To visit multiple unis with DD before she does her UCAS application?

[MintyCedricRidesAgain]

So you can apply for 5 places...we're looking at 7.

4 are day trip distance, 3 are further afield and require an overnight stay in cheap hotel.

I want to be as supportive as I can of DD as that was something I didn't get at all from my own parents. It was completely out of my dad's frame of reference and my mum was actively against it.

I'm a single parent and not especially flush at the moment but this is really important to me and DD. It's 3-4 years of her life, huge student loans and a life changing experience. I want her to be confident in her decision and happy with the outcome.

My mum is constantly on my back about how OTT and indulgent I'm being and frankly it's driving me up the wall. Whilst it's none of her business and won't change my approach, AIBU?

Ds friends were all looking at near enough the same unis so planned to go together to visit them and even the ones they didnt have on their own list just to the trip. But they had all already made their minds up after the first 3 so didnt bother with the rest. They may have missed out on something but up to them 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think OTT

@MintyCedricRidesAgain def go if you can, we missed out due to Covid closing many of the open days so we were working blind as many others were. Only managed a couple as a result and daughter is now attending one without seeing it other than the outside!

She should visit, but I'd personally leave her to it.

I know parents often come these days, but she'll get to know it better without you, and it will be cheaper 😁 . Think of it as part of letting her go.

I took my dd to 1 uni and she went to her Auntie and she took her to another. She just looked at the others online.

I teach 6th form and find majority do go by themselves or with each other. A few with parents if further away. Visiting 7 though seems excessive to me. Also, depending on your income, get your DD to speak to school about financial support as some will provide funding for uni visits.

I used to organise university open days and we always fully expected parents to attend and would often put on specific events and talks for the parents.

In the olden days, parents didn't come on university visits. Mine drove me to them and then cleared off for the day. And seven is too many. I visited three and had another in reserve mentally.

I took my son to 7 open days

Manchester - first choice
Liverpool - third choice
Newcastle - second choice
Keele - discounted as campus
Surrey - discounted as no tutors for his subject were at the open day
Leicester - too close to home
Nottingham - too many of his A level class applied there

Parents were with their children at all of them. This was seven years ago. He found visiting them all allowed him to rule some out, as well as putting them in preference order.

As a parent I could tell which ones he really liked and I could point out things a 17 year old wouldn’t notice.

You sound lovely! Perhaps when you get to the unis you can get a coffee and she can explore some of it herself/go on the tours. So the best of both worlds.

if cost gets a bit much the offer holder days are good to focus on

I went to university in the early 00s - I went on my own to open days but TBF my parents didn't go to university and didn't really know much about it so wouldn't have been that helpful. I don't think I saw anyone with parents there.

But it sound

It's interesting to see how many people say their or their DCs choices changed after open days.

We have the big one next week...KCL which DD has her heart set on. She just wants to get that instant 'that's the one' feeling.

We've already done LSE (ruled out); Queen Mary's (probable yes but not one of her top choices 'on paper').

Cardiff in a couple of weeks and Bristol and Nottingham later in the year.

You are doing the right think OP!

I'd stop taking parenting advice from your mum - especially when it's crap advice!

When I was that age, my mum and I went to look at my top 3, and I tagged along with a friend and her dad to look at a 4th. There was never a question of not.

Saying that though, going to look at 7 seems extreme. Have you discussed this with DD? It may be that she hasn't even considered the cost implications of doing such things - I certainly never did at that age!

Would she consider something like I did? You take her to tour her top 3 or 4, but then see if there's any way to combine trips with friends/friends parents to see the "meh, maybes". Eg: You take her and 2 mates to see Southampton, if Amy's dad will return the favour and take them to see Liverpool? I'm sure she has a few preferences, even before seeing them - my friends and I certainly did.

Hi, it’s totally your choice and nothing to do with your mother.

7 is quite a lot but if you did want to narrow it down to 4 or 5 then check out some of the virtual tour options. Unibuddy is great too as real students are available to have a chat to answer her questions.

www.ucas.com/undergraduate/what-and-where-study/open-days-and-events/virtual-tours

my Dad took me to four open days (very late eighties) and I’m very glad he did. He didn’t interfere and left the choice totally to me but he was there to offer advice and throw in questions I hadn’t thought of.

I thought my first choice would be a large city university I’d been offered one of very few places at but when I got there, it didn’t ‘feel’ right. I opted for a smaller, seaside town Uni and the best time of my life. It was my 4th choice on paper…

best of luck to your daughter, such an exciting time x

@Mylittlepea it is really exciting. I don't mind admitting that I'm enjoying it all from a somewhat vicarious perspective, but DD has done her own research very thoroughly and I certainly won't be trying to influence her final decision.

She's actually very self sufficient and capable in general - is up and down to London on her own for various workshops and work experience opportunities, organises her own time with absolutwly no input whatsoever etc - so it's lovely that she wants me on board for this.

Really? I'm 33 and remember my dad giving me a lift to 1 open day, but didn't actually come in, but did the others by myself or with friends, also without their parents. Also only visited the close ones.

I think it's fair enough to visit a few and as you say can combine it with a nice day out together but 7 seems a bit excessive! It also seems a bit strange to think of unis before deciding on a course in my opinion as how each uni teachers that course and how well its ranked is surely fairly key!

My dd went to the Queen Mary open day and absolutely loved it, so it has unexpectedly jumped up to a much higher place on her list! KCL, on the other hand, got crossed off the list before she even made it to the open day!!

I think it's really helpful for them to have a look around and get a feel for a place. A few of dd's ideas have changed significantly - for better and for worse - as a result of visiting. The costs do mount up of course, especially where overnight stays are involved, but dd has said how grateful she is to be able to do it as she knows that some of her friends haven't had that opportunity.

We are doing the same thing visiting unis. You are absolutely not being unreasonable. It important to have as much information as possible, it's a Hugh investment and it's worth the effort..

I don't think it's excessive at all. It's incredibly supportive. You get 5 choices but if there are more than 5 she's interested in and you can have the opportunity to visit a couple more to narrow down her choices it is very sensible! I looked around 7 unis before submitting my UCAS and one of the ones I ruled out was a uni I was convinced was 'the one' but I hated it and it would have been a waste of an application

If I was choosing a new place to live and work for 3 years I wouldn’t go and look at places by myself, I’d take a friend or family member with me.

I went to 5 with dd. One of them, she walked through the town and campus and said “oh I want to come here”. She’s just finished her 2nd year.

Ds1 is in yr12, visited 2 so far. Dh did one and I did one. 3 more planned this year. If he doesn’t want to put those 5 down we’ll do some more visits in September.

I think it's a good idea. As others have said you will notice things your DD might not and it's good for her to have a sounding board.

It is true also that what looks perfect on paper may feel quite different in reality. The analogy with house buying is a good one. Universities are now competing for business and what looks lovely in the website can be quite different in the flesh.

Also definitely worth revisiting for offer holder days as these are more focused on the subject. DD changed her mind about her insurance choice as a result of offer holder days.
I enjoyed the visits with DD and look back fondly on the time together.

We’ve done this with our twins and it’s pretty good fun seeing the new world through their eyes. I found it get narrowed down pretty quickly when they decide what kind of uni they want to go to, city/town environment or campus

My parents didn’t go with me and my two sons also went on their own. They said it was better to go on your own as the lecturers chatted to them as individuals and they felt more able to discuss the places with the other applicants. They did OK, DS 1 went to Oxford and DS 2 Leeds.I have always sought to encourage independence.

It sounds like a lovely thing to do with your DD. I'm sure she'll tell you if she wants some space to look around by herself. Not long before you won't be seeing nearly as much of her and it will be a great memory to have.

Absolutely do the visits.

Ds had a shortlist of 8. Three of them were immediately discounted after visiting (one of them we happened to be on holiday in that city the week of the open day). Two of them he loved and another slightly wildcard option became a serious contender after the open day.

We ran out of time to visit the final two.