Denied boarding due to excess alcohol. What happens next when abroad?

[Cheeseandlobster]

I will try to keep the details vague and I know this isn't an aibu but I am posting for traffic

I flew home from holiday recently. At check in there was a woman in a wheelchair who looked unwell travelling with her dp and 2 young children. She was at our gate lying on the floor and her partner said she was drunk and had been the whole week they were away. He said he had had enough. The gate staff asked cabin crew who denied the woman boarding. At this stage her dp was openly crying and people were being really kind helping him to source spare nappies for his youngest and giving water etc. One woman in particular was being incredibly kind and helpful.

However the situation has been playing on my mind. She told cabin crew he was violent to her. The helpful lady said she had witnessed the woman physically going for her dp. But she did have a bruise on her face which he said was caused by falling over drunk. She was also verbally aggressive to staff.

So her dp and children boarded and she was left behind. Her dp said she had money but I don't know how much. I am certain insurance won't pay out for a hotel etc but she was obviously very vulnerable and it has been playing on my mind. I don't know whether the airline would have had a duty of care but the last I saw of her was her slumped sideways in the wheelchair at the gate. Violent or not she must have been very frightened and I don't know whether the airline would have looked after her. Does anyone know whether they would have ensured she was safe?

And that something was the sexes of the parties involved.

I used to be a flight attendant. I wonder if he had sedated her, perhaps. This would be a very good way to get “proof” for custody, etc, if he wants a divorce. I’m Australian, and flight attendants (like nurses, teachers, etc…) are subject to Mandatory Reporting of anything they think is fishy concerning minors. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in Europe and UK have similar laws. If so, SS would be notified.

It all sounds like a desperately sad and dysfunctional situation and I can see how you'd be thrown off beam witnessing it OP. In an ideal world the airline should be alerting the relevant local social services to concerns about child welfare and also keeping an eye on her until she sobers up but maybe they won't since the children have a sober parent with them and since there are lots of pissed up travellers around, sadly.

@Fraaahnces that's good to know about the mandatory reporting. Whatever it is that's going on those children are in a horrendous situation.

None of us know what the situation was, and none of us ever will, so it’s absolutely pointless to speculate what might have happened before they got to the airport and argue over which of them was more likely to be abusive.

Either way - if she was blind drunk and being aggressive she obviously couldn’t be allowed on the plane. Someone had witnessed her being violent towards her partner. If that was the case then of course he shouldn’t have had to stay with her while she sobered up. Nobody is obliged to stay with someone who is being aggressive to them in front of their children. So whatever the background, I have no issue with him taking the children home and leaving her behind.

As for her safety, bear in mind that airports deal with this sort of thing all the time. They will have an appropriate procedure.

Airlines really need to crack down on drunkenness. There should be a limit similar to driving and they should breathalise random passengers. The guidance should be not to drink at all if you are getting on a plane.

Not many people on here seem to tell a woman to lie to cover up their husband’s bad behaviour.

Exactly. Not to mention that the staff at the gate would know the difference between sometime unwell and someone blind drink.

But yes, the hypocrisy on this thread is stunning. Why didn't man lie to cover up his wife's drunkenness? Would anyone here EVER suggest that a woman cover up her husband's drunken abuse?

I wonder if he had sedated her, perhaps. This would be a very good way to get “proof” for custody, etc, if he wants a divorce

I refer back to my earlier post about pure fantasies being dreamed up to excuse the woman and blame the man. Words fail me.

Agree @saraclara mumsnet posters tie themselves in knots trying to excuse bad behaviour from women and blame it on the man. Its never ever the woman’s fault and if it was then a man must have caused her to act badly.

Or maybe it is exactly as it seems - a father who has reached the end of his tether with his drunken, abusive wife and just wants to get his children home. Women can be assholes too.

Even the most melodramatic made for TV movies don’t entertain this type of flight of fancy

But most women would lie to cover up their drunk husband's abusive behaviour. I literally had people come up to me on trains and ask me if everything was OK when my vile ex was hissing insults in my face, and I'd lie, and say I'd done something wrong or wound him up.

Publicly crying, garnering sympathy, being critical of your partner to others, with an audience, is not typical behaviour of an abused partner. It's much more indicative of the abusive partner, trying to paint their victim as an unstable mess.

Hopefully that will be the wakeup call she needs. Sometimes when you witness a horrible glimpse into someone elses life, it can stay with you for a while.

It’s a hard one obviously she shouldn’t be in that state at that time boarding a plane with young children but she was vulnerable, I was almost denied boarding a few years ago because they thought I was drunk I hadn’t touched a drop but my anxiety medication PRN I can slur and be unsteady luckily showed my prescription and DH spoke to ground crew I certainly felt vulnerable but he wouldn’t of left me

Lol this thread is pure nonsense. All these people contorting themselves into pretzels to make it his fault, never her fault.

Hooves and zebras spring to mind.

All the people here immediately jumping to the conclusion that the man is to blame is unbelievable! Women are not absolved from all wrong doing just for the virtue of being female.

Nobody said they were.

There's still something really off about a man abandoning his drunk, vulnerable partner at the airport and flying home without her.

I once went on holiday with a mate and we got on each other's nerves during the week and had a massive bust up on the day of the flight home. Massive. She got drunk and called me all kinds of names. I could see she was in no state to fly and as much as I hated her guts at that moment, I wasn't prepared to leave her in that state.

I think most people would do the same.

And for all we know, this is the last on the list of vile behaviour from the wife, and he finally got up the courage to get out. But no. He is a man and men are all bad. Would it be ok to leave a drunk husband?

There's still something really off about a man abandoning his drunk, vulnerable partner at the airport and flying home without her.

How many people on here with a drunk partner have been told to lock the door and not care if he has nowhere to sleep for the night?

There would be something more massively wrong to continue subjecting their children to their mum being drunk and abusive.

pixie5121 projecting much. You seem determined to blame the man for everything. Bet your tune would change if the sexes were reversed.

Even if that meant sitting in the airport with 2 young kids, not enough nappies and food, having to buy 4 new plane tickets, while the woman rolled around on the floor cursing at people? You would really put your kids through that?

@Cheeseandlobster do you have a non emergency police website you can report stuff to?

My thinking is you should do this, that way you have done ''your bit'' and if s/he does need help and has approached the police (or they became involved from the airport side of things) then they will contact you to speak to you directly and ask questions.

But yes, whatever happened, its a very sad situation. I don't know why he just didn't leave her in bed at their hotel, and he pack the kids up and go without her had she been drinking heavily all week and propped up the bar the night before departure...

Let's hope whatever the situation, help is at hand.

My mother was the drunk. She was violent and abusive and very skilled at acting the victim. My stepfather and I became a team to keep the kids looked after and take care of her . He always apologised to me , their lives were so entangled he didn’t know how to leave her , she’d already fooled the courts once in her first marriage that he was afraid he’d lose control of us all if they divorced. She was poisonous and even tried to imply he’d abused me when we stood together to try and fix our home. It’s not always the man .

I don’t think anyone would be saying this if the roles were reversed- if it was a man who had been violent to his wife when drunk. I think she would be pretty much universally supported in leaving him at the airport. Especially when there are children who need to get home.

I was a bit confused why she was in a wheelchair though. If she has a disability rather than just being drunk that would change my opinion (particularly if the disability means she might not be able to easily take care of herself or if something like a diabetic episode caused the behavior).