What have I just read….

[Loadedforest]

sheerluxe.com/life/food/my-week-plate-lara-hughes

Made my sandwich and crisps blush…

I haven't read past the first paragraph. the first morning light doesn't help with vitamin D production. The sun isn't high enough in the sky to generate the right wave lengths of light. If she doesn't know that, then I'm not listening to her on nutrition.

I almost burst my spleen holding in laughter while stuck under a sleeping baby reading this. What are "cultured vegetables"??

Chuffing amateur....her almonds weren't even activated....

How do you activate nuts?

that's making me well up, viques. I am feeling suddenly compelled to go out and find more lost, lonely malteasers trapped in their dark, sad little box and release them. Into my mouth.

I'll give you the secret. Go up to a waitrose veg section worker, whisper "alfalfa sprouts" three times in their ear and they will show you to the secret passage....

GAH!!! How does having a smoothie 'rest' your digestive system? Why does it need a rest? If it can't handle three meals a day you've got bigger problems than...whatever problems this person has.

Put them in your mouth.

What are cultured vegetables? The peas roll away if you try to eat them off a knife or turn your fork over to smoosh them on.

Fuck me, she sounds tedious.
Can you imagine being her friend? 😳

Amanda Bacon eating pearl for breakfast must be a joke, surely. She’s not Cleopatra.

I bet she's never had a kebab at 2am.

I'm not even going to credit this to anyone but just wtf...

"After I got my kids down, I pulled out one of the pomegranates left over from the shoot and made a big pot of Jeans Greens Women's Blendtea made with nettle, red raspberry leaf, red clover, and spearmint. I drank it lukewarm with a sprinkle of coconut sugar; I hate hot tea. Like I said, I just had a baby and this tea is supposed to tone your uterus and shrink it right back into shape. I called it my 'uterus tea.'"

Not now Timmy, mummy is drinking her uterus tea....

Her friends will all be of the same ilk

He starts his day with 2 glasses of "alkalised water with apple cider vinegar."

So... de-acidified water, with acid added back in?

(I will admit though that water with a spoonful of cider vinegar in is very tasty.
And there is some slight evidence that drinking it before a meal MIGHT be beneficial for blood sugar regulation or something.
Have to be mindful of your teeth, as with any acidic drinks, of course.)

'Sorry, caramel Twirl? Finally some awful advice on this thread..!'

There isn't actually any caramel in the twirl so it's still the same consistency but it has a chocolate caramel flavour. Would recommend.

True.

Except you soak the nuts first to activate them. This time of year, you don't leave it too long without changing the water in case it starts fermenting or goes slimy.

The nuts swell and look like they're about to start pushing out a shoot so you've done something magical to them and their enzymes just as you're about to eat them.

A bit like Elizabeth bathing in blood to keep herself young but nobody cares about the screams of soaked nuts.

It's about as reasonable as anything else in those deeply entertaining Buddha bowls with those well known Mexican influences that later translate into 'gut-nourishing kimchi.'

They could make a really shit childrens tv together. 'Almonds...activate!'

Cor, my Indian ringnecks would love most of that (minus the onions, natch). I wonder if she takes on non-human clientele? 🐤🐦🐦

Because I bet it’s one of those tiny little dogs that wears a jumper. It doesn’t run, it lies on a cushion being hand fed tiny morsels of wagyu beef carpaccio and having its nails buffed by a canine manicurist.

She seems to be plugging a fancily marketed calcium supplement which she sells.
Bizarrely, it is apparently made of "pearl extract." (I thought that was just going to be a creative name)

moonjuice.com/products/pearl?_pos=1&_sid=b26039462&_ss=r

I am a very compassionate person. Not many people know this but I used to run a rescue centre for abused Lindt bunnies and deer, you see them every year, where some mean person has poked a hole in their protective covering, or stolen their collar and bell. Heartbreaking. I would offer them a safe haven, until the inevitable moment where they would fulfil their destiny and be released from their pain………

@Squooka i just laughed so hard a bit of wee came out.

"''''but nobody cares about the screams of soaked nuts."

DYING!!

This. ^ That article is a load of fucking shit. Anyone who takes that seriously has more money than sense. (And a LOT of time on their hands!)