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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Debating between these two countries. Which is better to bring children up in?

572 replies

Mixedfeelings89 · 23/06/2022 19:33

England or America. I am from England, Husband is American. We are not rich, nor poor therefore we would be living a average lifestyle. My only concern is which country will be better for the children? If we didn't have children I wouldn't really care which country either way. I just want the best for the children. Children are not yet school age, if that makes a difference.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
RevoltingHumanHead · 25/06/2022 02:02

It's okay to prefer living in the US but to feel you have to justify it by pretending that primary school kids in the UK have the same shooter drills as in the US is such a bizarre lie to spin.

tralalom · 25/06/2022 02:14

@Dotjones in what way US is freer!? Free to buy guns? No thank you. Don't want to kill, don't want to be killed. Free at work? Nope, slave to the master. Free to go to college and choose your life? Hmm doesn't seem like it. Free to walk in a hospital and demand service? Oops.

Utterlyexhausted · 25/06/2022 02:28

RevoltingHumanHead · 25/06/2022 02:02

It's okay to prefer living in the US but to feel you have to justify it by pretending that primary school kids in the UK have the same shooter drills as in the US is such a bizarre lie to spin.

Not a lie..Sad to say but it's very true! If you recall correctly, there was a time not long ago that terrorists would plow into people in London..have you conveniently forgotten that?! Obviously the schools put a plan in place - rightly or wrongly - but you obviously didn't have children affected by this otherwise you'd shut up..jog on

Utterlyexhausted · 25/06/2022 02:29

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RevoltingHumanHead · 25/06/2022 02:35

Primary school children in the UK do not partake in regular drills as children in the US do. This is fact and you insisting otherwise because your kids once did a drill years ago after a terrorist attack makes you look foolish.

As I say, it's fine to prefer living in the US but to defensively claim that it's the same set up in British primary schools is patent nonsense.

Utterlyexhausted · 25/06/2022 02:40

Revolting..fact of the matter is that the UK practices this..where have I ever said that the UK does it on the same level?!

Stop looking foolish & putting words in my mouth. And don't target me because you don't like what I write.

You said I was lying about those drills..? Again, jog on..

www.mykentfamily.co.uk/primary/amp/lockdown-drills-at-schools-in-case-of-terrorist-attacks-194839/

RevoltingHumanHead · 25/06/2022 02:43

Calm down, love. You were trying to draw an equivalence. There is none. Now you're tantrumming like a child.

Utterlyexhausted · 25/06/2022 02:46

Sweetheart, be sure to back up your claim before you call someone a liar 😉

RevoltingHumanHead · 25/06/2022 02:49

It is a lie to imply that the UK has the equivalent of live shooter drills. A couple of random schools having a terrorist drill in 2018 is not the same thing.

But of course, you know this...

Momtotwokids · 25/06/2022 02:58

All of you complain about US healthcare, I've never waited years for any care even during the height of covid. A blog I visit her husband has waited 2 years for prostate surgery and is still waiting. Mine had his within a couple of months of seeing his doctor. Care for cancer patients didn't stop like Britain. I saw my surgeon and oncologist with no problem. There is a safety net for those who can't afford food or healthcare here. We don't have a year maternity leave but to me that is unnecessary.

NumberTheory · 25/06/2022 02:59

tralalom · 25/06/2022 02:14

@Dotjones in what way US is freer!? Free to buy guns? No thank you. Don't want to kill, don't want to be killed. Free at work? Nope, slave to the master. Free to go to college and choose your life? Hmm doesn't seem like it. Free to walk in a hospital and demand service? Oops.

Culturally, the US gives people far more freedom to make mistakes, try again, be different if they want to be.

Utterlyexhausted · 25/06/2022 03:07

What exactly is the difference?!

Look, I'm not here to argue with you.

I'm not happy that my children had to have these "drills" in the UK, nor am I happy that this is the case in the US.

The world situation is dire tbh and I'm hoping your anger is due to that.

The US has SO MANY issues,
true..today being an especially sad day, but overall where I lived in the UK, we were not safe. The schools were failing. We had the opportunity to earn 3 x our salaries and choose one of the safest cities with top schools, we would have been foolish not to jump at this chance. Kids are happy and flourishing here and that's all that matters to me.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 25/06/2022 03:08

No doubt that the NHS is being purposely driven to breaking point by the Tories, and no doubt that if you can afford it you can get great healthcare in America. But a lot can't afford it. Every year over 500,000 Americans file for bankruptcy because they can't afford to pay their medical bills. That is not a system that is working for the American people.

Lola4321 · 25/06/2022 03:37

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Boxowine · 25/06/2022 03:37

Do you have daughters?

Lola4321 · 25/06/2022 03:42

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Elspethelf · 25/06/2022 04:00

I am an Australian living in the US and it is dog eat dog here. You fall down, people step over you. It’s messed up.

Nandocushion · 25/06/2022 04:14

It's exhausting even just reading threads like this, especially on a day like today. OP, if you move to the US, you will have a much better standard of living, as in a better and bigger house, more space, cheaper and more stuff, and yes better medical care if you have insurance, which you likely will. And life mostly will cost less (you don't pay at all for medical insurance in more senior white collar jobs, your employer does that). The people are mostly really friendly.

Is that all worth all the other crap? That's totally up to you. We have now left the US, we had a great time living there for a decade, we struggled with all the cultural stuff, and we are happy being out of all that, but we miss our friends and things being affordable, and we miss having so many options (travel, schooling, life in general) because it was so affordable. Even with the free healthcare and the fewer guns we have now in Canada we will never ever ever have the same standard of living we had there, and for the most part we're okay with that, but yes we totally have moments of regret. So just recognise that it's a trade-off and decide what matters to you the most.

Nandocushion · 25/06/2022 04:38

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Boxowine · 25/06/2022 04:58

There are alligators throughout Florida and the entire Gulf, including Alabama and Louisiana. Definitely a concern. I personally am more afraid of the wild boars in those states. And the pit bulls whose owners can't control them. But I guess that's why we have 390 million guns in a country with 330 million people. And guess what! The pro lifers on the Supreme Court just struck down the states' abilities to regulate concealed carry.

The standard of living is probably higher. We allow endless streams of the cheapest, most poorly made consumer goods to be imported from third world countries and have an economy based on an utter lack of worker's rights, no living wage, no guaranteed maternal leave, less than half the annual leave you would get in UK.

Tiani4 · 25/06/2022 05:20

Lots of pp talking about US and tbh I would never want to raise my DCs there. Too much gun ownership and gun crime and school shootings. They don't have a genuine health or welfare state which is fine if everyone is well and employed but not if someone becomes ill.

So let's talk about North of England

It's rainier and cold sometimes in England - we do get variations in weather which is why it's our favourite topic Wink

But even then compared to other countries our weather is relatively mild - never as cold as Canada and never as hot as some parts of US.

Housing tends to be smaller in England compared to what you might afford in some parts of US but we do have lovely houses 😁 and North England is cheaper on the whole for housing

We're a smaller country but not far from Europe so you can still travel!

Free education until 18, NHS and a good welfare state, even if people argue it's changing due to politics it's not changing that much !! (I work in this area) university is expensive - is loans taken out- but it's not expensive like it is in US. Similar careers May pay slightly less than US but benefits are far better, national legislation means there is more inbuilt job security for those in posts more than 2 years , more annual leave sick pay and slightly better conditions eights such as Working time directive (doesn't apply to everyone but is generally a better situation than US).

England is fairly multicultural, more so in some places than others. So in the whole most people are more inclusive and accepting.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 25/06/2022 05:23

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I wouldn't think any female would consider living there. Or anyone with female children.

onlythreenow · 25/06/2022 05:23

Only an imbecile would even think for an olympic split second of visiting that backward third world barbarian country, let alone raising a child there.

And yet many millions of people do raise their children there, with no problems. Many more people visit the country, again with no problems. Honestly, what is wrong with so many in the UK that they come out with some of the rubbish on this thread.

Gusfringrules · 25/06/2022 08:01

Given yesterday's cruel and mysoginistic vote, the 'right' to sell/own a weapon of mass destruction and the homophobia, I wouldn't evenn consider the USA for a bloody holiday let alone a place to bring up children.

Gusfringrules · 25/06/2022 08:02

onlythreenow · 25/06/2022 05:23

Only an imbecile would even think for an olympic split second of visiting that backward third world barbarian country, let alone raising a child there.

And yet many millions of people do raise their children there, with no problems. Many more people visit the country, again with no problems. Honestly, what is wrong with so many in the UK that they come out with some of the rubbish on this thread.

Nothing wrong with us, we just don't want to go to a country that denies women abortion, allows any fool to carry a gun, and... well,