To have these kind of dinners when DH is away?

[DaphneeBridgerton]

Backstory: I do have anxiety and depression which is a lot worse since having DD 14 months ago, am starting fluoxetine tomorrow and have had various types of therapy but investigating more

So I think I’m second-guessing myself / looking for a bit of reassurance but do want to keep it lighthearted if possible!

Whenever DH is away overnight for work (once or twice a week usually) I can never be bothered to cook myself a ‘proper’ meal…

When he’s here I will cook things like lasagne, stir fry, shepherds pie, risotto etc for us both but when left to my own devices I can’t be bothered and end up eating things like a fried egg sandwich, beans on toast or even a packet of spicy rice with some avocado on the side. I always eat but never anything really wholesome or complicated.

Also I do cook for my DD - tonight she had waffles, scrambled egg and broccoli as an example. So she’s not suffering!

Is this my depression? Is this something other people do? Or am I just lazy?! I genuinely think I just like simpler meals, my mum is very similar but I’m just wondering what other people think.

It might be my poverty upbringing in the 60s/70s but I always thought beans on toast, egg on toast, can of soup and a sandwich etc was a proper meal.

I don’t cook beyond ready meals and stir fry’s and having ADHD I get bored easily. The idea of cooking every night is so boring
Normally it is a cheese and tomato sandwich with a bit of salad to make it healthy:

A bowl of cereal.
With a banana on top of I’m feeling fancy!

I’m definitely overthinking it - I keep doing that at the moment! Always wondering how ‘normal’ I am for various things I do. Glad I’ve found my tribe of lazy cooks either way!

Totally normal I think. I often can’t be bothered to eat at dinner if it’s just me. If I go so far as having toast or plain pasta I feel pretty proud of myself. I don’t think I’ve ever cooked a proper meal just for myself even. DH does but he appreciates food more than me so that makes sense.

If I’m alone the choice is between takeaway or not really eating/ eating something incredibly plain and easy to cook.

Would you judge somebody if you heard they ate this of an evening? Would you think they were lazy?

Cheese, olives, baguette and wine……..
I hate cooking but love eating!

My DH is away Mon-Fri and I have two DC 10 & 12

Mon - them - leftovers from Sunday dinner that is pre-plated (chicken, veg, mash) me - toast and hummous later on

tues - them - remaining leftover chicken, pasta and pesto. I had pasta with a dollop of garlic Philadelphia.

weds - kids out at DMs - I had Tesco salad bowl and put a good handful of cubed feta on and crusty roll

Thurs - them - kiev, wedges and salad. I had the leftover wedges in a sandwich!!!!!

I do this aswell I get lazy when it's just cooking for me so il make jacket potatoes, beans on toast, sticky noodles, fritatas, soup and a sandwich or a takeaway if I really can't be bothered 🙃

You're not alone OP. Victorian women were delighted when their husbands dined at their clubs because they could have a simple meal on a tray instead of going through all the palaver of a multi course dinner. And they had servants.

Seriously, unless you have Rebecca de Winter level menu planning skills, you'll fall back on easy meals at least some of the time. I favour smoked salmon and scrambled eggs - quick, nutritious, works for breakfast, lunch or supper.

No I wouldn't, would you?

OP,when my H is away on tours I've been known to live on fishfinger and rocket sandwiches with tartar sauce or cheese on toast with Dijon mustard- stick some cherry tomatoes on side and I'm sorted- and I normally love cooking!!!

I'm lazy about cooking when DH is away and I am not depressed in the slightest. My favourite is a pile of salad leaves, a tub of prawn cocktail and some crusty bread and butter.

Up until about 2011 op my DH was away a lot. I could make a shop bought quiche, bag of salad and coleslaw last for four days. I also used to enjoy a toasties with a tin of Heinz, egg mayo sandwiches, ham sandwich and cup a soup, sometimes two starter salmon mouses with toast. The piece de resistance was a tin of buitoni ravioli with parmesan. Toast and pate was another one. Funnily enough I was still quite slim then.

The DC had proper meals because the au-pair made them

They are grown men and should not rely on you to cook for them.
I bought him a fish once. He couldn't eat it because I didn't remove the eyes. I'm a vegetarian. He's an asshole.

I have ADHD, if there’s no one else to cook for, I’ll just not bother. I might just eat crisps or something.

I cook good proper food for the kids (and me). But if it’s just me and no one is relying on me (or might judge my uselessness), then I’d be counting a fried egg sandwich as a really impressive meal.

Why do you worry it's not OK? Of course it's fine. It can get tiring and annoying cooking for one. I live alone and often have 'snacky' dinners. Cooking from scratch and washing up afterwards can easily take 90 minutes...that's time I could be spending on practising the language I'm learning or going for a run. Or I might have gone out for a few drinks after work, and then I get in and just have noodles or cheese on toast. I love cooking when in the mood but sometimes it's not a good use of my time.

Same - Charlie Bigham in the oven, 30 mins, job done

I eat just what I fancy (available ingredients permitting) when OH is away, it’s liberating!

I'm the same. If my DH is out, I usually have a simple meal, beans on toast or pesto pasta. I just want something quick once the kids are in bed.

Because I overthink everything!

Never occurred to me to think there was anything wrong with a dinner of pringles and rosé this evening with DH out

Totally normal that you'd want to eat easy snacks when you're usually cooking up 'proper meals' for your husband. Lasagne takes a lot of work! Lying naked on the couch watching Selling Sunset and eating crisps and dips is a lovely respite. Or is that just me?

Just because we're women doesn't mean we're programmed to cook meat and three veg every night.

It’s fine, no one wants to cook all the time. If you have the right ingredients in you can have fruit and veg with it.

I love the days DP is late home and I can "cook" for myself.
I end up with omlette/eggy bread/egg mayo sandwich or a bowl of sausage rolls with baby tomatoes and lettuce. Occassionally takeaways.
It's not that I dont like cooking, it's the washing all the pots for one person I cant bear.

I really don't want a 'proper' meal seven nights a week .. so sometimes I cook, sometimes DH cooks or we just eat separately.... after 35 years of marriage I am totally bored with eating together every night and having to 'compromise' on something we both like. The story about the widow echoed with me, my DF died last year - my DPs had been married 60 years but DM says she has so much more time and energy now that she doesn't have to shop and cook so much ....