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Original poster

Help me unfuck this! Child in hospital, long haul trip home tomorrow

357 replies

ElfinsMum · 16/06/2022 17:32

Posting for traffic:

We are in Australia. First trip home in 2.5 years booked for tomorrow. 4 week trip timed with Aus winter school hols. SIL and her kids also flying into UK so we can all celebrate PILs' 50th.

Youngest DD (2) admitted to hospital today unexpectedly. She can't fly for at least a week, maybe 10 days. Docs won't know for sure for another couple of days depending how the treatment goes.

DS is utterly gutted and has been bawling his eyes out all evening and demanding that DH takes him tomorrow anyway. DD1 suffers some separation anxiety and called me earlier to say she would be too anxious to go without me and the baby.

What the hell do we do?

DH wants to head off tomorrow as planned with older DCs. He thinks it's fine to leave me in hospital with the toddler and then us come across later when she is allowed to fly. I think that's easy to say when you're not the one being left literally holding the baby in hospital!! Also, I couldn't leave my ill child like that, just couldn't. Bothers me that it turns out he could.

I want to reschedule all our flights to 10 days later to be certain and reorganise holiday, i.e. still 4 weeks but later. DH says that's impractical and that everything is now planned and booked around these dates. In particular we will miss his sister and family. He is angry at me that I am willing to sacrifice seeing his family.

We have also discussed a compromise option, where DH and older kids wait until we are out of hospital to go then we follow later.

What other options are there? How do we decide??

OP posts:
PaddleBoardingMomma · 16/06/2022 20:24

DH is 100% correct, I know it's not ideal but it's been years since he has seen his family, he knows your daughter is safe and completely ok in your capable hands and you can join him a little later on. I'm sure you're incredibly stressed (who wouldn't be with a LO in hosp) and most likely knackered, but you need to try and put your logical brain into action for a minute and I'm sure you'll be able to see why his plan makes sense.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 16/06/2022 20:26

I think your plan is a better compromise. He stays until LO is out of hospital. That way you're not dealing with hospital alone and then you mind her until she's got to fly. Also allows for any unforeseen complications.

PolishedCrown · 16/06/2022 20:28

No one can state one way is right and one way is wrong. That’s ridiculous. It’s an opinion and some people would do one thing and some another.

Midlifemusings · 16/06/2022 20:29

Definitely go with DH's plan. Neither of you will have it easy - he will have two kids alone on a long haul flight and in airports and dealing with jet lag and you will have a couple nights on your own in hospital.

Then fly as soon as you can. It sounds like it could be earlier than the ten days so you might not eve miss 10 days of the holidays.

LesGiselle · 16/06/2022 20:31

If my partner did it, he wouldn’t be the person I thought he was so we’d have a problem

If my DH insisted on pointlessly staying by the side of a poorly-but recovering, not-very-ill LO, at the cost of the other DC's holidays, and the enormous disruption and disappointment of all the rest of the family, he wouldn't be the person I thought he was.

HIs presence would make no difference whatsoever to the LO's recovery, but it would ruin the entire thing for the other DC. I'd expect more common sense and weight-shifting from my DH.

The DH here is acting with love and practicality. The implication that he doesn't 'care enough' is inappropriate.

WeAllHaveWings · 16/06/2022 20:34

As your dd is not seriously ill I would agree his solution sounds the best.

WeAllHaveWings · 16/06/2022 20:35

WeAllHaveWings · 16/06/2022 20:34

As your dd is not seriously ill I would agree his solution sounds the best.

Or the least worst solution...

Frazzled2207 · 16/06/2022 20:35

There’s no ideal solution here but yeah send dh with older kids and you and your youngest follow when ready.
i can totally see why it would bother you than he’s fine to leave you and the baby however it’s a tough situation and he’s being pragmatic
hope she’s better soon and You Dan follow in a few days
hope insurance and/or airline helps you reschedule the tickets

WilsonMilson · 16/06/2022 20:35

Your dh has the most sensible option here. Let them go first and follow in 10 days, that’s the least stress and keeps most people happy. I think you’re being ridiculous to suggest that your dh should stay given that it’s not a serious or life threatening issue.

EvilPea · 16/06/2022 20:37

It’s the best thing.
still shit. But the best thing.
the kids are occupied and out the way and you can just concentrate on dd

its still shit. But the best given the circumstances

hope she gets better soon

PolkaDotMankini · 16/06/2022 20:37

I'd send DH with the other two. It would be very unfair to keep him from seeing his sister when such opportunities are few and far between and it's impractical to keep the other children with you.

Best wishes for your DD's speedy recovery.

WastingHours · 16/06/2022 20:40

LesGiselle · 16/06/2022 20:31

If my partner did it, he wouldn’t be the person I thought he was so we’d have a problem

If my DH insisted on pointlessly staying by the side of a poorly-but recovering, not-very-ill LO, at the cost of the other DC's holidays, and the enormous disruption and disappointment of all the rest of the family, he wouldn't be the person I thought he was.

HIs presence would make no difference whatsoever to the LO's recovery, but it would ruin the entire thing for the other DC. I'd expect more common sense and weight-shifting from my DH.

The DH here is acting with love and practicality. The implication that he doesn't 'care enough' is inappropriate.

It’s not pointless though. I would never think staying with my ill child is pointless.

Midlifemusings · 16/06/2022 20:42

PolkaDotMankini · 16/06/2022 20:37

I'd send DH with the other two. It would be very unfair to keep him from seeing his sister when such opportunities are few and far between and it's impractical to keep the other children with you.

Best wishes for your DD's speedy recovery.

And it isn't just seeing his sister and his ids seeing their cousins but also his parents 50th wedding celebration. Could mean a lot more family around as well and there is an event.

olympicsrock · 16/06/2022 20:45

#team DH I’m afraid

LesGiselle · 16/06/2022 20:49

It’s not pointless though. I would never think staying with my ill child is pointless

This is deliberately obtuse and insisting on missing the context.

I'd be relieved to have a DH who had the common sense and kindness to scoop up the rest of his family and put them first, rather than drop all other responsibilities, frankly.

confusedlots · 16/06/2022 20:50

It very much depends what is wrong with your child in hospital. If it was a case of something like tonsillitis needing a few days IV antibiotics and rest and then they should be fine then I'd let the others go and you follow later. Something more serious where you're not sure how well or how long it will take to recover then I'd maybe want them to stay with you, to be able to provide some support

WastingHours · 16/06/2022 20:54

Midlifemusings · 16/06/2022 20:42

And it isn't just seeing his sister and his ids seeing their cousins but also his parents 50th wedding celebration. Could mean a lot more family around as well and there is an event.

Show quote history

Would everyone’s family be ok with their son/brother leaving their child in this situation? My partners family would tell him to stay with his child and me and give him a lecture if he even thought of getting on the plane without us.

WastingHours · 16/06/2022 20:57

Hashtags. Fucking helol. OPs child is sick, she’s in a crap situation and people are doing hashtags. 🤦🏻‍♀️

NumberTheory · 16/06/2022 20:59

WastingHours · 16/06/2022 20:54

Would everyone’s family be ok with their son/brother leaving their child in this situation? My partners family would tell him to stay with his child and me and give him a lecture if he even thought of getting on the plane without us.

Show quote history

My parents would assume my DH and I could make our own minds up about what's best for our children and ourselves.

I'd be furious if my MiL tried to make DH and the kids stay behind in this situation (or tried to make them to come if we had decided otherwise). Thankfully, she isn't controlling.

StinkyWizzleteets · 16/06/2022 21:01

I guess it depends on the definition of not very serious.

They don’t keep toddlers in hospital for shits & giggles and they don’t stop kids from flying because of antibiotics. It’s serious enough to require hospital treatment. The child may not be at deaths door or in a cancer ward that doesn’t mean they’re not unwell & OP hasn’t clarified.

I think it would change my relationship with my partner if he went off on holiday (or to visit his parents) while one of our kids was in hospital.

i haven’t rtft but who is going to be getting food for the mother while the child is in hospital? If it’s anything like our local hospital parents don’t get fed other than a slice of soggy toast in the morning and can’t have hot drinks and for very young children they can’t leave them unattended to pick something up. That’s a lot of time sitting in a hospital room with a child going hungry and not getting a full nights sleep due to obs. I’d want my partner to share the burden and then everyone could go together in 10 days.

Cornishclio · 16/06/2022 21:02

It is not ideal but I guess even if they stayed only one of you would be with your DD2 in hospital although you don’t say the ages of the other 2. Providing your DD is not seriously ill I see no point in you all staying and probably insurance won’t cover all the flights anyway so your husbands suggestion seems the least worst.

WastingHours · 16/06/2022 21:04

NumberTheory · 16/06/2022 20:59

My parents would assume my DH and I could make our own minds up about what's best for our children and ourselves.

I'd be furious if my MiL tried to make DH and the kids stay behind in this situation (or tried to make them to come if we had decided otherwise). Thankfully, she isn't controlling.

Show quote history

It’s not controlling. They would do it to take the pressure off of him feeling he had to go. And they know our children would have wanted daddy.

HikingforScenery · 16/06/2022 21:06

I’m with DH.
Your DD1 should go too, if she can manage at all so you don’t have to look out for her physically too.

godmum56 · 16/06/2022 21:07

Sorry but my vote is with team DH. He picks up all the care for the family and you get to focus on the one child who needs you. He sounds like a bit of a star to me.

NumberTheory · 16/06/2022 21:10

It’s not controlling. They would do it to take the pressure off of him feeling he had to go. And they know our children would have wanted daddy.

If they were giving him a lecture it's putting pressure on, not taking it off. And it's pushing their perspective (that he should stay) as the "right" perspective, which is controlling. Not being controlling would be to say something like - "We totally understand if you want to stay, son. We can see you some other time. Do whatever works for you all."