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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help me unfuck this! Child in hospital, long haul trip home tomorrow

357 replies

ElfinsMum · 16/06/2022 17:32

Posting for traffic:

We are in Australia. First trip home in 2.5 years booked for tomorrow. 4 week trip timed with Aus winter school hols. SIL and her kids also flying into UK so we can all celebrate PILs' 50th.

Youngest DD (2) admitted to hospital today unexpectedly. She can't fly for at least a week, maybe 10 days. Docs won't know for sure for another couple of days depending how the treatment goes.

DS is utterly gutted and has been bawling his eyes out all evening and demanding that DH takes him tomorrow anyway. DD1 suffers some separation anxiety and called me earlier to say she would be too anxious to go without me and the baby.

What the hell do we do?

DH wants to head off tomorrow as planned with older DCs. He thinks it's fine to leave me in hospital with the toddler and then us come across later when she is allowed to fly. I think that's easy to say when you're not the one being left literally holding the baby in hospital!! Also, I couldn't leave my ill child like that, just couldn't. Bothers me that it turns out he could.

I want to reschedule all our flights to 10 days later to be certain and reorganise holiday, i.e. still 4 weeks but later. DH says that's impractical and that everything is now planned and booked around these dates. In particular we will miss his sister and family. He is angry at me that I am willing to sacrifice seeing his family.

We have also discussed a compromise option, where DH and older kids wait until we are out of hospital to go then we follow later.

What other options are there? How do we decide??

OP posts:
greatblueheron · 16/06/2022 19:11

YABU
Your DH's plan is sensible UNLESS your 2 year old is seriously ill.

Hutchy16 · 16/06/2022 19:14

HollowTalk · 16/06/2022 17:49

I wouldn't be impressed by a man who was angry over this, when surely you are worried about your daughter in hospital.

It wouldn’t be mumsnet if there wasn’t a post like this.

anger is just an emotion…it doesn’t mean he is throwing things or being unreasonable…he is just mad, don’t you ever get mad? If OP had used the word cross you wouldn’t have batted an eyelid so why bite because of the word angry.

you have made me angry

Titterofwit · 16/06/2022 19:15

DHs plan with 2 kids and you follow on when you can.

PolishedCrown · 16/06/2022 19:16

My partner would stay with us in this situation. We would all travel together once our child was well enough to. It wouldn’t even be a conversation, our sick child would be the priority. And our families would agree, there’s no way they would want us to prioritise them over our child, even if it meant missing some of them.

Wishing your daughter a speedy recovery.

dottieautie · 16/06/2022 19:18

While your husband’s idea may be the “sensible one”, I think I’d be pissed off at being left to be the sole carer of a child in hospital. When my eldest was in hospital age 12 one of us was expected to stay with her at all times including overnight and it wasn’t massively serious. If there’s only one parent to do all that, that’s bloody hard work. Why don’t you suggest he stays with his child in hospital and you’ll take the rest of the family away on holiday?

Unifrom · 16/06/2022 19:19

I’m with your DH. Your DD isn’t seriously ill and he should have the opportunity to see his family.

Dishwashersaurous · 16/06/2022 19:23

I think the DH plan is best. He takes the older children then you fly out when toddler can fly.

You can focus entirely on the youngest whilst in hospital and recovering without worrying about elder children.

Christinatherabbit · 16/06/2022 19:25

I would let the others go ahead so the children (and DH) don't get to miss out on those first few days and as disappointed as I would be I would just accept I will be missing the first week and follow when the little one is better. Feel so sad for you though what shit timing!!!

LesGiselle · 16/06/2022 19:27

The OP has said that her LO isn't seriously ill. For all we know, it could be one night of observation then home, but no flight because of antibiotics or something.

A poorly child is always a worry, but it's NOT the hardest thing in the world to be the parent taking care of one poorly-but-recovering child, when there's nothing else going on (and I assume there's not, since everyone was going on hols).

I'm being guided only by what the OP has said: it would be incredibly unfair on the DH and other children, as well as the family waiting for a big reunion to insist that everyone stays rather than the OP taking care of a poorly toddler for a few days.

It's crap, and bad luck, but the DH is trying to do the right thing here.

CustardySergeant · 16/06/2022 19:28

I also agree with your DH.

calmlakes · 16/06/2022 19:28

Why don’t you suggest he stays with his child in hospital and you’ll take the rest of the family away on holiday?

I would absolutely suggest this if it was OP's family that they were going to miss seeing by staying. But it is DH's family that won't get seen.
I'm guessing seeing DH's family matters more to DH than OP?

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 16/06/2022 19:28

dottieautie · 16/06/2022 19:18

While your husband’s idea may be the “sensible one”, I think I’d be pissed off at being left to be the sole carer of a child in hospital. When my eldest was in hospital age 12 one of us was expected to stay with her at all times including overnight and it wasn’t massively serious. If there’s only one parent to do all that, that’s bloody hard work. Why don’t you suggest he stays with his child in hospital and you’ll take the rest of the family away on holiday?

It's his PIL and DSis they are going to see so that woukd be a bit pointless

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 16/06/2022 19:29

*His parents

TooManyPJs · 16/06/2022 19:30

I'm with your DH too.

LateAF · 16/06/2022 19:32

dottieautie · 16/06/2022 19:18

While your husband’s idea may be the “sensible one”, I think I’d be pissed off at being left to be the sole carer of a child in hospital. When my eldest was in hospital age 12 one of us was expected to stay with her at all times including overnight and it wasn’t massively serious. If there’s only one parent to do all that, that’s bloody hard work. Why don’t you suggest he stays with his child in hospital and you’ll take the rest of the family away on holiday?

I like being there with my children in- it’s a privilege to be there for them, though tiring. It’s not exactly easy travelling long haul alone with multiple children either so OPs husband won’t have it easy.

ElenaSt · 16/06/2022 19:33

Husband is being sensible and practical. He and the other children go as planned and you and toddler fly out when the child is well.

SaveMePlease · 16/06/2022 19:34

As a DH myself I’d vote for your husband’s plan. If I was in this scenario, I would offer to be the one to stay but that is because my DW gets on amazingly well with my family as well so I wouldn’t put myself above her. I appreciate situations can be different (e.g your ill DD is adamant she wants you with her and not dad).

Spanielsarepainless · 16/06/2022 19:35

I'm with your DH. You are hardly a lone carer when there are hospital staff around.

Dixiechickonhols · 16/06/2022 19:39

I think your husband’s plan is best as toddler isn’t seriously ill. If he was in country he’d be with older ones so you’d be in own with toddler. Would a friend help you eg bring clothes or food. its rubbish but best of a bad job situation. I’m assuming toddler has something that won’t suddenly deteriorate.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 16/06/2022 19:39

I also agree with your DH.

Luredbyapomegranate · 16/06/2022 19:39

I’d follow your DHs plan. Between you try and encourage your elder DD to go with him - she’ll chirp up and have fun soon as she gets there - and you can reassure her you can FaceTime all the time.

Then you can focus on your toddler and follow on.

less stressful for everyone.

ToastedCrumpetwithCheese · 16/06/2022 19:42

DH's suggestion impacts the least number of people although it has a huge impact on you. You're right, it is easy for him to say as he's got the older kids which are likely much easier on a solo long haul flight. Nor is he stuck in hospital constantly. However he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. He lets you down or he lets down his sister/parents and everything that's been arranged in the UK that is impacted by a 10 day date shift.

I would be looking at what can be done to make it easier for you in hospital and on the flight. Can you book airport lounge access? Upgrade your seats? Upgrade baggage allowance so he takes most of your stuff so you travel light? Friends/family who can rally round to support you in hospital... sit with your daughter, bring in supplies, drop off some meals when you're home etc.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 16/06/2022 19:42

Push the all flight 10 days. That’s the only fair way.

hope your dd is ok!

LesGiselle · 16/06/2022 19:43

Push the all flight 10 days. That’s the only fair way

It's not only the OP involved here. That's literally the least fair solution.

LoisLane66 · 16/06/2022 19:47

I take it that your DD1 is an adult and lives away from home.You say she called you and has separation anxiety. If she's an adult surely she can wait with you.