To visit multiple unis with DD before she does her UCAS application?

[MintyCedricRidesAgain]

So you can apply for 5 places...we're looking at 7.

4 are day trip distance, 3 are further afield and require an overnight stay in cheap hotel.

I want to be as supportive as I can of DD as that was something I didn't get at all from my own parents. It was completely out of my dad's frame of reference and my mum was actively against it.

I'm a single parent and not especially flush at the moment but this is really important to me and DD. It's 3-4 years of her life, huge student loans and a life changing experience. I want her to be confident in her decision and happy with the outcome.

My mum is constantly on my back about how OTT and indulgent I'm being and frankly it's driving me up the wall. Whilst it's none of her business and won't change my approach, AIBU?

Eventually they need to decide on a Firm and an Insurance. So 7 needs to be whittled down to 5, then 2. I'm not saying you need to do this, but many students could probably, if pushed, (only teasing here really) make a decision on the course they really really need any, without even visiting. I mean if your aspirational choice is Oxbridge .....

I agree with pp re offer days often being better. (Ds1 went to one at prestigious Durhxm and whilst the Uni is Uber cool and he loved the city, the course wasn't quite right).

Our DC looked at 4 unis. 99% of the prospective students us permits with them.
They put 2 unis that we didn't look at on their list. One we looked at, DC knew that it wasn't for them after 5 mins...has firmed up 2 that we looked round. Defo worth going to look round. Our children experience is very different from the one we had

So glad you are able to go with your DD. My late husband and I took turns to go with my daughter, so glad I went, had a few hair raising experiences and glad she didn't pick certain Uni's! Good luck to your daughter, I hope she gets the grades she needs.

"I agree with pp re offer days often being better. (Ds1 went to one at prestigious Durhxm and whilst the Uni is Uber cool and he loved the city, the course wasn't quite right)."

The trouble with just going to offer days is that it is then too late a Uni or two is not right for you.

This year, I've seen many students get rejected from one, two or even three of their choices - particularly with the increased demand for places from Covid + the mid 2000s baby boom. More and more students are not getting all their offers. If you get rejected from two or more offers, and then find out two you don't really like, you're kind of shafted really.

Did the same with my Mum. Although for a couple I did a car share and went with friends.

Not at all unreasonable.

For me, it wasn't a case that I had to visit them with her, it was a case of I had to visit them for myself which she was fully supportive of.

It's pretty standard and not indulgent.

KCL campus is horrible, but don’t let that put her off! It’s a great uni. Just very spread out, over the Strand, Waterloo, Guys, and Denmark Hill. Students tend to go into college for lectures then socialise in London itself. Focus on the quality of the course, she probably won’t be on campus much outside of lectures.

Cardiff campus was lovely, it moved into my top 5 when I visited (many years ago). Bristol and Nottingham also very nice.

Yes, I don't really understand the argument that it's better to go to the offer holder days. The boat has already sailed by that time! I also don't understand why people are saying that 7 is excessive...most people will have 5 choices on their UCAS form, so visiting a few more than that helps them to make those choices.

DD has gained enormously from visiting the open days so far, and it just wouldn't be possible to get the same information from the websites etc. From talking to university staff and students, and even just from walking around the campus or the city, you feel the vibe of a place in a way that you just can't get from researching online. You get a sense as to whether you would fit in a place or not. I think that's valuable.

OP: "I'm enjoying it all from a somewhat vicarious perspective,"

I get that. I loved it!

It’s perfectly possible to encourage independence in your children and attend open days with them.

They’re not mutually exclusive.

Me too! I'm going to really miss dd when she goes off to uni, but at the same time, I'm so excited for her and for what the future holds for her!

She originally had 7...ruled out UCL without visiting and didn't like LSE.

So the 5 we have left will probably all be on her application unless she takes a raging dislike to one of them.

@Changechangychange haha! DD likes KCL precisely because it's not a campus but spread out! The only campus she'd visited previously (for a college thing) she really disliked and found claustrophobic but she was pleasantly surprised by QM and loves the look of Nottingham.

@Oblomov22 tbh I got a bit emotional yesterday at one point 😳...

It would not have occurred to my parents to visit potential universities with me. For that matter, there was no such thing as an open day. This was (obviously) during the Jurassic period. Nowadays it is so different and if your daughter wants you to do this with her, I think that’s lovely.

We visited five with DD and six with DS,- not always on an open day, we sometimes went to a prospective Uni if we could combine it with holidays or visiting friends, and just wandered round the campus!
I really enjoyed it, and it was so helpful.
my DC didn’t want to go alone. My friends DD went with a friend and they didn’t even get to the open day, just went shopping 😂

I was going to recommend this too. I like it when people share photos of their open day tours.

We went to 4 with our DD, at her request.

I really enjoyed it and it was really helpful to get a feel for each uni and be able to chat with DD about it when she was talking about pros and cons.

I also think my DD seems younger than her 24 year old brother when he was 18, as really her GCSEs and much of 6th form were spent during lockdown.

The world is a very different place now.

Plus our kids have had at least 2 years of enforced stay-at-home life and haven't had the chance to experiment recently.

Sorry pressed the wrong vote button 😳 you are not unreasonable.

Tell your mother not to set on other people's dreams. There are plenty of people willing to do that and your daughter needs support from her family.

She might have to accept you can't visit all of them with her.

DD travelled by herself and visited two. We took her to two ourselves. She was living in another county at the time and it wasn't practical to take her to her other three options, so she emailed and phoned these three unis with her questions, which was a great help and one was easily ruled out - unfortunately, the last two options were over 600 miles from home and I didn't want her being so far from home without being sure it was right for her, so I did relent and take her up there in the school holidays for a talk and walk and a good luck around (she'd emailed both unis beforehand and actually made appointments to speak to lecturers as well) - we were lucky that uni accommodation was available cheap to stay in, which gave her a feel of uni life).

Then she will love KCL (and would probably have really liked UCL!). It was basically like living in London with your friends, but your job was going to uni. We had a great time.

I always find it quite odd when people come on threads like this with anecdotes about when they went to university in the 80s or 90s, without any concept that lots of things have changed in the last 30 -40 years.
Presumably you haven't had any children that have gone to university, otherwise you would know that it is far more common for a young person to have a parent (sometimes two) with them, than not.

Bearing in mind most parents will have to at least partially finance their kids through university, it’s good that they can see where their kids will be going. At one of the open days DH did with DS there was a talk for parents (whilst students did a practical) about student welfare and how the university look out for their mental health.

I was going for interviews in 1975 (they didn't do open days in my day, you just applied and for some got invited to interview) and nobody I knew had a parent go with them - you got on the train, etc yourself. I turned up to one and in the waiting area was a girl with her Mum which I found astonishing at the time.

I know it's the thing now, however and 4 years ago I deputised for my brother and his wife (who because of work commitments couldn't do it) and took my niece to the Oxford open day; we stayed the night before in Keble and I was knocked out by it all but she preferred Birmingham!

So yes, I think she should visit a few, but I don't see why she needs you with her.

She absolutely doesn't need me to visit with her...she wants me to.

Her grandmother is unsupportive and argumentative. Her dad knows nothing about university life/applications and when asked replied 'I don't see much point in me going, it's your choice...'

She was very keen for me to accompany her and interested in my opinions, despite being very independent 99% of the time.

@VickyEadieofThigh DH wants to be a student again after doing open days with DS!

@VickyEadieofThigh DH wants to be a student again after doing open days with DS!
that’s exactly what I said too.