To say you can only manage with more than 2 kids of you're a SAHM?

[mamabeeboo]

I work full time and am the main earner in the family. DH and I are talking about our third child, and financially we could afford it. But my main question is the stress. I don't know anyone IRL who has more than 2 kids and wasn't a SAHM during the baby/child years. It just seems like it's too much work to raise 3 or more children with a full time job.

So just wanted to ask if you are out there, does it work? Is it chaos? Did you manage?

I can barely manage even 2 with my job! 3 would be out of my reach for sure. But SAHM would drive me mad too. So I guess 3 is never going to be on my to-do list!

The only people I know with three and two full time jobs have a nanny.

I didn't work for a couple of years after we had DC3. Didn't plan to give up work but once I went back after maternity leave it was too stressful for everyone but I did have very small age gaps.

Yanbu, it's the people with 4 kids that I couldn't ever understand. Just how.

I have 3 under 8 and work 2 nights a week with a fairly absent partner, I'm absolutely swamped with everything. No way I could manage full time!

I have 3 and I’m a stay at home mum. I guess it depends on the ages? Mine are 5, 3 and 1. I just couldn’t imagine being able to work as well right now. Maybe when they’re 3, 5, 7.

I’ve got 4, 2 who are now adults and 10 year old twins. I couldn’t have done it if they were all close in age so I’ve managed to work throughout. I know one family who have 7 children ranging from 4 - 17, neither of the parents work and their life is just chaos. But I know another family who have 7 and mum worked and still works as a teacher. Not sure what the dad works as though. I guess everyone’s different in what they can cope with.

We’ve got three kids and both work full time, using after school clubs. We can both WFH fairly often. It’s busy but not unmanageable. Some extra curricular stuff gets squeezed.

I have three, I worked 30 hours a week apart from maternity leave until this year, now we are both full time. Kids are 9,12,14

We had a cleaner for a while but not now. You lower your standards, teach the kids how to do their own bits and get on with it.

Im a sp to two and it was hard. A couple where the man pulls his weight could manage 2+

I have 3 and work full time, if you need to work full time for the money then you just have to, it's pretty exhausting though as you don't stop from school runs in the morning to after school clubs . Luckily I have a job where I can log in and out (wfh) otherwise I wouldn't be able to do it

I think the ages of the children are quite important. I have a teenager, a tween and a toddler so childcare costs are not as awful as if they were all under 5 for example.

It is very doable, but it can also be very stressful.

I have 3, work part time while husband works full time. I dont think I could manage full time without solid wrap around childcare. Even part time with 3 is so hard at times!

I think you would need to be a SAHM OP, yes. I have 3 with 2 year gaps between them and it's a lot. Also, it doesn't necessarily get easier when they start school - just different! There's no way I could have managed a job as well over the years.

We’ve both worked the whole way through - I had a year off with each. Financially painful in the pre-school period and I worked 30 hours a week until my youngest started school so we had a day a week together.

I have 3, I think after 2, unless you have an extremely well paid job the cost of childcare becomes radically disproportionate and it’s easier to be a SAHM

Next door have four under six, so all quite young and small age gaps, they both work fulltime and don’t have a nanny or au pair, just use nursery like lots of parents.

Yes, it does work, yes it was chaos and yes, we did manage. Three children in three years and yes, I am working full time in the legal world and it was hard and it still is hard at times but easier now. DH has always worked FT also in a demanding role. They are now teenagers and the eldest (18) is now having great fun driving around the 16 and 15 year old before she goes to university so the taxi years are slowly leaving us as well - thank god. They've all turned out really well and they're close and they help each other.

The only advise I would give is - don't sweat the small stuff, those years pass by so quick and they're only little for such a short amount of time. I never missed the big milestones eg school nativity play but quite often DH went to parents evenings on his own or I went on my own when DH was working overnight at the hospital. You have to be a person who learns to live with chaos; if you're the type of person who always wants their house spotless, don't do it.

The other good thing is that when its 3 of them and they're close in age, they don't really have friends over that much when they're little because they all play together and so you don't have to go to people's houses so much as you're exhausted from work.

Have spent thousands and thousands on childcare and cleaners over the years who have literally been sent by God (I am so grateful to them all who worked for us) as we worked FT but never bothered me; we just saw it as a means to an end.

Wouldn't change it for the world. Glad I had 3 DC - two girls and a boy. Those years were hard but worth it.

I have 4 kids ranging from 10 to 1 and I work 4 days a week, dh works full time. It’s very hard and very tiring and there are probably things I’m not doing well enough. But on the other hand, they have a lovely life and they are all happy.

I don’t have a nanny. I used a nursery and school for the older ones obviously. The school age kids do breakfast club and after school club everyday. School holidays are a juggle / struggle with a combination of annual leave, grandparents and holiday clubs.

Me and dh both have very flexible jobs in that we work hard but if we want to work in the evening to free up some time the following day to do a dr appointment or something we can easily juggle our diaries to fit those sorts of things in. We’re also a good team so that helps.

What?! My DH and I work full time and have 3 kids, no nanny! It's hectic and some stuff has to slide, the house isn't ever immaculate, but it's doable!

I have three and I work 25 hours a week. The key thing for me is that I’m term time only though. It would be much harder otherwise.

I have 4 kids and have always worked full time - it’s hard but worth it and we’re on the home straight now - two in ‘big school’ and two graduated!

We have three, planning one one more. Both of us work full time and use childcare. It's working out for us, which is great because I'm not cut out to be a SAHM.

That's probably true - he pulls his weight and does 50% of the childcare and house care (the mental load is another story) which is probably why 3+ doesn't seem hard to me.

Full on full time job, DH equally busy with irregular hours. We manage but it’s more chaotic than many families (not helped by me and DH both being quite disorganised people) and probably not as “perfect” as some. We have a nanny and a cleaner - would be difficult if you didn’t have either money or helpful family (we have none of the latter nearby). I am senior so have some flexibility as does DH so we manage just about, we definitely aren’t one of those families that never see the kids (nanny only works 9-5 for a start).