AIBU to lose my sh*t at these cheeky f*ckers?

[StitchInLime]

So we decided to give some toys away for free to a woman who posted on local Facebook page saying she is struggling with money as a single mum of twins (boy and girl) and was worried about their upcoming 7th birthdays. She was delighted, said they’d make ideal presents and was super grateful. My only stipulation was she comes to collect them herself.

So last night she turned up… with another couple. Fine, they have a van so makes sense (quite bulky toys: Barbie dollhouse, Avengers plane etc). But then the other woman in the couple starts asking me if I’m giving any other toys away for free, or even kids clothes, as their kids could do with some stuff too. I was a bit 😒 but just sort of smiled and said no. But then (and honestly can’t even believe this happened as I type this) the (quite big) dude actually walks through into the play area we’ve set up in conservatory and starts going through the other toys. Toys we’re keeping! When I asked what he was doing, he said he was just seeing what other toys they could take, like I hadn’t just made it clear only the stuff in the hallway was to be taken.

So obviously lost my shit a bit and told him we weren’t Toy R Us and he was like ‘alright, calm down love’ while his wife / GF gave me a right look and I swear I heard her say ‘stupid bitch’ under her breath. The original woman we were helping did look super embarrassed, to be fair to her.

They stormed past me and start loading the toys up, giving me filthy looks as they did and I just wanted them out of the house as honestly felt a little threatened by then and hubby was at footie (kids were playing upstairs thankfully). But then they realised they can’t fit the mega dollhouse in so ask to come back the next day. I say not possible as I’m out, and the dude said ‘well that’s the only time we can do it’ and that was it, I was done with these CFs so I just said ‘dollhouse withdrawn from offer then’ and closed the door on them. They actually knocked a few times then eventually left.

But now I’m feeling all sorts of guilt. I did email the woman to explain how I felt about it all, but if she has other people who can help her get the dollhouse then she can still have it but she has left me on read. AIBU for withdrawing the dollhouse? She did get an Avengers plane and easel plus some other bits for free. I just couldn’t deal with the idea of those CF turning up again!

omg thats appalling!!! Its just basic manners!

This. From their behaviour, it doesn't sound like they wanted the toys for the reason they claimed.

I occasionally use a recycling website to give away items that are too big to take to the charity shop, but deal with the handover by leaving them outside the front door.

No way, when they started to be CF I would have said you aren’t taking anything. What ever wasn’t loaded I would have kept and just given to the charity shop.

Dont feel guilty for one second!

YANBU. Several posts on my local community FB page about the same people grabbing all the free kids' stuff....and then selling on.

Can you avoid being out today?

I'd be messaging the mutual friend to ensure that the lady in need actually got the toys, and also to pass on what happened!

I gave some of dds toys away a few years ago and had a similar experience. There were toys in the hall at the bottom of the stairs and the guy tried to force his way past me whilst saying ‘I’ll take this too’.
I was quicker than him and blocked his path but that was probably the last time I bothered and everything else went down the charity shop.

You most certainly were NOT unreasonable.

I never put stuff on Freecycle or Facebook etc. I always take stuff to charity. It will be sold cheaply so the purchaser gets a bargain and the charity gets much needed funds. Win/win in my view.

To be fair, many years ago, I'd just finished studying and moved to London wiht two small kids to start a new job. We'd moved from furnished student accommodation to renting a 3 bed unfurnished house and had very little money having been a student and just started a job and DH also having to find a new job.
We basically almost completely furnished the house through freecycle which was amazing (and SO much better environmentally which is really the purpose of Freecycle, it's not charity). We hired a white van for the weekend and DH and my brother drove all over London picking up stuff for the house. I do hope it wasn't me you had spoken too as DH and my DB are both big blokes 😂
Basically to say that it shouldn't put you off freecycling - even if you're giving the stuff to chancers, still better than throwing it into landfill!

Cheeky fuckers.
You are so not being unreasonable.
The first couple 'd give the benefit of the doubt as they could have just needed the help from cheeky fuckers to carry the stuff, but the 2nd lot going through your stuff there's no words for!

But now I’m feeling all sorts of guilt

What on earth for??

You should have chucked the lot of them out of your house and given them nothing. And called the police if they entered your property eithout permission or made threats

Complete cheeky feckers!! I have got a wooden baby crib for free off FB Market place to up cycle. The lady meet me in her garage (under her flat) I can't imagine looking around saying oh yes I'll take that too. She told me she was off to the beach that day with her son and I gave her €20 for an ice cream I had planned on giving her the token anyway.

Only telling this story so some ppl aren't completely put off giving away for free. It's a great way to avoid landfill.

Although I've learnt some tips on here, I plan on giving away what ever is still usable after my baby is finished with it, I will make sure to have my DH here and I have the items to go outside the door!

Oh my Lordy. This is on par with Mexican house for cheekiness.

I think her ‘friends’ took advantage of the situation

Very possibly they did, but then it was up to the "original" woman to rein them in, or at least apologise to you afterwards
Personally I'd have asked them all to leave as soon as the CFery started (and have)

There’s something about things being free that brings out the worst in people in terms of entitlement. Think free stuff on Facebook, the NHS etc.

I’m not joking either. A dentist friend of mine said she got respect when she charged, but didn’t otherwise. She had tried some pro bono dentistry and said it was a dogs breakfast of missed appointments, unreasonable requests and zero gratitude.

I've used Freecycle and Freegle for years and never met anyone but polite people. I get the odd rude or pushy message but you can weed those out.

As with anything, some people are dicks but most people are decent human beings.

Freegle is much smoother because you can up or down vote users. As soon as someone has a few downvotes you know they are to be avoided.

You've just learned a lesson here, nothing for you to feel guilty about etc.

Never fall for a social media sob story unless you know the person in real life. On this occasion you have been scammed, these toys will be sold on at car boots or similar.

If you ever have any toys to give away, clothes etc, give them to the local toddler group or contact the local church -they will know legitimate people in need or reputable charities that will come and collect.

If you offer free items in future you need to operate a door step pick up policy.
There are cf's everywhere but in this case you allowed them to gain access to your home while your children were upstairs. If they had become really abusive it would have led to a potentially dangerous and distressing situation.Its also an opportunity for people to check out your home and the three person scenario with one veering off to check out the rest of your house is very commonly used by distraction burglars.
You tried to do a good thing and it reminds me of the old saying that no good deed is ever left unpunished.

True. I’m a lawyer and when I used to get legally aided clients sprung from custody they never thanked me, often rude. Paying clients much pleasanter to deal with

I don’t see the problem with people selling stuff on. I give it away because I can’t be arsed selling it. For me the perk is someone coming to my house to take unwanted stuff away. What they do after that is irrelevant - enjoy the item, enjoy the money from their efforts selling the item, make a shrine out of it - I no longer own it, not for me to decide.

If you want to make money, sell it yourself. Otherwise don’t feel bad, you wanted stuff gone, it’s gone (though I would’ve snatched the doll house back too because he was being a total arsehole. Good for you).

I have heard too many CF stories like this that when I had a massive clear out a few months ago everything got donated to charity shops, a charity directly that a family member works for and friends and family themselves.

Would never want random strangers coming into my home to pick up stuff for all the reasons mentioned here: them being CF and safety

You shouldn’t feel any guilt whatsoever OP

They were looking for valuables to swipe or come back for. You were very lucky you got them out of your house safely.

I can't believe someone voted that the OP is unreasonable!! * *