To be severely sexually frustrated?

[daffodilsunlocked]

Since Sept 2021, my on-off DP has been suffering from the very unfortunate Peyronies Disease - for those who may not know what this is (or cba to Google!) it's a build-up of calcium in the penis which causes a significant bend and makes penetrative sex impossible (in our case anyway) - I'm 39, he's 56...

So we've now not had sex for 9 or so months

After being in an almost sexless marriage for 10 yrs and someone who openly enjoys sex - everything about it - I am extremely sexually frustrated and don't know what to do.

He waited a few months initially to get this seen but did do around November time at which point DR gave him Viagara and said he would need to trial this for at least 6 months before anything further could be done...FF to Apr/May - the viagara helps his erection, but still unable to penetrate me as the curve/bend is too significant.

DR also said he would refer him to a 'pump' clinic which would help to straighten the bend whenever he needed to, but DP has not chased this up and this is where I've started to lose my cool.

I'm the type of person who is a big believer in that we have to chase things - they don't come to us, and if that means calling the DR every bloody day to do so and explain how much it is affecting his MH then so be it - but he won't

He's making me feel guilty about it, creating arguments telling me he already feels 'less of a man' etc and I have been sympathetic, but am starting to really lose my shit if I'm honest.

I guess I'm wondering, am I just being a shallow 'harlot' ha ha, but seriously, AIBU to be feeling so God damn frustrated? Btw I don't see my life with this guy but we've got the biggest bond I've ever had in my life, with anybody, we're just 2 worlds apart

@Nocutenamesleft

oh get a grip, OP saying she wants a dick isn’t going to traumatise anybody

😂😂

@bubblesbubbles11

Eh?!

You don’t mind? He might!

Kick this one into touch OP.

He’s not performing and without that there’s much less of a reason to be in a relationship with a man. Not a PC view but that’s what I think. Especially if he won’t do much about it.

You can do better.

@dottypotter

surely those things are just a given though?

As is sex really.

I’m not gonna be grateful and count my blessings if I find a guy who doesn’t do drugs lol

Have you asked whether it is possible to have your vag surgically modified to be better able to accommodate something so catastrophically curvaceous?

This is a joke, right!?

Ok, you can be base. I choose to not be. Sex drive has nothing to do with it. Objectification and coarseness on the other hand…

Thus spake Beefcurtains79

I agree with you @dottypotter however this is not the case with op. She is NOT ok with sex not nice in other ways! Hence the personalized advised to her own situation. I personally could stay in a relationship without sex if everything else was perfect but to be honest OP's boyfriend doesn't sound that perfect. He isn't listening to op or communicating well with her. They've been on and off for ages... it's hardly the perfect relationship leaving aside the lack of serious commitment.

Surprised by your reaction given your name @Beefcurtains79

If I had an illness that impaired my ability to have vaginal sex and neither was into anal or oral as a satisfactory alternative I would break up with my boyfriend. If he was my husband I might consider an open marriage or divorce.

It's distasteful to reduce men to their ability to "perform" - much like categorising women as "fuckable or unfuckable".

And what's with the PP banging on (pun intended) about "performance" anyway?
Is he a seal? A circus animal?

Sex is a two-way street, & often more satisfactory for the woman when it's less phallocentric anyway.

A joke OP's partner might find amusing.
Especially if he starts harping on about him being ok with OP having invasive surgery purely to satisfy him.

@BlueKaftan

But sex itself is base!

it is course and animalistic and basic. You can sugarcoat it with twee language all you want but that does not alter the act.

sorry!

‘Someone who is kind, dosent cheat, dosent drink heavily etc, do drugs etc I would have thought were major considerations. Some People don't seem to get it.’

What I don’t get is how the bar is that low. We should be grateful for those things? Kindness? Come on!!!!

‘If my partner spoke about ‘needing a fanny to put it in’ which is the equivalent of what you have said I’d be pretty disgusted.’

You are literally fucking called Beef Curtains!!!!

WTF is this thread?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I think it’s more than just the sensations though. On a fundamentally biological level, it’s a real penis that is desired. A plastic dildo can’t get you pregnant. You can argue all you want but sex is, at its core, about reproduction.

If I have sex during ovulation, I do not feel satisfied (regardless of orgasms (which I always have)), if I have not had penetrative sex with DH using his penis. It’s quite clear why this is.

To add, it’s absolutely acceptable for a man to say the same - he needs penetrative sex with a female. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s a need. A basic human need!

Sometimes I think some posters just spout out what they think is expected instead of really thinking for themselves.

This Thank you, and after reading most of these posts I'm left to wonder, is it really so wrong for a woman to love sex, to crave sex, to want it with a partner?

Did you think before posting that nonsense? Lesbians seem to manage without a penis and gay men don’t have any need or desire for penetrative sex with a female. Sex is about a hell of a lot more than penetration.

@Blossomtoes but I'm not gay Hence me enjoying penetrative sex, from an actual penis

Omg this thread. Op, I was in a sexless marriage for way too long, and once I wasn't any more, I couldn't imagine ever losing that new intimacy.

I would totally be patient and supportive but, ultimately if he weren't taking steps to rectify the issue as recommended by professionals, I'd not want to resign myself to the consequences.

I'd have a very honest conversation about it all. And be prepared to walk away.

Op you’re not unreasonable. People saying you should feel sorry for him as it’s beyond his control…well it’s bloody not, is it?! He could be chasing it up with his doctor (as advised!!) but is choosing not to.
no good advice, sorry. Just support. I couldn’t live like this.

I didn’t say you were. I was replying to the pp who said

On a fundamentally biological level, it’s a real penis that is desired

She was talking bollocks. To be honest I’d forgotten all about you @daffodilsunlocked.

Absolutely