To leave 4 year old alone in pool

[CatTurd]

With armbands on and me sitting at the side on a sun lounger.

Just curious because I noticed all the other parents getting in or
following their 4/5/6 yr olds around. Maybe I’m being too relaxed.

If you’re genuinely watching him, not just thinking you are while looking at your phone etc., then I’d think it’s fair enough. But IMO most people who think they’re watching small children at beach or pool, mostly aren’t, or not nearly as much as they think they are,

As someone who once had a near-miss drowning of an under 2, it gives me the shudders to see it. These things can happen so terrifyingly quickly.

When we were on holiday recently, my 9 year old was in the pool in front of our lounges (confident swimmer, we had been in and out of the water all day but happy for her to stay in). The pool was about 1.2m deep so she could stand easily enough but toddlers couldn't.
We shouted over to her that it was time to leave, she said she couldn't, I was like what do you mean, why not and she said Im watching this baby, I was like what?? So there was a toddler about 18/2 years floating round in a ring (the ones with leg holes in) and a mum stood on the edge at the other side of the pool to us fully clothed! She had asked my DD to watch him and keep bringing him back to the side! I was WTF, your not a baby sitter come on its time to go!
Honestly I was so shocked that anyone would put a 2 year old in the water with no intention of getting in themselves.

Laughing at the idea of relaxing on a lounger whilst my 4yo splashed in a pool - eh no. I would be an absolute wreck. I would be in the water with him.

Someone I know had her preschool age kid in the pool with armbands. I think she must have been distracted as she didn't notice him experimenting with putting the armbands on his ankles...

Fortunately someone else noticed.

I have an 8 year old who is a good swimmer but we still watch him closely in a pool. Kids muck about and can easily get into difficulty even if they can swim.

I was a lifeguard for several years at a local outdoor pool and have seen too much to not be very cautious.

I apologise for rolling my eyes, couldn't quite believe anyone could be so blasé about water safety.

My friend was having a drink at a pool bar and was horrified when her husband suddenly put down his drink and ran into the water, not least because they were both fully dressed!

By some fluke, he'd seen a 5 year old slip under the water and not come back up. She was actually in the water with her dad and brother a few feet away- a busy pool, and no one around noticed apart from him. She needed hospital treatment, just a few moments more and it could have been a tragedy.

Maybe I’m being too relaxed.

I think the word your looking for is irresponsible.

I’d also say, you can see from our ‘water safety’ weeks during swimming lessons how tough it is for the kids to tread water for any length of time even when they can make a good go of a length. They drum the float to live into them, shouting for help etc but those skills are still not as frequently reviewed as I think they should be.

I'm usually very laid back but 4 is too young unless it's a tiny shallow pool

I think too relaxed is a bit of an understatement

I hate it when you end up supervising loads of children by default as their parents aren’t watching - makes a holiday really stressful

DH used to be a lifeguard (years ago) and told me he used to get so annoyed with parents who just saw him as a baby sitter. He’s had to drag kids out the water before.

At that age you should either be in with them or sitting on the side ready to get in.

If you’re genuinely watching him, not just thinking you are while looking at your phone etc., then I’d think it’s fair enough. But IMO most people who think they’re watching small children at beach or pool, mostly aren’t, or not nearly as much as they think they are

Absolutely. I used to swim a lot and the number of parents who used to sit poolside while reading the paper or scrolling through their phone was quite worrying. No doubt they'd have said they were closely supervising if you'd asked them. In a busy pool their child could have sunk to the bottom before they'd even realised they'd gone.

I know this isn't what the OP is suggesting, but a number of parents also used to assume that other swimmers would keep an eye on their child. I remember realising with horror that a child had been left in the pool with me (the only other swimmer at the time) when I was swimming lengths under the water so I couldn't even see the child. Goodness only knows how long they'd been alone. The mother was incredibly aggressive when she came back and I ended up having to get the pool management involved.

People always claim they are watching 100% but they really aren’t hence the incidents where others have to step in.

You admit you weren't even watching properly. And you get your knickers in a twist because someone eye rolled at you?
That is shamefully inadequate parenting.

Don’t even think about it. Why wouldn’t you in the pool with her?

It's best to just accept that if you are on holiday with small DC, you won't get a break until they are asleep. It's just stressful constantly whilst they are awake.

My older two are fine, they are independent. But my youngest need constant supervision at all times.

I was that child, slipped out of inflatable ring. You'd think a child would splash or make a noise. I didn't I was perfectly still, calm looking even, face down. This was in front of 2 parents and 3 elder siblings. Fortunately someone did notice

My eight-year-old is a good little swimmer who hasn't used buoyancy aids (a woggle, never armbands) for some time, and I still wouldn't, OP. Yes, perhaps that might be viewed by some as over-cautious, but as far as water safety is concerned I don't think it's possible to be too careful. Eight is still quite small, and it's possible to get caught on things underwater, in grilles, pumps, etc.

It's not a risk I'd personally be willing to take.

OP has taken it on board. There is no need to keep piling on and 8 million judgy posts puts parents off from seeking advice in future. MN is meant to be a place of support. This thread should be an ideal MN thread, @CatTurd has asked for advice, received it and will take it. (Fair enough, that title is a bit alarmist and a call to arms though which may be encouraging the YABU replies!)

I speak as someone who was thick enough as a child to put my armbands on my ankles, and had to be rescued by the lifeguard. Eloise by The Damned was playing, I can't hear that song without shuddering even now!

(you can filter posts by OP on the little funnel thing at top of the thread, on the app for anyone, like me until recently, who doesn't know this!)

Maybe I’m being too relaxed
Letting a 4yo in a swimming pool alone isn’t relaxed parenting it’s neglectful parenting .

For any child that isn't confident and needs armbands or other supports, obvs you need to be in the pool or sitting on the side. Ditto for under 12s where there's play (those swimming pool parties with floats etc) or wherever there's horsing around or wave machines/slides.

Both my DC could swim like fish when they were 2.5 yo. Mostly I was in the water with them having fun myself since I enjoy swimming. And certainly if the pool/sea/river was crowded or any of the above examples.

But at some point you do have to stop catastrophising providing they know the dangers and how not to be silly, and also know waters/tides etc.

You need to be in the pool

When dc were 2 and 4 we went abroad on holiday, myself and dh were glued to the side of the splash pool all week. Literally on the side, or in the water. I've heard too many stories about children drowning. Makes me sick to my stomach to think about that happening. I'd rather do that than go home with out my children.