AIBU to lose my sh*t at these cheeky f*ckers?

[StitchInLime]

So we decided to give some toys away for free to a woman who posted on local Facebook page saying she is struggling with money as a single mum of twins (boy and girl) and was worried about their upcoming 7th birthdays. She was delighted, said they’d make ideal presents and was super grateful. My only stipulation was she comes to collect them herself.

So last night she turned up… with another couple. Fine, they have a van so makes sense (quite bulky toys: Barbie dollhouse, Avengers plane etc). But then the other woman in the couple starts asking me if I’m giving any other toys away for free, or even kids clothes, as their kids could do with some stuff too. I was a bit 😒 but just sort of smiled and said no. But then (and honestly can’t even believe this happened as I type this) the (quite big) dude actually walks through into the play area we’ve set up in conservatory and starts going through the other toys. Toys we’re keeping! When I asked what he was doing, he said he was just seeing what other toys they could take, like I hadn’t just made it clear only the stuff in the hallway was to be taken.

So obviously lost my shit a bit and told him we weren’t Toy R Us and he was like ‘alright, calm down love’ while his wife / GF gave me a right look and I swear I heard her say ‘stupid bitch’ under her breath. The original woman we were helping did look super embarrassed, to be fair to her.

They stormed past me and start loading the toys up, giving me filthy looks as they did and I just wanted them out of the house as honestly felt a little threatened by then and hubby was at footie (kids were playing upstairs thankfully). But then they realised they can’t fit the mega dollhouse in so ask to come back the next day. I say not possible as I’m out, and the dude said ‘well that’s the only time we can do it’ and that was it, I was done with these CFs so I just said ‘dollhouse withdrawn from offer then’ and closed the door on them. They actually knocked a few times then eventually left.

But now I’m feeling all sorts of guilt. I did email the woman to explain how I felt about it all, but if she has other people who can help her get the dollhouse then she can still have it but she has left me on read. AIBU for withdrawing the dollhouse? She did get an Avengers plane and easel plus some other bits for free. I just couldn’t deal with the idea of those CF turning up again!

They will probably sell them opportunists unfortunately. People take the piss I've had free stuff up and people have even asked me to deliver it as well

YABU to feel any guilt at all!

WTF did she need another couple with her for?

Ideally you would have made them all leave with nothing!

And I’m never going to give stuff away for free on Facebook again! Sad as twin mum was genuine (I really think she was) but was let down by these CFs. Next time, charity shop!

If you don't want to use charity shops (can be a right faff getting stuff there during opening times) the best thing to do is advertise stuff for sale with a token price. When the person turns up you can always waive the cost, but it really does cut down on time wasters. People don't value anything that's free.

Why on earth did you tell them you'd be out tomorrow? Never let random strangers know that your house will be empty! Leave DH at home tomorrow in case

Sounds like you handled it well. Not sure if I’d even have bothered emailing the woman.

We have a brilliant exchange Facebook- you swap something if you want to. Stops the grabbers but always the issue of people selling things on which is not in the spirit of it. I’ve got rid of a working oven to someone really grateful, a caravan step, vacuum etc all things we didn’t need and had things like my sons fisher price car - I swapped for some snacks and lady was delighted and my sons spent hours in that car

Charity shops near me have a "list" of stuff they are prepared to take, would you believe - so I don't bother anymore and what doesn't go on eBay goes straight down to the tip.

Aaaaaw come on OP, you obviously didn’t learn anything from that experience. YABU for texting the woman again after what happened, she must’ve known what they were like.

Some people are truly unbelievable. As PP, we too were horrified when we did our first car boot sale; the vultures hoping to blindside you and deliberately make you flustered whilst you're getting your bearings and take your stuff for a ridiculously low amount (if they bother paying at all). They will also see anything in your car as 'available' - even CDs in the front or a child seat that is secured in position in the back!

I think it might be that, because these kind of people would never give anything away that they could sell, they misinterpret your kindness and assume that you must either be very stupid or so rich that anything can be instantly replaced. Alternatively, they will eye you suspiciously as they take the items, instead of saying a pleasant 'thank you' like a normal person, because they assume that you must be trying to offload rubbish on to somebody else - because that's the only time they would ever contemplate offering something free.

Make sure you are fully on it with home security. You may well be burgled in a few weeks.

I think this is rather over-dramatic, though. Yes, I can see why they tried to fill their boots when they were allowed over the threshold before; but if they are actual burglars and they're planning a break-in from scratch, why would they prioritise OP over anybody else? I suppose they know the internal layout now and might have looked for weak entry spots, but however nice they are, are used toys really top of a burglar's wish list - and will OP have particularly more or significantly better toys than any of the other millions of households with children?

If you were planning a burglary, would you not look in affluent areas and find the house with the brand new luxury cars on the drive - not just think "That woman from Facebook had some old toys, so she must be our best bet for rich pickings"?

You help people, it comes back to bite you on the arse. They so often take advantage, or think that once you've helped them once it puts you under obligation to continue doing so.

I'm done with it. There's much truth in that old saying 'no good deed goes unpunished. After personally experiencing a number of incidents not dissimilar to this (and various others posted from time to time on MN), I feel pretty much through with helping people ever again.

I'd mean what you said about the dolls' house in the first instance, OP. She inflicted these awful friends of hers on you - fair enough, she couldn't have known what would happen - where she loses me is that she didn't even challenge their atrocious behaviour. Make her feel the consequences of that - in any case you shouldn't have to beg anyone to allow you to do them a favour!

Not sure if anyone else has said this (haven't read full thread)

But if you can change your plans to be in when you told this chap you'd be out. Or make sure someone is in.

There's a high chance you might find yourself broken into if you are out when you said you'd be.

You have no idea though if they were using it as an opportunity to size things up. Whilst you were distracted arguing over toys in conservatory other ones could have been seeing where you kept your car keys/bag or valuables in lounge. Plus they know there’s no dog. Chance go see if you have alarm etc.

I honestly wonder where these creatures on Facebook marketplace crawl out from, some of them appear to be permanently on there ready claim anything that's free. I've given up giving stuff away as the behaviour is so disgusting and entitled. It's a shame as there people out there who could genuinely need the help who miss out because of these scum bags. It's nearly always claimed in order to sell on unfortunately, despite the usual sob stories. And there's always a child in hospital or car trouble as an explanation for when they decide not to turn up to collect.

You were so kind and thoughtful and that other couple sound horrible and so forceful the cheek of them to walk into your house and to start going through the toys. Shocking behaviour. You have done the right thing, with some people you give an inch and they take a mile. Shocked at them to be honest and try not to overthink as you have been very kind but those kind of people just expect more and more and with no thanks at all.

True say.

Had the same experience with a bed, a woman and her dad came to see it, he really scoped the house out and spotted a television “ if you throw that in she’ll have them both, is that wardrobe spare as well”
I told them I’d changed my mind and the bed wasn’t for sale and the door is that way.
He still tried it on as I was closing the doir
I ended up giving the bed to my daughter friend after her marriage broke down.

My first thought. Absolutely disgusting behaviour, I'd feel threatened and violated to be honest.
This is exactly why I always make sure someone else is in when dealing with local collections. You never know who's turning up.
I hope it doesn't put you off being so kind to someone else, but i wouldn't blame you if it did.

YANBU, I'd get myself a large drink and try to laugh about the cheek of them

They are definitely selling them.

Please don't feel guilty at all! You were trying to help someone out and some other people took advantage of your kindness. It defo sounds like the second couple were planning on selling stuff on though!!

Haaaaa...'Toys 'r us'. Genius!

I posted a LOL dolls house for free on an ad site and was inundated with people who wanted it. I agreed with a woman that she could have it and then she asked me if I could deliver it too. I said no but agreed to meet her to hand it over. She kept me waiting almost an hour and her granddaughter didn’t even say thanks. It left such a bad taste in my gift horse shaped mouth!

This is why I stopped selling stuff or even giving stuff away.

Block everyone and in future donate to the local crèche, school or nursery and don’t let anyone call up to your home again. You were being very generous to help out the lady with the twins but the other couple found like free loaders. No wonder you exploded they were being very cheeky indeed. let us know how it goes.

You tried to do a good thing and did some basic checks. Some other people tried to take advantage. Ignore it and move on and keep doing good things, don't let the bad spread x

Please don’t do that again. Anything could have happened

Check your local pages for the stuff you gave away. You will find it there for sale.

If you want to give away toys in future, donate to your nearest women's shelter.