Help me unfuck this! Child in hospital, long haul trip home tomorrow

[ElfinsMum]

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We are in Australia. First trip home in 2.5 years booked for tomorrow. 4 week trip timed with Aus winter school hols. SIL and her kids also flying into UK so we can all celebrate PILs' 50th.

Youngest DD (2) admitted to hospital today unexpectedly. She can't fly for at least a week, maybe 10 days. Docs won't know for sure for another couple of days depending how the treatment goes.

DS is utterly gutted and has been bawling his eyes out all evening and demanding that DH takes him tomorrow anyway. DD1 suffers some separation anxiety and called me earlier to say she would be too anxious to go without me and the baby.

What the hell do we do?

DH wants to head off tomorrow as planned with older DCs. He thinks it's fine to leave me in hospital with the toddler and then us come across later when she is allowed to fly. I think that's easy to say when you're not the one being left literally holding the baby in hospital!! Also, I couldn't leave my ill child like that, just couldn't. Bothers me that it turns out he could.

I want to reschedule all our flights to 10 days later to be certain and reorganise holiday, i.e. still 4 weeks but later. DH says that's impractical and that everything is now planned and booked around these dates. In particular we will miss his sister and family. He is angry at me that I am willing to sacrifice seeing his family.

We have also discussed a compromise option, where DH and older kids wait until we are out of hospital to go then we follow later.

What other options are there? How do we decide??

I would do what he is suggesting to be honest
Its the most logical thing to do!

His plan is better. Sorry OP. It's his parents 50th and if anyone can be there, he should be with the kids that are able to travel. No need to make everyone miserable for 10 days in the name of "fairness."

I don’t think it’s about fairness. I would just expect both parents to want to be there when the child is sick. Neither of us would be able to think of much else, definitely not really in the mood to be doing loads of stuff with family, which is presumably planned.

@PolishedCrown but OP has already said the child isn't seriously ill, so there are no worries in regards to health/getting worse etc.

The husband has not seen his family for years. To guilt trip him into missing out on a chance to see his sister, by making out he is a bad father is just cruel.

A good friend was due to fly to visit her family for the first time Christmas 2019 when they realised that one of their 3 childrens passports didnt have the 6 months it needed.

Mum flew out with the oldest two at the booked time for (I think it was her Dads 70th)

Dad and youngest around 5 days later when the passport arrived.

He is right it is the logical choice - he is leaving his child with his mother and taking the other two with him

I don’t think it’s about fairness. I would just expect both parents to want to be there when the child is sick

The OP said the LO isn't seriously ill. What would be the point in ruining the trip for everyone (including those in the UK)?

I'm sure the DH would usually want to be with his poorly child, but there are other DCs and factors to be considered here.

Your husband has the right idea. He goes when originally booked with other child, you and DD join later. Don't give him a hard time for suggesting a sensible plan.

DH goes with other 2.

You follow with dd2 when she's well enough.

All fly home together and it's DHs turn to have dd2 on that flight

I think I'd let him go with the others and you can focus your energy on the little one without feeling like your splitting yourself amongst them all

If it's a mild and manageable illness, which seems to be what you're implying, I'd have him go as planned

Sole carer of a not seriously ill baby or flying with two children and most of the luggage. I know which I'd prefer

Agree with the majority, baby thankfully not seriously ill, dh and other two go without you and the baby.

She's 2. It says that in the first post.

Expecting your partner to react to stress the same way you do is unreasonable. Even more so in this case, when the partner's reaction is more practical and better for the rest of the family

like others have said, I would send DH and older children ahead and join them when youngest is well enough

I don’t understand how your dh would want to fly to the other side of the world while your dd is ill in hospital. I would want to stay as close as possible (we have been through similar with a hospital stay last year). I hope she’s ok 💐

My partner wouldn’t leave, I wouldn’t have to guilt trip him, it just wouldn’t be a thing. He’d stay out of concern, as would I. That’s us though. I can’t imagine getting on a plane when my child was sick enough to be in hospital, they would want us both so we’d do shifts. From what OP has said she feels disappointed that her husband would leave their child, I can understand that, it’s just not something we would do. If he goes, she’ll have to work out how she feels about that and how much it bothers her. If my partner did it, he wouldn’t be the person I thought he was so we’d have a problem.

This for me too.

OP has said it isn't serious.

The problem is both staying though is you are focusing on the needs of one at the expense of what is right for the family.

The OP says it isnt serious so I assume it is something like a break which prevents flying rather than it being a concern they will go downhill.

So in this case separating out - getting 2 children (the DS seems desperate to go) on the holiday and follow out later is the fair and equal choice squaring the needs of everyone

Why do you keep repeating that? 😬 Shes poorly enough to be in hospital and not travel. Some of us think that’s reason enough for a parent not to leave.

Your DH is right

Yabu he should still go with the older one.

I agree with DH, also give you a bit of time with the LO. I wouldn’t delay the whole family, although it does suck for you.

Another vote for your dh's plan. It's the obvious, least disruptive solution. DH gets to see his sister. Your toddler gets undivided attention as she gets better. You fly out in a week or so.

If DD1 is old enough to help you and insurance would cover rebooking her flights, I'd consider letting her stay. But she may be picking up the anxiety from you or because of tension between you and your husband.

I wouldn't base anything on "being in hospital". You can be desperately ill and not benefit from hospitalisation, or you can need a quick fix or monitoring. It sounds as if you have a prognosis. I hope you can find a solution that calms everything down.