What have I just read….

[Loadedforest]

sheerluxe.com/life/food/my-week-plate-lara-hughes

Made my sandwich and crisps blush…

It mostly looks really nice and filling although I have allergies to a lot of nuts and raw fruit and veg so would struggle with this kind of diet. But where's the balance? Fine, eat a mostly plant based diet but doesn't she want some buttery toast? A lovely home made cake? A proper ice cream? Some pasta? It reads more like an obsession than a healthy diet.

And I imagine eye-watering expensive.

See if I was called Amanda Bacon I would assume it was nominative determinism and flipping go for it. Sarnies, baps, quiche, pigs in blankets, crispy, smoked, back, streaky, rind on, rind off…….

We have kebabs from the ropey kebab house on Sunday lunchtime at work. They even do them for a special price of £4 for us, though I think some weeks the "chicken" is questionable 😂 Bet she wouldn't join in.

Caramel Twirl! I need to find one of these tomorrow. I might serve it crumbled on top of vanilla icecream, Buddha bowl style.

And every 2-3 months she goes completely off the rails, has steak, chips, full fat icecream milkshakes and tequila shots. And then the day after folds up the rage and anxiety into a neat little box and has a virtuous smoothie adorned with seeds and coconut and starts again.

I can’t trust anyone who says Mexican kimchi and Moroccan pea shoot salad like that’s a thing. Peak white woman bullshit right there.

Definitely alcohol 🥃

Nothing much to add but this thread is hilarious. Thank you.

Let's cut the crap

Monday - Smoothie, Overpriced Restaurant Salad, Mushrooms and Tofu.
Tuesday - Milkshake, Salad, Salad.
Wednesday - Cereal and yoghurt, Overpriced Restaurant Salad, Overpriced Restaurant Salad. Alcohol.
Thursday - Eggcupful of Chia porridge/drain blocker goop, boiled tinned tomatoes and an egg, the rest of the tin of tomatoes and a fake meat burger.
Friday - Milkshake, couple of tablespoons of rice, carrot and cucumber sticks.
Saturday - bugger all. Then some Overpriced Restaurant boiled tinned tomatoes and an egg. Half a smoothie. Vegetable Salad.
Sunday - sod all. Then some Overpriced restaurant buckwheat and water, salad. Couple of nuts, apple, half a milkshake. Salad.

Just because it costs about £400 a week, that doesn't mean it's anything more than a bunch of salads, handful of grains, couple of milkshakes and two eggs. And a lot of 'I don't need to eat' thrown in along the way just for the ED triggering lols.

Blimey so as well as my legs, bum and tum I'm supposed to tone my uterus too?

”I did an intense workout this morning so I know I need something hearty. I poach two eggs and roast celeriac, broccoli and tomatoes – I drizzle everything with cold-pressed extra virgin olive oil, lime and chilli and serve it on a bed of spinach.”

I’m not sure that my teens would consider this suitably “hearty”

The whole article is a great read though. I keep laughing and waking the dog (who certainly isn’t the first 30 mins on my daily agenda)

What a load of pretentious shite.

7 of the 14 main meals are either bought in or eaten out.

FFS use a bit more imagination than lime and chilli.

Eat some breakfast, seriously.

Plus, there's a load of avocado and quinoa in there, so obviously fine to fuck the planet over so long as you end up with 'glowing skin'.

I'm surprised I managed managed to read past Monday am, by the time she's finished her hour long dancing with the dog or whatever it was, I've had a shower, made my butties, commuted 50 miles and sat at my desk and started doing some actual work.

She only seems to walk the dog once a week too. Or didn't i read it properly?

Also,

how the feck does she have 'odds and ends' in the fridge at the end of the week that don't correspond to any of the meals that she made or ate in the restaurants?

I wondered that too. Maybe she foraged them from the skip out the back of Waitrose after they closed on sunday.

Where do I find a caramel Twirl please PP?

I wondered that too. Maybe she foraged them from the skip out the back of Waitrose after they closed on sunday.

Likewise wondered. Maybe her friends' kitchen compost bins? Her contribution to reducing food waste?

umeboshi paste, avocado, cultured sea vegetables, and pea sprouts. This is my version of a taco, and it's insanely delicious. These ingredients are all pantry staples...

what the actual fuck?! 😂

@FixTheBone that was what jumped out at me - so much avocado! She’s like a One Woman Deforestation Programme 😫

Some of it sounds nice and it’s lovely having someone else making up a salad with all super food things in but OMG it must take such a long time to eat and I’d be hanging out for a bottle of wine and a bag of crisps by Tuesday lunchtime at the earliest

My day is more like

5am crawl out of bed, wishing for alien invasion or something else that would mean work is closed and I could go back to bed to watch random shite on YouTube. Black coffee and a cigarette

7am get off bus, walk 50 yards to the entrance whilst smoking

9.30am neck a slimfast because anything food related makes me want to puke before around midday. Have another black coffee.

11.30am nip out for some Vitamin D and activity that isn't the thousands of steps I do for work and have a cigarette

Sometime between 11.35 and 2.30pm, open the lunchbox to find whatever DP has chucked in there. Usually either rice and salmon + cherry tomatoes or GF pasta, tuna + cheap olives. Have more coffee.

5pm leave work, have a cigarette get home. Collapse on the sofa after giving the cats food.

5.35pm swear softly as DP phones to say he's going to the gym and am I coming along. Go to the gym.

6.30pm get home. Collapse on the sofa. Break out the new vape pen as it's Cherry Cola flavour. Drink tea. Drink 2nd cup of tea about 20 minutes later.

8.40pm DP presents this evening's offering. It's cauliflower, broccoli, tomato, curry paste (so a vegetable curry) and rice. And more tea. If the fuckers in the supermarket sold chips without sodding wheatflour all over them, it would have been curry and chips. Bastards. I'd have even added some raw apple cider vinegar with the Mother and some sea salt flakes for the extra nutrition flavour but, no, the arseholes only stock McCain's. Who are also arseholes.

10.15pm fuck off to bed because I'm knackered. Lay there awake until about 1.45am, then pass out.

Oh, I'm living the fucking dream here.

I like wanky health food more than most but her diet is nuts.

Coconut oil is one of the highest sources of saturated fat going. And while there are people out there who truly believe sat fat doesn’t cause atheroma, there’s a fuck ton of science that proves it does.

Speaking as someone with front line experience of severe cardiac issues…. Unsaturated fats all the way, not subjected to heat.

Also with all those smoothies, she’s consuming vast quantities of fruit very quickly, which will send her blood sugar soaring.

None too savvy are the way, these naturopathic wellness practitioners…

Well this is awkward. I found it quite interesting! 😁

Yes, but the really fancy stuff is expensive and makes everything taste weird, which makes it far superior to lard.

Sounds an utter insufferable bore

I love how the odds and ends in her fridge are super fancy veg! I've just shown dh a picture of them and he replied "poor bitch"