Attempted upskirting by delivery man

[upskirting]

Bizarre and shocking experience today, thanks to a delivery man working for a large well known delivery firm acting on behalf of a major U.K. retailer.

He "had to tie his shoelaces" three times in the 5ish mins he and his male colleague were here. I was home alone. Each time he moved uncomfortably close to me and then knelt on the floor and put his phone camera-up on the floor next to him. I felt uncomfortable but couldn’t believe that he was trying anything.

The third time I was in an area like a utility room, and he'd knelt in front of the doorway, essentially blocking me in... and then said, oh sorry, i'm blocking you! He moved himself but not the phone, which I would have had to step over or close to over, to get past into the main room. Fortunately I had the good sense to stay where I was.

AIBU that this man should lose his job? As should his colleague, who clearly knew what was going on? And also, WWYD now, if you were me?

Thanks. I can face it, but it might have to wait til the weekend! I’ve already put in a police report this evening, though like I say I doubt it’ll go anywhere. But I’ve done my bit to try and help spot the pattern of behaviours. I’ll get onto social media too if I don’t hear back from the company tomorrow following my report to them this afternoon…

ah so in the first place it was her own fault and in the second place you don't believe it even happened.

Standard reaction to any kind of sex crime really. well done you for springissprung. you told her.

"People - women - should be aware of this sort of thing. Wish I had been, although really not sure what else you can do in that situation. Kick the phone away? Sternly tell him to pick it up?"

Clearly when guys are in your house it's fine to avoid confrontation, however if I clocked someone making repeated attempts like this I'd be quite tempted to say something along the lines of "If you try that again I'll be so shocked that I will accidently spill my scolding hot tea on your head. "

But yeah it'd be totally reasonable if the phone isn't in his hand to kick the shit out of the phone (away from him) and then say in a totally shocked voice "what the hell is your phone doing there?!!" then pick his phone up to (oh so politely) give it back to him, giving you a chance to look for pictures.

I'm goady? That is funny. You are a great poster.

@SpringIsSprung1

Why were you letting him kneel down at least 3 times

You would let that happen in your own home?

Are you for real?

Why did you LET him do that??

This is so damaging. Please evolve. If not for yourself then those around you. I can’t believe this.

Yes we all have personal agency & don’t need to be “victims” (except when we can’t) but trying to process & figure out something so unexpected happening in real time & then acting accordingly can, as you must surely know, be incredibly difficult. Let alone then manage the fallout and potential for escalation, not to mention the power difference of the situation with the OP being a sole female.

OP this is awful & I think you did really well to keep your distance from this piece of shit & his phone.

Not something I’d ever have thought we’d need to be on the look out for - god where does it end….

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope the company and police take it seriously.
If something bothers me, I am never afraid of confrontation but being alone with 2 unknown men in my home, I would have kept quiet for fear of the situation turning physical. You never know what could happen if you say something to men like that.

Yes, absolutely, I am no shy retiring wallflower… but he kept a running commentary of the excuses he was about to use if I challenged him, and I’ve already outlined the rest of the situation with the layout of the room etc. I don’t know what else I could have done.

DH was absolutely appalled (they also asked pointedly about whether it was “a job for my husband” to assemble the items), and we’ve agreed that from now on we’ll both ask all delivery people for their names before letting them in, to hopefully minimise the risk of something like this happening again.

So many things you could have done to prevent this intimidation

Like?

Who knows what’s on his phone? Or how many victims? It’s difficult to permanently delete stuff. Could be an easy win even for overstretched police and I think maybe cyber crime type teams are better resourced? (Although I have no special knowledge.) Worth a try. Imagine if he escalates.

we’ve agreed that from now on we’ll both ask all delivery people for their names before letting them in, to hopefully minimise the risk of something like this happening again.

How would having their names prevent it? Maybe I’m being dense.

Alright, have-a-go hero, calm down! I did sensible things: stay out of the way, don’t get filmed, don’t get groped, don’t get raped. That’s how that could have ended. That’s the truth of the matter. Next time I’ll kick people’s stuff over the room and pour my tea on them, eh? 😂

I'm sorry, it just does my head in when men take advantage of women like this. I'm also sorry I doubted you. Take care.

Oh sorry, the names won’t prevent it but it means I can report “James X” or “Alan Y” or whatever on social media or to the police. Hopefully they’ll feel a bit more accountable. Maybe… Probably nor, but it’s all we could think of as prevention. Minus trousers, clearly(!)

You need to report to the police on their non emergency number. Please dont leave it to dfs to handle....

Oh yes ISWYM about the names. But in any case the company bloody well know who they sent into your house. A disinterested “ill pass it on” isn’t anything close to good enough.

Follow up in writing!!!

Are you on Facebook or twitter? Put it up there too. Write something along the lines of …this happened, I’ve contacted the company and I’ll post the response if and when I get it…. Tag the company in.

Do you know the delivery man’s name? If so, use it (first name, maybe not last name).

And name the company clearly. It won’t harm them (and may even help them) if they demonstrate that they take allegations seriously, follow up and institute new policies. By naming them, they are more likely to take this seriously.

I was just about to guess at DFS. What the heck is wrong with them? Don’t they know women have the final say on >80% of household purchases? “Send perverts then shrug” is a pretty shit customer service strategy,

That’s creepy! Did he delete the picture afterwards? I hope he did it accidentally and not on purpose.

@QueenCamilla I’m sorry to hear that 😢 Hope you’re doing ok now and that creep is behind bars.

@upskirting I am glad you reported it to the police 💐

Yep.

Gosh op how horrible for you,
I would have stomped on his phone each time he put it on the floor, then after the third time told him to get the hell out of my house as l can see what he is trying to do and l am about to ring the police......
Why oh why do women tip toe around these creeps?
Why are women so polite in the face of this behaviour?

We are cautious and thoughtful so that we don’t end up physically assaulted.