the kids (or the older ones are happy to fend for themselves so I just feed the youngest) and I mostly don’t even bother eating - can’t be arsed. It’s just more clearing up at the end of the day and I’m certainly not someone who needs to worry about skipping an evening meal every now and then!

Absolutely fine! When mine is away I get Indian takeway in for dinner, as its something he doesn't like.

When they were doing free deliveries to our area, I used to order up so I had enough for a couple or so nights and also freeze into smaller portions for my lunches down the track (not a sandwich lover).

I love cooking and make some amazing meals but when my DH is away and the DC are not home I will eat a tub of pringles washed down with red wine and call it a meal. I'm not depressed and I'm not lazy, everyone deserves a night off!

Same here ...

Packet of 2 min microwave vegetable pulsar rice or egg friend rice and tear up 2 ham slices into it (which we have for packed lunches)
Quickest meal ever 😬

• vegetable pilau (not pulsar)

I'm actually quite relieved to know I'm not the only one, I had a cheese spread and cucumber sandwich and a bag of plain crisps for my tea last night

I thought this is what everybody does.

It occurred to me the other day I have probably never eaten vegetables or salad for dinner unless another adult is also there. And I like them. But I just wouldn't bother.

My MIL is the same, she has lived alone for years and has cheese and crackers for dinner every night. My DH tries to convince her to do otherwise but I don't, I'd do exactly the same thing.

It’s an absolute treat when your partner is away and you can wolf a lump of cheese with the fridge door open. My parents always do fancy dinners every night, table laid, serving platters, music on, the works. The moment my dad is away overnight my mum has a boiled egg and soldiers at the kitchen counter.

My “DP is away” meal of choice is generally an entire tube of Pringles with a bowl of homemade tzatziki, while reading a book without being interrupted. Bliss.

Since I became voluntarily man free I've eaten exactly what I want, when I want. It was a huge relief to me that all this planning, buying and preparing of meals was no longer something I needed to do.
and Fluoxetine are great, buy stick out the first few weeks of side effects (in my case, including appetite loss 😁).

I eat dinner alone most nights as OH works away and no kids.

I seriously can't be arsed and usually just eat an egg sandwich or something.

I am not depressed - just lazy I guess! No point slaving over a hot stove for one person.

Its just me and DH at home now.
When he's away I'll always have something simple, Cereal in the Lounge, watching tele. Or Toast & Jam.
My mum was exactly the same. Her favourite was boiled Egg & Toast. I thought of her when I read your post ancientgran

It's normal OP What isn't normal is eating something because you feel obliged to. Have what you fancy.

Literally has nothing do with depression or anxiety :) I never cook when my dh isn't home. Hell no. P and b sandwiches will suffice. Or cereal. A bag of crisps etc

One of the absolutely wonderful things about being a single parent is….

I don’t need to factor in another adult in to evening meals. Absolute bliss. I either eat early with my children or…. Tray, a weird veggie concoction, TV. Peace. Bliss

You are grown up and you are allowed to make your own choices. About everything.

Having spoken to at least 3 or 4 separate women about this phenomenon, I'm starting to conclude that meat-based solid dinners were basically invented for male appetites. All the women chose light, mostly vegetarian options when DH is away. I'm the same.

When DD was younger I used to live for the week in the summer hols that he would take her to stay with the ILs. I’d do a big clean the first night, then the rest of the week lie on the sofa doing nothing, MNing and watching trash tv. I’d even take the Friday off work so I had a full day to myself.

Id also go out and buy a couple of boxes of cereal and extra milk. I lived on coco pops and cheese toasties for a week. It was bliss. On Fri night I’d order a Chinese takeaway and have that Fri and Sat.

on Sunday I’d make a huge roast with tons of veg ready for their return (and to get some vitamins in me!)

God I miss it.