MIL always asking if I'm still breastfeeding

feedingababy · 2022-06-19T08:23:02+00:00

I found it difficult to feed my first and stopped after a few weeks. I felt terrible to stop. MIL knows this as I broke down in tears once about it. My second baby who's only 8 weeks has been a bit easier, but also difficult. I'm combination feeding. But the breastfeeding is definitely going down a lot now. Anyway, every time I see MIL she asks if I'm still breastfeeding and it's really upsetting me. I don't know how to say nicely to not ask about this ? Someone else has recently had a baby and came to visit and MIL asked if she was breastfeeding or had given up too. I know I'm sensitive about it. She knows I'm sensitive about it. MIL is a big breastfeeding fan and has made that very clear. How do I get her to stop asking about it every time ?

Original poster

feedingababy · 19/06/2022 09:24

One of these times she also told me I should continue as it will help me lose weight. Didn't make me feel great !

OP posts:

legaltigger · 19/06/2022 09:24

"Yes, stop asking"

ebri91 · 19/06/2022 09:27

Can you tell your husband how much its upsetting you and ask him to speak to his mum?

Shouldbedoing · 19/06/2022 09:28

Tell her to stop asking. Tell her you are upset to this day about the end of your first child's BF and she is not to distress you further. Breast feeding disappointment evokes a visceral response in me 15 years later. Tell her firmly to back off.

Original poster

feedingababy · 19/06/2022 09:28

ebri91 · 19/06/2022 09:27

Can you tell your husband how much its upsetting you and ask him to speak to his mum?

I did. But he clearly hasn't.

OP posts:

Original poster

feedingababy · 19/06/2022 09:29

Shouldbedoing · 19/06/2022 09:28

Tell her to stop asking. Tell her you are upset to this day about the end of your first child's BF and she is not to distress you further. Breast feeding disappointment evokes a visceral response in me 15 years later. Tell her firmly to back off.

I just don't see the need in asking people about it. Especially if you know they found it hard in the past.

No one in my family has ever asked me. They know it's hard for me and they don't want to upset me.

OP posts:

Shouldbedoing · 19/06/2022 09:30

Comments about weight.
Tell her to f off

Kallaxaddict · 19/06/2022 09:30

Can you text her. Was lovely to see you yesterday...can I ask you to stop asking about bf as its upsetting thanks...looking forward to seeing you next week....

SandyWedges · 19/06/2022 09:31

Kallaxaddict · 19/06/2022 09:30

Can you text her. Was lovely to see you yesterday...can I ask you to stop asking about bf as its upsetting thanks...looking forward to seeing you next week....

Yes this is a good idea

LockdownLisa · 19/06/2022 09:31

Shouldbedoing · 19/06/2022 09:28

Tell her to stop asking. Tell her you are upset to this day about the end of your first child's BF and she is not to distress you further. Breast feeding disappointment evokes a visceral response in me 15 years later. Tell her firmly to back off.

Me too.

OP, do just tell her to stop asking. Just a simple 'yes I am, could you please stop asking me that question?' should do it.

MistyRuins · 19/06/2022 09:32

'if anything changes that you need to know about, we will make sure to let you know'.

Babdoc · 19/06/2022 09:33

“No, MIL, I’ve switched to total bottle feeding, because I am so pissed off with you repeatedly asking me when you know it upsets me and I’ve told you not to.”
That should do it…..

Shouldbedoing · 19/06/2022 09:33

She needs telling. Perhaps by her son who can be more direct.
It is none of her business how your child is fed. People used wet nurses in the past because it is not easy for everyone. Before formula, babies starved

Original poster

feedingababy · 19/06/2022 09:34

I'm suffering from PND and it's not helping matters at all. In fact I think part of the reason I can barely bring myself to breastfeed anymore is because of this.

OP posts:

Feelingoktoday · 19/06/2022 09:35

feedingababy · 19/06/2022 09:28

I did. But he clearly hasn't.

Show quote history

Well tell him again and again. He needs to stand up and protect you.

PritiPatelsMaker · 19/06/2022 09:36

You're only 8 weeks PP and have every right to feel sensitive about this.

Tell your DH how much this is upsetting you and get him to ask firmly tell her to stop asking you.

ebri91 · 19/06/2022 09:37

Btw I just wanted to say that you have nothing to feel sad, guilty or disappointed about. Be proud of the feeds/days you breastfed with your first and with this baby. Every single feed is a success and something to be proud of. Try not to think about what you haven't managed and instead think about what you have managed to achieve. I know this does not help with your situation or with how you feel but you are doing awesome. 8 weeks is great!

SandyWedges · 19/06/2022 09:39

feedingababy · 19/06/2022 09:34

I'm suffering from PND and it's not helping matters at all. In fact I think part of the reason I can barely bring myself to breastfeed anymore is because of this.

Your DH needs to step up here in that case. He should have a serious chat with her and tell her to shut up about it.

BaronessBomburst · 19/06/2022 09:42

As an aside, breastfeeding doesn't always help you lose weight. I was starving and ate like a horse. I only lost the weight once I stopped.

SausageAndCash · 19/06/2022 09:47

“You know this is a difficult subject for me, and answering questions doesn’t help, so we’ll leave it there, thanks”.

Or just burst into tears, have a big waaah, screaming “I can’t cope with being asked about this all the time” and she might find her sensitivity and apologise or at least back off.

Then your DH needs to develop nerves of steel and tell her ‘seriously Mum, if you can’t keep it buttoned over how the baby is fed you need to stay away. Our baby is being fed, the pressure is not helping OPs PND’.

Original poster

feedingababy · 19/06/2022 09:49

SausageAndCash · 19/06/2022 09:47

“You know this is a difficult subject for me, and answering questions doesn’t help, so we’ll leave it there, thanks”.

Or just burst into tears, have a big waaah, screaming “I can’t cope with being asked about this all the time” and she might find her sensitivity and apologise or at least back off.

Then your DH needs to develop nerves of steel and tell her ‘seriously Mum, if you can’t keep it buttoned over how the baby is fed you need to stay away. Our baby is being fed, the pressure is not helping OPs PND’.

My SIL always asks as well.

So are you still BF ? How many times a day ? Etc eugh it makes me so upset.

They don't know I am suffering from PND. Not even sure my husband properly acknowledges it tbh.

OP posts:

GaladrielHiggins · 19/06/2022 09:49

You need to be blunt and say please stop asking. And if she doesn’t then just look at her blankly. She is being rude, she needs to know this.

Original poster

feedingababy · 19/06/2022 09:51

She also always has to ask about older DC 2 and a half and why she's not potty trained yet etc. and how that's going etc. honestly I hate it so much. All these questions about how I'm basically not doing a good job !

OP posts:

PritiPatelsMaker · 19/06/2022 09:52

She also always has to ask about older DC 2 and a half and why she's not potty trained yet etc. and how that's going etc. honestly I hate it so much. All these questions about how I'm basically not doing a good job !

Yes just be rude back. With this one day "I don't know, ask your Son, he's their parent too".

Hiddenvoice · 19/06/2022 09:53

I get this completely. Everyone seems to ask. I managed a week and it was all I could physically do. It’s bothered me and im upset I couldn’t do anymore but my dd is 9 weeks old and thriving on formula. The push for breastfeeding annoys me as no one fully knows what the mum is going through so there should be no judgement.
Next time she or SIL asks you say yes and that you won’t answer that question anymore as it really js none of their business!
Have you spoken to anyone about your pnd? Hope you’re okay!