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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To approach this mum with this warning?

365 replies

swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 17:20

Ok so I would NEVER normally approach a mum and 'point something out' BUT,

It's a hot day here (26 when I went to the park earlier) and I took the dog out for a walk in my local park. Took DS2 who's 6 months.

As I walked around the park and across some fields, there were two mums sat having a picnic of some sorts in the sun (no shade).

One of the mums obviously had a baby for a nap in the pram (I assume baby as bassinet attachment). To create some shade she had taken two muslins and draped them over the opening of the bassinet and clipped them with pram clips across the openings.

I'm pretty sure that this creates a hothouse type effect and can be quite dangerous. I actually had DS2 also napping and had a snuzshade draped over to stop the sunlight creeping in (black thin material with air holes to create shade but let the air flow).

I ummed and errd but decided I had to say something so really thought about the least offensive way to say it (I'm sure I could have found better!!).

Below is the convo. My friend thinks I was totally out of order to do this but I think I couldn't in good conscious not say anything

Me; gosh, it's soooo hot today isn't it? Nice to have some sun but poor little ones get so hot
Mum: oh yes, we're enjoying being able to get some sun!
Me: I'm not sure if it's helpful but I've found these snuzshade things really good as they let the air in so much more lightweight and breathable than muslins.
Mum: what do you mean?
Me: sorry, it's just I've read that muslins don't let the air through so can make babies hotter so I just thought I'd mention how great I've found this product as not sure if you're aware?
Mum: tell you what? Why don't you fuck right off and leave us the fuck alone
Me: ok, I'm literally trying to stop your child from overheating, that's all. Look it up.

I told my friend about the above convo and she said I probably came across as patronising and interfering. Yup, I probably did come across like that but that poor baby was probably roasting in there!

I'm sure I could have approached it better but WIBU?

OP posts:
ChimbarasiKotapaxi · 15/06/2022 17:40

I think you were brave - not patronising

DistrictCommissioner · 15/06/2022 17:41

That Which article is interesting.

Original poster
swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 17:42

Schucks guys, you've got me!

I work for snuzshade! Please all invest in one as it gets hotter outside!

OP posts:
Eatthecake80 · 15/06/2022 17:42

I mean she didn’t have to tell you to fuck off!,
she could of just said I’ll take it on board.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 15/06/2022 17:44

Only on mn would people be more bothered about the dog

Let's hope she googled it before Friday when it's supposed to be hotter. Poor baby

pigsDOfly · 15/06/2022 17:45

It can really backfire on you when you give unasked for advice to strangers as I found myself when I pointed out to two women in the supermarket that the young child with them was chewing on the lid of a bottle of washing up liquid.

The child was sitting inside the trolley and had her back to the women who were having a rather heated argument.

I assumed that the younger of the women was probably the child's mother so I pointed it out to her thinking she's want to know, given that the child was gripping the bottle tightly and if she, the child, pulled the lid open and swallowed some it was not going to go well. I was also told to fuck off and mind my own business.

I also hope you won't be offended OP, and I really hope I don't sound patronising in any way, but a temperature of 26 degrees is really far too hot for walking a dog.

yellowsmileyface · 15/06/2022 17:46

No nice way give unsolicited advice!

Exactly. People seldom appreciate unsolicited advice, especially coming from strangers, and especially concerning their children.

However, I think you were totally right to say something. You just have to accept in that situation it will likely go unappreciated.

Tumbays · 15/06/2022 17:46

She was very rude and overreacted but you probably did come across a bit patronising. It is hard not to say smt if you see smt wrong, so I get you, but I think the muslin stuff isn't so dangerous and their "danger" might've been exaggerated as a marketing tactic.

Cherrysherbet · 15/06/2022 17:47

You were coming from a place of genuine concern for the baby.

She was rude.

SleepyMc · 15/06/2022 17:48

I think I’d have come straight out with it- the whole Snuzwhatever bit would have annoyed me and I think I’d also assume you were selling something.

otoh her response was disproportionate and rude.

Sparklingbrook · 15/06/2022 17:48

She was rude, but you were interfering.

Original poster
Swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 17:48

@PizzaPatel Thanks so much for that article you posted.

I've just read it fully and am actually going to stop using the snooz shade (spelt correctly now) because of it!!

This is the chart the Which test did. Starting temp and then charting affects inside the pram when different covers are added.

It seems actually just the hood up and out of the sun is the best (I may have to change my walking route but sure I can manage!)

Interest charting of temps!

To approach this mum with this warning?
OP posts:
Mariposista · 15/06/2022 17:48

That ridiculous woman has no place being a mother. Her idiotic behaviour covering a baby in a roasting pram on a hot day, and her foul language really sum her up. Makes me sick, especially when there are so many people who can’t have kids who deserve them.

AmaryIlis · 15/06/2022 17:48

Are muslins that dangerous? They clearly aren't going to be airtight, even clipped together. And if you don't happy to have brought your handy snuzshade with you, it's surely better than leaving the baby in the hot sun.

Chattanooger · 15/06/2022 17:48

Yep you shouldn’t have been walking your dog in that heat.

CoopsMalloops · 15/06/2022 17:49

You did the right thing.

BaaCake · 15/06/2022 17:49

Hopefully she's in the park tomorrow and you can tell her your findings

Justcallmebebes · 15/06/2022 17:50

I've heard it raises temp inside the pram by 10c

Winceybincey · 15/06/2022 17:50

You were not patronisingly at all. Many parents value their own parenting decisions over their child’s safety and anyone who points out the hazard in the decision is an interfering arsehole rather than helpful. I honestly don’t get it, its like their feelings about the comment is more important than being informed their child is at risk.

I thought it was ok to forward face at 12 months because most car seats do so and everyone does - until someone showed me the statistics and explained it’s not safe. I thanked them and did my research and now my son is still rear facing at age 3.

you only had the baby’s safety at heart - atleast someone did.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 15/06/2022 17:50

The way you worded it made it sound like you were trying to sell her something!

I would have gone with something along the lines of "I really hope I don't offend you, but I found out recently that although we all thought hanging muslins over the pram protected our LOs from the heat, apparently it has the opposite effect. I know, I had no idea either. This motherhood malarkey is a minefield, right?"

Yes, I know the above still sounds somewhat patronising - but I can't think of a way not to - and I agree that you were right to have alerted her.

Original poster
swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 17:52

pigsDOfly · 15/06/2022 17:45

It can really backfire on you when you give unasked for advice to strangers as I found myself when I pointed out to two women in the supermarket that the young child with them was chewing on the lid of a bottle of washing up liquid.

The child was sitting inside the trolley and had her back to the women who were having a rather heated argument.

I assumed that the younger of the women was probably the child's mother so I pointed it out to her thinking she's want to know, given that the child was gripping the bottle tightly and if she, the child, pulled the lid open and swallowed some it was not going to go well. I was also told to fuck off and mind my own business.

I also hope you won't be offended OP, and I really hope I don't sound patronising in any way, but a temperature of 26 degrees is really far too hot for walking a dog.

Oh wow. Poor kid! Well done for dying something!

Yes, I have tried to explain but totally take on board it was hot. We did walk along the river which he waded in but I don't usually take him out that late on hot days: disrupted day by doctors appt and workmen in the house.

He's currently snoozing on a hardwood floor and is VERY much the spoilt dog and our routine usually revolves more around him than the kids. Today was a manic, unusual day for him!

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 15/06/2022 17:52

It sounds like you were trying to sell a product.

I'm sure you meant well though.

Original poster
swimmingwiththefishes · 15/06/2022 17:52

inigomontoyahwillcox · 15/06/2022 17:50

The way you worded it made it sound like you were trying to sell her something!

I would have gone with something along the lines of "I really hope I don't offend you, but I found out recently that although we all thought hanging muslins over the pram protected our LOs from the heat, apparently it has the opposite effect. I know, I had no idea either. This motherhood malarkey is a minefield, right?"

Yes, I know the above still sounds somewhat patronising - but I can't think of a way not to - and I agree that you were right to have alerted her.

This is perfect! Should there ever be another occasion where um sticking my beak in, I will use this!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 15/06/2022 17:53

Chattanooger · 15/06/2022 17:48

Yep you shouldn’t have been walking your dog in that heat.

Or whilst pushing a pram really.

FiveNineFive · 15/06/2022 17:54

You weren't wrong to say something but you shouldn't have been surprised at the response