To approach this mum with this warning?

[swimmingwiththefishes]

Ok so I would NEVER normally approach a mum and 'point something out' BUT,

It's a hot day here (26 when I went to the park earlier) and I took the dog out for a walk in my local park. Took DS2 who's 6 months.

As I walked around the park and across some fields, there were two mums sat having a picnic of some sorts in the sun (no shade).

One of the mums obviously had a baby for a nap in the pram (I assume baby as bassinet attachment). To create some shade she had taken two muslins and draped them over the opening of the bassinet and clipped them with pram clips across the openings.

I'm pretty sure that this creates a hothouse type effect and can be quite dangerous. I actually had DS2 also napping and had a snuzshade draped over to stop the sunlight creeping in (black thin material with air holes to create shade but let the air flow).

I ummed and errd but decided I had to say something so really thought about the least offensive way to say it (I'm sure I could have found better!!).

Below is the convo. My friend thinks I was totally out of order to do this but I think I couldn't in good conscious not say anything

Me; gosh, it's soooo hot today isn't it? Nice to have some sun but poor little ones get so hot
Mum: oh yes, we're enjoying being able to get some sun!
Me: I'm not sure if it's helpful but I've found these snuzshade things really good as they let the air in so much more lightweight and breathable than muslins.
Mum: what do you mean?
Me: sorry, it's just I've read that muslins don't let the air through so can make babies hotter so I just thought I'd mention how great I've found this product as not sure if you're aware?
Mum: tell you what? Why don't you fuck right off and leave us the fuck alone
Me: ok, I'm literally trying to stop your child from overheating, that's all. Look it up.

I told my friend about the above convo and she said I probably came across as patronising and interfering. Yup, I probably did come across like that but that poor baby was probably roasting in there!

I'm sure I could have approached it better but WIBU?

YANBU it’s really dangerous and she shouldn’t of been so rude

There is absolutely nothing wrong with covering your pram with a Muslin, as long as it isn’t tightly covered on all sides and has some air circulating

I would have been very annoyed at you because I come from a country where it is 40 in the shade, not a measly 26, and babies manage to survive. I also would have thought you were trying to sell me something.

I wouldn't have told you to fuck off.

What it comes down to is intelligence versus stupidity. You rock!

This thread also illustrates the problem beautifully...

Don't ever give up.

@ShirleyPhallus There absolutely is as I've quoted twice: increase in temp of 13 degrees in the sun. Increase risks of SIDS...

And as I said, muslin was clipped tightly around all sides.

@TakeMeToYourLiar agree!

I’d have said thank you for your advice but you shouldn’t be walking your dog in it either.

Wow, what a rude and uncalled for response. Even if you did put it a bit awkwardly, I would have just said, oh really, thanks for sharing, or something along those lines.

You did the right thing OP. Sometimes its necessary to take a chance and a risk if it is in a good cause about something important like the baby. Good on you for doing it, and I am sorry she was so rude - probably defensive as knew she was not taking enough care of her baby.

Yep, you were patronising! And what about your dog, poor thing.

YANBU
I didn’t know muslins were not breathable, although I didn’t ever clip it on to DC’s pram.

It’s a shame the mum was so offended about something that could have affected her child’s safety.

I don't think anyone has said it is. What people have said is maybe get your own house in order before 'lecturing others'

I think it is better you said something but I would have said something like I didn't realise this until someone told me, that babies can overheat blah blah.

I remember a friend's mum telling me about her friend's daughter dying because she choked on a cherry tomato when she was me giving whole big grapes to my toddler. (I thought they were fine as they were big and long so not round but once I looked into it I was horrified). She may have thought better of telling me and I went on to have a few more kids and fed my kids a lot of grapes and cherry tomatoes. So glad she told me.

It's always ok to try to help, but people get snippy if they're told they are doing the wrong thing. I've done similar, but started by saying that a health visitor told us that muslins or blankets actually increase the temperature in the pram and just letting them know. Pause for response, which was usually "but you have a blanket" and explain the snoozeshade is apparently ok, would they like to stick their hand in each pram to feel the difference. Every time, the person stuck a hand in each, and said "Oh wow, that is cooler", but also noticed their own pram was hotter than outside.

Actually, I might have just stopped one or two to say "sorry to interrupt, but I'm excited by how much cooler this snoozeshade is for my baby, would you like to feel the temperature in my pram" and had the exact same effect. Clearly we're all scientists at heart, evidence works.

I've done this once, then looked it up and yes, you are right. Babies can over heat. I think you were right to say something as it's not something that intuitively is known (I'd thought the muslin would save the baby from sun burnt. Bad idea).

I think it would have been better though if you had just said it outright (ie baby can overheat behind the muslin screen) rather than start with small talk and then how good your own method is. You did sound patronising. There's no guarantee thhoughbgg that she would have received that better. At the end of the day though I hope she will look it up and stop doing it

Oh for the love of God!

Just came on to comment on the dog thing - people saying 26 degrees is ‘too hot’ to walk a dog. For goodness sake, what do you think dogs do in the majority of the world (which is hotter than the UK?) Do they all just keel over from heatstroke? I’ve just come back from Mexico and there are dogs everywhere, half feral, just wandering around happily. It’s over 26 degrees there every day for most of the year! Fair enough maybe don’t go on a massive hike or run a marathon with your dog, but a simple walk? Honestly.

Anyway OP, YANBU for approaching her.

Bizarre that you apparently already know it’s the wrong thing to do to walk your dog at that temperature but yet did it anyway - you don’t even have the ignorance defence of the other mother.

Mentioning the overheating risk in a straightforward way would be fine. The weird passive aggressive way you switched from ‘friendly’ passing the time of day to sales pitch would have got you an very unfriendly response from me too.

They overreacted esp with the swearing going on

Not sure about mentioning products as they probably should have looked for shade instead

I would have said something to you about having your dog out in the heat.
What an idiot. Sort your own shit out before you lecture other people!

You did the right thing. People are just disgusting these days.

You did completely the right thing. When a baby is in danger like that, the last thing anyone should be concerned about is social protocols. Yes, you may have got a nasty reception but I bet that woman will consider what you have said later on and it could save that baby from potentially fatal heat stroke. Anyone who tells you that your were wrong for being 'patronising' needs their head examined.

Good for you!

Why do ppl have to keep swearing
She totally let herself down
People need lessons in how to converse properly
Horrible woman.

That’s what I was thinking.

To be fair, the same could be said for babies in hot countries where they don't have the snooze shade things. Or babies in the uk in the 90s when we didn't have them either.

@PaddingtonBearStareAgain Ah, ok so because I was (admittedly) doing the wrong thing with my dog, I should not have approached her about something she was doing which has increase risk of SIDS and overheating?

So only ever step in on a situation you deem harmful to a baby or child if you are completely 'hands clean'?

I accept I should have taken the dog out earlier and have said several times that it was on grass and along a river and not something I make a habit of but Jesus Christ does that mean I simply walk on by and let the child potentially overheat?

The mother was rude. There was no need for her to use the F word. I had no idea about the muslin thing and did it with both my babies. I wish someone had told me about it at the time. I would have been mortified but grateful.

She obviously didn’t like being told she had done something incorrectly and chose to take it out on you by swearing at you. She was probably showing off in front of her friend by telling you to F off. Pathetic.