To feel somewhat sad about turning 25 this year

[Pansiesandtulips]

Hi all

I am turning 25 this year and I feel somewhat sad about it. It’s not so much the age but more the fact I don’t feel I have accomplished much in my life. I’m not in a career that I enjoy and I’m still not sure what I want to do for a career. I’m single and unfortunately have terrible experiences in past relationships. I wasted my late teens in an abusive relationship and early twenties being treat like a door mat by every guy I met. I have never been in a happy, committed relationship and feel like it’s too late to find one.

I just feel like my life has no direction and at 25 I’m worried I’m past it. I still have terrible self esteem and self doubt. I still worry what other people think of me. I still overthink everything too.

Christ. Come back in 20 years and then we'll talk.

You're still very young with lots of time to change path and grow.

stares in 'approaching 40'

Yes you are very old and your life is over. HTH.

25 is still very young and you have been through a lot, it’s totally ok to feel down that the life experiences you’ve had haven’t put you on the path you’d like to be on.

Instead of feeling sad about what you feel you haven’t achieved in 25 years, think about what you would like to achieve in the next 25. A huge amount can change in a year, never mind 25!

Hardly any of us had a great hob or relationship at that age! It's par for the course.

You'll be OK

Yeah...come back when you are 60

What rude replies to someone who has come here to seek help/support/advice.

Hi Op - do you have some ideas about what you would like to do career-wise? Any qualifications that could help in that respect?

Assuming you’re currently single, congratulations on getting ride of the abusive partners - that’s something to be proud of.

It’s fair enough for a quarter of a century to feel momentous, especially if you haven’t found your path yet.

You won’t get much sympathy here because most of us are ancient by comparison, but 25 is a landmark.

Can you do yourself a 5 year plan to give yourself a road map to 30? Would that feel constructive?

Awww to be 25 again. Don't feel blue @Pansiesandtulips you're still so wonderfully young. So much time to achieve a lot yet.

Your whole life can change in an instant! I felt like this when I turned 30. Abusive and dead end relationships, always ending up single. I was suicidal at one point. Then literally all my hopes and dreams came true - promotion, married, new house, baby. Anything can happen, no matter how hopeless it seems. I know quite a few people who felt like they’d been left behind in their 30s but then it all works out. Don’t give up hope!

Ok op. Stop!
Breathe.
You have made some bad decisions. You have learned from them.
Start looking for a job you like. A job you love even. And you dont need a man to complete your life.
First find happiness within your. Go read books about what happiness could mean for you. What a healthy relationship looks like. What red flags in a man are. And then when you have learned and re-evaluate and you are happy. Then and only then you could see if a man is needed to make your life better

I laughed at first when I saw your message cuz I am about to turn 40 and 25 feels like a baby to me. But you aren't a baby. You are a grown woman who hasn't found her feet yet. But. If you put in the work:you'll get there. Know what you are worth and don't accept anything less.

Thank you all. I think it’s because I see people I went to school with in long term relationship or announcing on social media that they are engaged or have a bought a house. I rent at the moment. I feel like everybody is settling down and I have no idea where my life is going!

I think people are being harsh. Quarter life crisis is now quite well know. You have had the stress from working really hard for near a decade with very little to show for it.

27 is the typical age it occurs.

It such a great time of mental pressure and I think it’s no coincidence it coincides with the timing of a lot of late onset mental illness being triggered - such as bipolar in women is on average 27 years of age and schizophrenia similarly.

Don’t worry OP you will be fine. At 27 I was sectioned with a breakdown and psychotic episode and in between minimum wage jobs. At 32 I own two businesses, work for myself a couple of times a week, hire my DP, renovating my second and now family home as I just had my first child.

Its mind blowing how things can change in 5 years. You will be just fine I promise.

Such silly responses from people who are older

Op I get it. I felt the same at 25 - and then at 30…

a little to do with getting older and the end of an era - and a little about evaluating my life

at 25 I was a bit of a mess

at 37 if doing a job I enjoy and have a family etc

but as others have said, very few people have anything sorted at 25- most people are not in their long term relationships and many aren’t yet in a long term career. It’s really really young still and you have so much time

but to give yourself some direction focus on setting out a 1 year, 5 year and 10 year plan - and take it from there step at a time

make contacts by networking on LinkedIn and date people

so much tends to change for people in their late 20s/ early 30s so you have nothing to worry about

@Pansiesandtulips

Christ, hardly a supportive response here! I remember being 25 well and I felt exactly the same as you. Even having spent several years in abusive relationships. It does feel like a lot of time wasted when that has happened to you. I think the positive you can take from these responses above is that you're life is far from over and you haven't wasted it. Perhaps you have learned a lot of lessons that some people have taken years, decades to realise.

All it takes is for you to start making small positive decisions now, and your life will improve. Set boundaries in relationships early on so people don't walk all over you. Don't be afraid to walk away if people don't respect you. Prioritise your health and wellbeing - pay for proper therapy if you can afford it. I regretted waiting until 32 to get professional help for issues from my childhood and teens

If you're not sure about your career, spend some time thinking about what you want from life. I wasn't sure about my career, so I did a business degree in my mid 20s. With that I went into project management and then technology. I still feel like I don't know what I want to do with my life(!) but I do have loads of transferable skills and am pretty much able to work for any large organisation, so perhaps rather than wondering what you want to be, think of any company or organisation you want to work for and have a look?

My life turned around when I decided to take small positive steps to a better life. By 30 I had a well paid job, bought my first house, married and two children - things I didn't have at 25. Life can change in a small amount of time, or it can drag on and you'll still feel like some of the people above who are on their 40s. It's mostly down to you (and a dash of luck) which direction it goes. Good luck x

@Pansiesandtulips

Oh and one more piece of advice STOP STOP STOP comparing yourself to other people. Comparison is the thief of joy and the primary issue with things like social media. People may appear to have it all sorted now but wait a few years and their lives will unravel at different times. In life the race is long and there is no winner, just relax and go with your flow.

At 25 you have plenty of time to have meaningful relationships, find the one and maybe marriage.

Re career you are still young there are many career pathways you could look at. What are you interested in? What qualifications do you have? You could go to college/university, tbh the world is your oyster at this age.

It sounds like you need to work on your self esteem. To be fair you are pretty brave posting on AIBU with this as the majority will roast you for seeing this as a problem.

As you age I guarantee you will care less what others bar your family and friends think of you. Don't overthink everything you will see problems where there are none.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do and well done for getting rid of the shitty men you dated previously.

Oh yes and delete Facebook, or change the password and burn the piece of paper.

I did that after my section. One of the best decisions I have made.

What a pleasant response 🙄

It's a good thing you're feeling like this as this will stimulate growth and change. The truth is the next five years will absolutely fly by and you'll be facing 30 feeling even worse if nothing changes.

Sit down and figure out what you'd really like out of life. The good news is you're still very young and can achieve it.

I felt like this when was 28, no career, not married, in a lot of debt and still renting. I remember dreading the thought of a 10 year school reunion as I couldn't imagine how embarrassing speaking to other people that had done more. I looked at what I was unhappy with and started taking control, I got debt free, bought a house at 33, a whole new career at 34, married at 35 and will have a baby all being well at 38 later this year.

We all have different paths and they happen at in their own time, my friend from school has a 19 year old son and her life has been completely different from mine but I don't suppose we would want each other's life more than our own.

Try not to compare your life to others, only compare it to last year and make sure you're happier and in a better position now

I was in Australia when I became 25….I honestly felt bewildered.
I was in a hostel on Magnetic Island…the most beautiful place on the planet….fast forward thirty years and I have three children and am now daydreaming about being 25 again 💕

I'm still 25 in my head... even though I'm actually more than twice that age.

OP, you are so young. You have loads of time to achieve your dreams.

Fuck sake.