Let down by my parents? AIBU to expect them to be there for me after first child.

[TheCluelessMum]

Want to know am I being hormonal/unreasonable or do I have a right to be pissed off.

I moved out my family home a few years ago? Since then my relationship with my parents has dramatically changed, I think my eyes have been opened to a few things.

More recently, at really the start of me being pissed off I wanted to know if I’m being over sensitive.

I recently had DD, 9 weeks prematurely… my daughter spent a week in the NICU. this was due to preeclampsia, and had I not given birth I would of likely had a stroke… but this is where my pissed-off ness starts.

1. my father didnt contact me for the entire

time me and my son were in hospital. When I’ve asked about why this was, the response was that my mum was speaking to me so he didn’t feel the need too.

1. When my DP told my parents we were having to have a c-section he asked for the information not to be shared as we didn’t know the condition of our child(due to premature) My mother ignored that and shared that information with my brother (who I have a very strained relationship with) when I asked why she did that, she advised that she couldn’t keep secrets with her son… (we would have told everyone, just a few hours later once we knew the situation.) and I didn’t understand how stressful it was for her…

Returning home from hospital we didn’t really hear much from my parents, and they kept repeating “we’ll come round when invited”. I kept asking them to come round but they would regularly say they were tired after work etc and would come round on the weekend. By the time my DD was 6 weeks old, they had met him 4 times. I was hurt.

We recently had family members over (to meet DD) where my mum said she wouldn’t of had children had she known how difficult the newborn stage was… this hurt me as she’d offered no support to me??? If she’d found it so hard, why wouldn’t she offer support.

they have a great relationship with brother and his children, but don’t seem bothered about mine. My father said the other week “oh I really miss brothers names kids… I wish they lived closer” whereas they have a grandchild (my dd) 3 miles from their home…

So after the last 11 weeks of me being disappointed I sat down to chat with them. I was hurt at the response (some as above).
But ultimately I asked what can we do to repair this relationship, to which my mother responded “I don’t think there’s an issue, if you do, then that’s something you need to work through on your own”

I do feel hurt and let down by my parents, I’ve just had my first child, in stressful circumstances and I don’t feel supported. I tried speaking to them and didn’t really get a response I expected.

Where do I go from here? Because I honestly feel like I am done with them. But they are my parents…

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee so sorry to hear you went through the same, but nice to know Im not alone!

@Aprilx you literally called me “exhausting” from reading one tiny aspect. How can you make an assumption of my personality from that tiny piece of information? I asked for advice if I was over thinking things? I didn’t need you to attack my personality by calling me exhausting. I think if you’re going to give your opinions, of which I asked for, you should really think about how to word things.

My spiky 'difficult' sister would characterise me as my parents' favourite which I don't think was true. They were far harder on me than on her. She had all kinds of privileges and freedoms that I didn't and none of the responsibilities that I, as the oldest, was expected to take on. But as I've outlined, she was always, from childhood, very sensitive and difficult to please, which meant that she was often in conflict with me, my parents and other family members and family friends. She'd say I was the favourite. I'd say that my parents tried really hard to treat us fairly and equally, but nothing my mum did, in particular, was good enough for her.

I'm so sorry for you and what you're experiencing. As the mum to four mostly grown children, I would never treat any of our kids/grandkids so horribly. You might have to cut ties with your parents, especially if they're going to treat your child with less love and affection. My husband's parents were horrible to our children and we couldn't allow them to be unsupervised with our kids. It's unfortunate when people don't have any regard for the legacy they're going to be leaving behind.