To be severely sexually frustrated?

[daffodilsunlocked]

Since Sept 2021, my on-off DP has been suffering from the very unfortunate Peyronies Disease - for those who may not know what this is (or cba to Google!) it's a build-up of calcium in the penis which causes a significant bend and makes penetrative sex impossible (in our case anyway) - I'm 39, he's 56...

So we've now not had sex for 9 or so months

After being in an almost sexless marriage for 10 yrs and someone who openly enjoys sex - everything about it - I am extremely sexually frustrated and don't know what to do.

He waited a few months initially to get this seen but did do around November time at which point DR gave him Viagara and said he would need to trial this for at least 6 months before anything further could be done...FF to Apr/May - the viagara helps his erection, but still unable to penetrate me as the curve/bend is too significant.

DR also said he would refer him to a 'pump' clinic which would help to straighten the bend whenever he needed to, but DP has not chased this up and this is where I've started to lose my cool.

I'm the type of person who is a big believer in that we have to chase things - they don't come to us, and if that means calling the DR every bloody day to do so and explain how much it is affecting his MH then so be it - but he won't

He's making me feel guilty about it, creating arguments telling me he already feels 'less of a man' etc and I have been sympathetic, but am starting to really lose my shit if I'm honest.

I guess I'm wondering, am I just being a shallow 'harlot' ha ha, but seriously, AIBU to be feeling so God damn frustrated? Btw I don't see my life with this guy but we've got the biggest bond I've ever had in my life, with anybody, we're just 2 worlds apart

Seems highly unlikely that this is a case of him not being bothered and more that he is not seeking help due to the whole complex range of feelings I'll lump together under the term "embarrassment". Think of the number of women who don't seek help for equivalent problems such as incontinence and prolapse. It's not that people can't be bothered but that doing this stuff can be difficult in all sorts of ways and avoidance and denial are common responses. I feel very sorry for the DP given OP's lack of sympathy and understanding.

That said, it doesn't sound like a great relationship anyway so maybe time to call this one a day.

If he's an 'on-off' partner then it's not like you have to celibate is it?

Im another who doesn't see why you're with him. He'd be better of with a dog, at least it would like him.

The way you talk about him is bordering on abusive. You don't see a future with him so why should he undergo medical procedures. Has he been thinking this was a proper long term relationship? You come across as using him. If he was even a friend you'd have already told him it wasn't working and you needed someone else.

Move on just don't tell him 'you need a real man'.

Jesus let the poor man go. He has a medical condition that must be both painful and excrutiatingly embarassing and you're unsympathetic because you "need" penetration by a penis.

Nobody "needs" sex. Absolutely nothing will happen to you if you don't have a penis enter your vagina. You want sex, and that's absolutely valid and fine, but you do not need it. Thus, you should split from your partner and find it elsewhere. He needs the break and some compassion anyway from the sound of it.

@dottypotter

why should she have to live with it though? It’s not his fault he has this problems but equally he doesn’t seem to be chasing the solutions to it. Don’t think OP just has to uncomplainingly accept that just cos other people have frustrations in life!

So get a dick inside you then.

Ask him if he’s willing to open the relationship up. When he says no, move on and live your life.

Nobody "needs" sex, but nobody "needs" a relationship either, let alone a sexless one. OP should do what is best for her, whilst trying to show some sympathy and compassion for DP / soon to be ex-DP.

@PollyEsther

Plenty of people do need sex though. It’s a biological imperative and key part of their relationship.

sex isn’t just for procreation you know!

Beefcurtains79 · Today 10:17

If my partner spoke about ‘needing a fanny to put it in’ which is the equivalent of what you have said I’d be pretty disgusted.

Why? It's certainly putting things crudely but it is what most straight people want, penetrative sex with someone of the opposite sex. Not sure why you'd be disgusted by that unless it's the language being used.

Well here's another crude truism. Sometimes a wank or toys just won't hit the spot and you need a damn good fuck.

I'm with you. Only a dick will do.

If "having a dick inside you" is so earth shatteringly important, then end it with your partner and go find some.

Your partner has a serious, sensitive medical condition, and probably would deal with it better without a partner who's harassing him about it for her own selfish reasons.

His lack of effort into sorting this out would annoy me too. Yes it's a medical issue and I would be completely understanding of that as long as he was doing everything he could to get it sorted. I have no patience for people who sit on their hands, moan or are distressed or affected by a problem and do nothing to address it.

@HarryStottel

its not selfish to want to have sex with your partner

Pure speculation - his head might be further in the sand if he had no immediate pressure to get things resolved.

You sound very unimaginative and a bore about sex tbh. I speak as a lesbian so no dicks involved but incredibly erotic sex is very possible including penetration. No toys needed either.

A lot of toys are better than the real thing to be fair though OP!

they are ergonomically designed and vibrate at a power that a human penis could just never

"I don't mind the shortening issue" you do know this isn't about you don't you??? You sound absolutely callous! And a sex crazed callous at that!

So you're losing your shit at DP b decays he can't meet your sexual demands due to a medical issue.

Yes, yabu.

You're on and off, don't see a long term future with him and can't give each other what you need. Leave and move on

You said he was on an-off boyfriend. Age gap. I can't stand people who don't action things and chase them up and confront things head on, so that characteristic would be a killer for me. Dump him and move on.

Time to call it a day, for both of your sakes.

Yes it was the language used I thought was insensitive, and extremely crass.

Language is just language. However you put it to still the same things and it’s not an abnormal want/need

while YANBU to be sexually frustrated everything else is very unreasonable. He’s a person with insecurities and self image to consider and you’re overriding concern is to get this sped up so that you can get laid despite not thinking he’s long term. Let him go and live his life free from this pressure

He should ask about an operation. My son-in-law had this done a few years ago.

You can't make someone else have surgery on their body.

This. If this was a man posting about a woman he'd be savaged, and rightly so.