To not want to go to this

[Tired32]

So my DH has arranged to go for lunch with his dad on Sunday (my dad is on holiday)

I honestly can’t think of anything worse! My MIL annoys me and everything will be down to me With regards to the kids.

my dislike for them just keeps growing and growing with the lack of effort they put into the kids.

please tell me I am not a horrible person, or is this something I just have to do?

Don’t go. He’s not your dad. Are you scared of your husband? If not say you’re not going, what’s the worst that can happen)

If you value your relationship then yes, you should suck it up and go

If there is a massive drip feed involving MIL chucking a glass of wine over you on Christmas Day or something then no don’t go

BUT. Everything shouldn’t fall to you with the kids. Your husband should be doing his share. Is that what this is really about as it usually is?

Is the issue your DH or his dad?

There's no way I'd go.

Let him go and take the kids. Put your feet up for a few hours.

I went for a meal once with DH’s family for SIL’s birthday and I spent most of my time outside as DS wouldn’t settle. I cried at one point as it just felt so unfair.

That's your "D"Hs fault, not your in laws, why didn't he take his turn? Why did he allow you to be in tears?

You are still not explaining the problem?

We were t getting on very well at that particular time and I think he did it on purpose. I promised myself I wouldn’t go through that again, I felt so alone and supported.

I suppose it is that everybody just sits there drinking wine leaving me run ragged with the kids eating cold food. I really don’t want to go

Plus I hate having to demand help in-front of his family, it makes me look like bitch. I think he thinks that because it is his family he can get away with it.

OP you absolutely do not have to go. Let him go with the DC and you have a nice chilled day at home or go out with a mate to cinema/shopping.

even though it is Father’s Day?

It's not you ILs that are the problem, I get you don't want to go, but that's because you don't want to face the fact your DH is the problem. Does he parent equally at other times? My guess is no!

MIL is very 1959’s and DIL doesn’t move a muscle when he gets home from work, brings him a drink, dinner etc..I feel unreasonable in their company to ask for DH’s support

1950’s even

Tbh. It doesn’t seem so unfair to me. That’s what you do when kids don’t settle. And it’s the other persons family you are with

Does this happen at other social events, or just with your ILs? What is DH like in other parenting?

If you go.. If... Sit the dc with dh and mil. Sit at the opposite end. Let him deal with the dc. After all it is Father's Day.. Quality time with his own dc. Not sure why you assume all their responsibility..

even though it is Father’s Day? Makes no difference.

Your DC will be with their father. DH will be with his father.

So when you go to your family events does dh do all the running after the dc? Bet he doesn't. Just tell him you're not going because you're too tired/cba/hate it. He can take the dc to see their grandad without you feeling in the wrong. Enjoy Sunday!

Honestly, in my marriage the deal is if we’re visiting my family/friends DH picks up the slack with our kids so I can spend more time with my family/friends and vice versa. Not to the extent that one of us is left hungry, but if a child has to be outside the restaurant I’d expect to be the main supervisor at a meal with his family. I don’t understand why you’re upset with your in-laws - it’s certainly not their job to take your crying baby outside.

If it’s every weekend and you have baby triplets I can understand your resentment but if it’s once in a while, normal levels of parenting and he’s otherwise supportive I think you need to suck it up.

@12Thorns it felt really unfair though? To the point I cried? Maybe I am being Unreasonable then.

He's not your father.

Stand up for yourself woman! Tell him you don't feel like going but have a nice time.

If you can't do that, then you have bigger problems in your marriage.

I agree with PP - when it’s my family we’re out with DH takes over so I can spend time with my family/ friends and when we’re with his I do the same. I think that’s quite normal? You sound quite resentful of your in laws and while I get that it would nice for them to help, they’re under no obligation to. Neither my parents or in-laws help and it sucks but it what it is.

He should be parenting his children equally but was this a one-off? Or does he always leave everything to you? I certainly don’t think your in-laws are responsible for helping with your kids.

if you don’t want to go though, don’t go. I’m sure he’s capable of visiting his family by himself.