To be severely sexually frustrated?

[daffodilsunlocked]

Since Sept 2021, my on-off DP has been suffering from the very unfortunate Peyronies Disease - for those who may not know what this is (or cba to Google!) it's a build-up of calcium in the penis which causes a significant bend and makes penetrative sex impossible (in our case anyway) - I'm 39, he's 56...

So we've now not had sex for 9 or so months

After being in an almost sexless marriage for 10 yrs and someone who openly enjoys sex - everything about it - I am extremely sexually frustrated and don't know what to do.

He waited a few months initially to get this seen but did do around November time at which point DR gave him Viagara and said he would need to trial this for at least 6 months before anything further could be done...FF to Apr/May - the viagara helps his erection, but still unable to penetrate me as the curve/bend is too significant.

DR also said he would refer him to a 'pump' clinic which would help to straighten the bend whenever he needed to, but DP has not chased this up and this is where I've started to lose my cool.

I'm the type of person who is a big believer in that we have to chase things - they don't come to us, and if that means calling the DR every bloody day to do so and explain how much it is affecting his MH then so be it - but he won't

He's making me feel guilty about it, creating arguments telling me he already feels 'less of a man' etc and I have been sympathetic, but am starting to really lose my shit if I'm honest.

I guess I'm wondering, am I just being a shallow 'harlot' ha ha, but seriously, AIBU to be feeling so God damn frustrated? Btw I don't see my life with this guy but we've got the biggest bond I've ever had in my life, with anybody, we're just 2 worlds apart

He’s an on off boyfriend she doesn’t see a long term future with. They’re not married and committed to for better for worse. They’re not having a good sex life and communication seems to be an issue. This isn’t a small bump in the road of a committed forever relationship.

Your dp may not want to have surgery on his penis. Presumably there are risks that he might be worried about too?
You can't make someone else have surgery on their body. So maybe leaving is your only option.

Why is he an on/off partner? It sounds like he should just be an off one

If my partner spoke about ‘needing a fanny to put it in’ which is the equivalent of what you have said I’d be pretty disgusted.
I suggest you break up with him rather than add to his pressure.

Dump him and don't choose men this old next time as naturally hard dick is not guaranteed after a certain age AND they are less likely to change their ways. Try 28-45 at a push.

I think you should move on. I cannot imagine treating my DP like this, he is more than just a penis! You aren't in a committed relationship and don't see yourself with him long term.

He's an off on boyfriend though... if he was her husband or partner as in live together share bills joint money it's a different case. There isn't enough ties or commitment to justify staying.

There are positions that make penetration possible even with a significant curve, and sex in these positions can actually be better because of the curve, think g spot simulation etc. Have you actually tried researching how to make it work before assuming it can't? Isn't half the fun figuring this stuff out in the bedroom? Make it fun, take the pressure off and work as a team to find a fix that works. All you're doing right now is building resentment and making him feel awful about something he can't control. If he doesn't want surgery, his body his right, and you want to be with him, then you need to figure it out together. My boyfriend has a significant curve, definitely not impossible, promise.

I think maybe its time to call it a day.

He’s an on off boyfriend she doesn’t see a long term future with. They’re not married and committed to for better for worse. They’re not having a good sex life and communication seems to be an issue. This isn’t a small bump in the road of a committed forever relationship.
This.

Some men stop having sex quite early, maybe he has made his peace with it. Some women don't have sex for medical reasons for very long time and if it were a woman instead of your dp I don't see anyone in this thread saying that you should "push" for anything. Penis is a very tough issue for men. Also the nature of your relationship defines what you are ready to put up with, what is at stake, what dragons he is ready to slay for your sake. Some fights require a pretty serious level of commitment.

It sounds like there are other things not working in this relationship and it's time to call it a day.

If you are interested in an reliably active sex life you need to date guys more your own age or younger.

I don't think you can help getting sexually frustrated but you know I really really enjoy sex but if I had to manually straighten my cock out prior to sex every time I think I'd probably reconsider my appreciation of it pretty quickly

’If you are interested in an reliably active sex life you need to date guys more your own age or younger.’

Good advice

He's an 'on-off' boyfriend anyway and sex appears to be the only thing you really want from him, so I think it would be better for you both if you called it a day.

I appreciate that you want sex, but you're being pretty insensitive about this. Has it not occurred to you that it's probably quite unpleasant having to see doctors about something as personal as that, and being 'pushed' to go to a 'pump clinic' and hassled about whether you've tried a wank on Viagra yet? Personally, if I was your partner I'd probably find your whole attitude a massive turn-off. If I had a gynae issue that was equivalent to this and my partner was badgering me to go through embarrassing and uncomfortable stuff and asking me whether I'd had a wank on medication yet because a blow-job wasn't enough and he 'needed to stick it in a fanny', I strongly suspect I would never want to have sex with him again.

You clearly care more about his penis and sex and than him as a person. Maybe a reason why this is on and off again. Let him go and find someone who cares about him.

I agree with the others, if this was reversed - you would be crucified.

When it's a deeply committed relationship, working through these kinds of issues and compromising is part of the deal.

I think this has clarified for you what this relationship is actually about.

You are entitled to want this & to end the relationship on this basis.

However, try to have some empathy. This must be really distressing for your DP. It's a medical condition that isn't easy to address at all, and while he may need to follow up on treatment options, the pressure you are putting on him can't be helping.

If you are finding it all too difficult to manage, you should end it.

Yep, and even if it was working now it's hardly a big leap to think that it might cease working in five or ten years time when age catches up further with DP. Given OPs attitude to dick - which I am not criticising! - a partner her own age or younger would seem advisable!

I don't mind the shortening issue as he's quite average already

You're objectifying him. Time to move onto another "bloody penis" if you're so frustrated.

It it's a medical condition that he can be fixing but is chiding not to. OP I hope you're not wanking him off.

If you’re sexually frustrated AND you’re frustrated as his seemingly not doing as Dr advised to try to remedy the situation, you should split up. Both of your frustrations will only increase and he has already said he feels less of a man.

even without this condition, many men in kate 50s to 60s start to lose interest in dec as often as they did before. Tiredness, waning hormones, all sorts of things.

you’re still young relatively speaking to your partner. If you don’t feel you’d be able to live without penetrative sex (not a toy etc), then leave now, before this adds to your DP misery and your frustration.

It's not beyond his control. He can very much h take control but can't be bothered to.

It's not beyond his control. He can very much h take control but can't be bothered to.

ffs

What if it were a man saying, sorry but I really need to stick my dick into a vagina. 😳 How base.

Move on if he's not long-term material, why waste your time?