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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour telling me to slow down

137 replies

SurfBox · 17/06/2022 16:42

I live in an estate and today I was driving in to my driver and getting out of my car. My neighbour from about 6 houses up shouts at me ''can you drive slower?''

I had no idea I was driving fast as I go at the same speed everybody else does driving in. But I'd have no bother if somebody asked me politely and privately but she yelled it over 6 walls with other neighbours out about their business sitting watching.

AIBU to think she was rude and if you have a problem approach the neighbour face to face and not shout over a wall for all to see?

OP posts:
orbitalcrisis · 17/06/2022 17:23

She's probably a bit ratty as it's hot today. You should be checking your speedometer regularly though, especially in built up areas. Matching other driver's speeds is never a good idea. Did she tell at them too or did she single you out?

HangOnToYourself · 17/06/2022 17:25

If you have no idea what speed.you were going then chances are you were going too fast. If you cant even gauge your speed how can you possible say you go at the same speed as everyone else. Check the speed limit and stick within it and you womt have any problems.

TheOriginalClownfish · 17/06/2022 17:25

YABU if you don't even know the speed your were going at.

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/06/2022 17:26

CrunchyCarrot · 17/06/2022 16:59

Do you think she was maybe being sarcastic, and meant you were driving overly slowly? Even so, weird thing to shout out!

That was my first thought too. Is she the type to think she's being 'clever' shouting that?

5zeds · 17/06/2022 17:26

Bloody rude. My neighbour told my dh to “tell your wife to drive slower” the week we moved in a couple of decades ago. I’ve never felt the need to speak to her. Some people are just randomly rude.

itsgettingweird · 17/06/2022 17:27

icelolly12 · 17/06/2022 17:21

No wonder there's so many neighbour issue threads on here if everybody's shouting at each other over any misdemeanour

I'm amazed at how many Mners know the OP must of been speeding because her neighbour decided she was!

I think if she genuinely felt you were driving too fast she could have approached you personally.

I live in a one way in and out street. People travel down it at 30 mph. Allowed. But looks too fast and I feel 20 is too fast because there's a park and lots of children.

LadyApplejack · 17/06/2022 17:28

Yeah she was totally rude. Who is she to police others' driving! A polite word would have been the neighborly thing.
You might want to keep an eye on your speed though.

StoneofDestiny · 17/06/2022 17:30

Neighbour sounds like a loudmouth head case!

SirChenjins · 17/06/2022 17:33

Good for her. People who don't know how fast they're driving are and who elicit that reaction from a neighbour (and it appears the other neighbours didn't tell her to shut up and stop over-reacting) are usually not driving slowly.

Anyway, main thing is now you'll be more aware of your speed and slow down.

Sortilege · 17/06/2022 17:34

If you don't have a rough idea of what speed you drive it at, and someone felt strongly enough to shout at you over it, then odds are you're driving faster than you think.

This.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 17/06/2022 17:34

SurfBox · 17/06/2022 16:51

My question though was how she confronted me wrong and abrasive.

No.

TooMuchToblerone · 17/06/2022 17:38

If any neighbour feels they need to ask you to slow down you're probably going too fast. It's not just about kids playing outside, it's about cats for example. It worries me when one of our neighbours zooms into her drive as I have a dozey rescue cat who like to play chicken with cars.

OhmygodDont · 17/06/2022 17:39

Most pedestrians even ones who do drive can’t actually tell how fast a car is going. Lots of cars look fast when they are only doing 30mph that is allowed.

she was rude to shout over several gardens. If she had a genuine concern she could of come and talked like a normal person.

TooHotTooGreedy · 17/06/2022 17:41

Yelled or was it that she actually called over for you to slow down?

oopsfellover · 17/06/2022 17:42

Ignore her?

StaunchMomma · 17/06/2022 17:43

SurfBox · 17/06/2022 16:51

My question though was how she confronted me wrong and abrasive.

Can't really answer your question without knowing if you were speeding, though?

GCRich · 17/06/2022 17:43

HangOnToYourself · 17/06/2022 17:25

If you have no idea what speed.you were going then chances are you were going too fast. If you cant even gauge your speed how can you possible say you go at the same speed as everyone else. Check the speed limit and stick within it and you womt have any problems.

Not true. There are plenty of residential roads full of parked cars that are 30 mph limit and are suitable for 15-20 driving (and slower if the kids are out playing).

tttigress · 17/06/2022 17:45

Erm, maybe you were actually going too fast for the road?

WilsonMilson · 17/06/2022 17:45

How rude she was or was not really depends on how fast you were driving, so how on earth can we judge whether she was rude or not?

GCRich · 17/06/2022 17:46

OhmygodDont · 17/06/2022 17:39

Most pedestrians even ones who do drive can’t actually tell how fast a car is going. Lots of cars look fast when they are only doing 30mph that is allowed.

she was rude to shout over several gardens. If she had a genuine concern she could of come and talked like a normal person.

I am pretty sure that the maximum speed that you are allowed to do in a 30 is the fastest safe speed for the conditions, up to a maximum of 30.

You are right that shouting over several gardens is anti-social, but driving too fast is much worse!

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 17/06/2022 17:47

SurfBox · 17/06/2022 16:52

I don;t know exactly my speed but it's a 800l fiat scent so it's not a BMW.

You must have an idea of your speed.

Psychonabike · 17/06/2022 17:50

Try and think about the sequence of events:

You drive into the cul de sac, too fast for your neighbours liking.
They are alarmed by your driving and react with alarm/annoyance.
You get angry at them for reacting.

Bit victim-blamey isn't it?

People who are driving slowly and carefully for the conditions usually have a better idea of their speed.

JuneJubilee · 17/06/2022 17:50

CrunchyCarrot · 17/06/2022 16:59

Do you think she was maybe being sarcastic, and meant you were driving overly slowly? Even so, weird thing to shout out!

She probably wasn't being sarcastic. Lucky you if you don't live/work on an Estate which drivers treat as a fucking race track.

OhmygodDont · 17/06/2022 17:51

GCRich · 17/06/2022 17:46

I am pretty sure that the maximum speed that you are allowed to do in a 30 is the fastest safe speed for the conditions, up to a maximum of 30.

You are right that shouting over several gardens is anti-social, but driving too fast is much worse!

Show quote history

True but that’s for the op or the law to decide if her driving was too fast even if under the limit.

An empty straight road that doesn’t have children playing on it, good weather conditions so no issue with stopping distances etc 30mph would be fine. An icy road that’s curve after curve clearly not safe.

Jumpking · 17/06/2022 17:52

I was probably going too fast for the driver in front of me today.

They were travelling at 15mph on a 40mph road.

Be more aware of your speed @SurfBox and then make a judgement call if you're too fast or not.

Yelling at you like that in front of others for some things is ok, not for everything though. If you were going too fast, then the yell was perfectly appropriate. If not, then it wasn't.

No way an internet forum who weren't there can call it.

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