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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's an inheritance one

226 replies

Pupdate292 · 13/06/2022 16:25

I'll just type out the scenario and leave it to the vote, I'm a relative to someone in the family and I'm kind of stuck in the middle of it all. Just looking for an outsiders perspective.

So the man has 2 daughters from his first marriage. He re marries a divorcee who has a 2 year old son. His girls are around 8 years old at this point. They all have a happy upbringing, the man is close to his girls and also treats his step son as his own. His 2nd wife does the same with her step daughters.

Fast forward to today. The daughters are both happily married to very wealthy men, want for nothing. The son is also happily married, not as wealthy but has a mortgage on his own home, is in a good job, enjoys holidays abroad etc.

The man has sadly died and left nothing in his will to his daughters. It's all been left to his 2nd wife and son.

Yanbu- that's wrong, he should have left something to the daughters even though they are now very wealthy

Yabu-the daughters don't need the money, he was right to leave everything to his 2nd wife and her son as their need is greater.

OP posts:
SaintJavelin · 13/06/2022 16:31

He should have split everything equally.

Mally100 · 13/06/2022 16:33

Yanbu, it was wrong. He had 3 children . He could have left them a smaller portion, but at least left them something.

RomeoMcFlourish · 13/06/2022 16:34

He was wrong. It should have been worked out equally.

Jedsnewstar · 13/06/2022 16:34

SaintJavelin · 13/06/2022 16:31

He should have split everything equally.

Agree it is not an issue of need but an issue of priorities. He doesn’t have to leave money but he has essentially said his 2nd family is more important.

readsalotgirl63 · 13/06/2022 16:35

I think inheritance is really often not about the money. I would be very hurt if my father had not left me anything and had left it to siblings.

readsalotgirl63 · 13/06/2022 16:35

Was there any explanation given - did he leave a letter for instance ?

MrJi · 13/06/2022 16:36

Completely wrong of him not to leave his children anything. I am shocked.
The wife and stepson in this scenario should be sharing this with their step daughters/ stepsisters.

DisforDarkChocolate · 13/06/2022 16:36

readsalotgirl63 · 13/06/2022 16:35

I think inheritance is really often not about the money. I would be very hurt if my father had not left me anything and had left it to siblings.

This is key to me. I would feel less valued.

MrJi · 13/06/2022 16:37

Although the damage has been done whatever happens now. He has cut his own children out of his will, and that is a very cruel thing to do.

quesalvia · 13/06/2022 16:38

Has he actually left it to his second wife AND son?
Or has his current wife just inherited everything - as is normal for a spouse?

Often, when there's a second marriage, the new partner inherits everything, but then when THEY die then the estate is split between all of the children.
Which makes sense - otherwise she could end up homeless in order for the daughters to inherit.

Original poster
Pupdate292 · 13/06/2022 16:39

readsalotgirl63 the explanation was that his daughters are now both wealthy and don't need the money whereas his wife and step son do. His wife and step son lead very normal, modest lives. Wife is retired and living off his pension and state pension (lives in a small 3 bed home with no mortgage) (sons situation described in OP). The daughters live in huge detached properties, don't have to work, have multiple holidays abroad a year etc.

OP posts:
EmilyBolton · 13/06/2022 16:40

All children should be treated fairly. While some may be wealthy/poor at time will was written, that can change- divorce, illness, redundancy, house burning down …anything.
I think parents who do not split evenly are evil, selfish bastards who are leaving a legacy that drives wedges between families. What do they not understand about that it’s the thought that counts…doesn’t matter if you leave them £500 or £5m …what matters is they are all left the same and treated equally. If they’ve been left £500 to each and rest to donkey sanctuary..well at least you unite your kids in their belief that you were batshit crazy.

The ONLY exception to this is where one “child” has disabilities and special needs that means parents have always had to care for them and adult child s totally dependant on them. But it must be done as a family discussion right from start and usually needs trusts that other offspring would be involved in anyway as trustees. That’s a different kettle of fish and even there I assume parents have to work hard to reassure remaining children that they are no less loved..it’s just there isn’t an option

Friendship101 · 13/06/2022 16:40

Should be split equally amongst the children

Original poster
Pupdate292 · 13/06/2022 16:41

quesalvia it's been left to the second wife and son. When she dies the house will go to the son.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 13/06/2022 16:41

Very harsh especially if they were not aware he was going to do it and his reasons.

was it a big estate?

I mean I guess the current wife needs the money to enjoy her life, perhaps when she passes they will get something?

EmilyBolton · 13/06/2022 16:43

Jedsnewstar · 13/06/2022 16:34

Agree it is not an issue of need but an issue of priorities. He doesn’t have to leave money but he has essentially said his 2nd family is more important.

Show quote history

This is a good way of putting it

Friendship101 · 13/06/2022 16:43

My brother lives abroad, is very wealthy and has all the luxuries you describe. We live in a modest house, both work, afford some luxuries but nothing like what DB has. I live near my parents and support as much as I can and am much closer to them. I fully expect parents to split things equally. When I am helped out financially by parents such as them paying for a washing machine when it unexpectedly breaks on Boxing Day, DB is also given the same amount of money. And I’m glad it happens like that.

MissConductUS · 13/06/2022 16:43

It's perfectly normal for a surviving spouse to get everything. They likely have mirror wills that deal with the children.

Noisyprat · 13/06/2022 16:43

Personally I think it's wrong and very sexist. Essentially he left nothing to people who are his own flesh and blood.

It sounds as though his daughters are not independently wealthy just living off their rich husbands.

I assume his girls didn't know? That's also shocking, he sounds horrible.

Original poster
Pupdate292 · 13/06/2022 16:44

Quitelikeit I dont know how much it was but the second wife lives a modest life and son lead modest lives so I dont think it was a life changing amount. Enough to keep her comfortable through retirement and the son will eventually have around £250k from the property when she dies. I dont know how much he had in the will.

OP posts:
BattenburgDonkey · 13/06/2022 16:44

It’s quite awful, his daughters have no jobs, money of their own, if their husbands die or leave theyl have nothing. What if one was desperate to leave and this could have been their only opportunity to have their own money? He should have left it equally.

Original poster
Pupdate292 · 13/06/2022 16:44

Noisyprat no, the girls didn't know.

OP posts:
WeeOrcadian · 13/06/2022 16:45

It should've been split equally - end of.

Noisyprat · 13/06/2022 16:47

How sad for them, this will affect their relationship with their step Mum.

Things like this are the reason all my money is going directly to my children. You often you hear a parent remarries and all the money goes to the second spouse. I would be willing to bet this is more common with men.

harriethoyle · 13/06/2022 16:48

No issue with him leaving everything to his wife but dreadful behaviour to leave it to one child of three. Really shocking.