It's an inheritance one

[Pupdate292]

I'll just type out the scenario and leave it to the vote, I'm a relative to someone in the family and I'm kind of stuck in the middle of it all. Just looking for an outsiders perspective.

So the man has 2 daughters from his first marriage. He re marries a divorcee who has a 2 year old son. His girls are around 8 years old at this point. They all have a happy upbringing, the man is close to his girls and also treats his step son as his own. His 2nd wife does the same with her step daughters.

Fast forward to today. The daughters are both happily married to very wealthy men, want for nothing. The son is also happily married, not as wealthy but has a mortgage on his own home, is in a good job, enjoys holidays abroad etc.

The man has sadly died and left nothing in his will to his daughters. It's all been left to his 2nd wife and son.

Yanbu- that's wrong, he should have left something to the daughters even though they are now very wealthy

Yabu-the daughters don't need the money, he was right to leave everything to his 2nd wife and her son as their need is greater.

God I'd be so hurt. It should have been split equally.

If the man felt like this (and I see his point) he should have discussed it with his girls when he made the will to ensure it didn't come as a surprise and they understood his reasons.

I don't think I could do it with my children even if one or two were wealthy. What if they got divorced and were left high and dry, what if they couldn't work due to accident or injury?

People really should discuss these things ahead of time. So much hurt is caused by mismatched expectations.

This man obviously feels wife and stepson need the money more but didn't consider how being completely disinherited would feel for his daughters.

This doesn’t sound straightforward tbh.

It really depends on how the will is written. If he has left the property to the stepson with a clause that his mother be allowed to live there until she dies, then it is blatantly obvious that he’s left nothing to his other children.

However, if he’s left the house to his wife, with a clause that the stepson inherit it when she dies then he actually can’t dictate that. Once the house is transferred into the wife’s name it becomes her’s, and regardless of what is written in his will he loses control over that portion once she owns the house, and it is in fact the wife who will be able to dictate who the house is left to.

If she’s a decent human being she will split the cost of the house in 3, but only time will tell on that one.

In the meantime it’s perfectly normal for the proceeds of someone’s estate to go to their spouse.

What a lasting memory of your own father, regardless, it should have been split in a way everyone got something, or a conversation should have happened.

I don't understand how you're talking about the marital home as if it doesn't belong to his wife also? Wills with a long marriage and marital wealth surely should go to surviving spouse?

You have no idea what is in the wife's will. When my FiL died, he left everything to my MiL, nothing in particular to his sons, I would have thought that was pretty normal. That's how my will is written too - if my husband survives me, everything goes to him. If not, then it goes down to our kids. Has anything actually been left to the stepson by name in the husband's will?

My ExH died and left everything to his 2nd wife apart from a property in France where their inheritance laws state that all descendants must receive a share. And the most hurtful part was that my DDs were not referred to by name at any point. Mine and my DH have mirrored wills that specifically reference all our respective DCs by name and regardless of how well they do with careers or marriages, the proceeds of our estates will be distributed equally.

How sad for his girls. It's not about the money, it's the choice he's made to exclude them.

In moat circumstances, property is held jointly and goes to the co owner. Dad and step mum were clearly married decades. Leaving her the house etc surely makes sense. The dbro may not inherit from his mother.
I can see his logic.

Has it gone to his son or to his wife?

I think it's hard on the "girls" but by this time, all his money is a marital asset imo so completely right that it should go to his wife.

What she does is up to her, it would be nice to think she included the daughters she "treated as her own".

I don't expect to inherit when my first parent dies, it will all go to the other parent and this is the same thing really.

Sounds like it’s been left to his wife, then for his wife to decide when she dies, which I’d say is quite normal but you’d hope she’d then split between the 3 kids.

I think leaving 2 of his children out really makes a point. Are the girls independently wealthy or just that their husbands ate wealthy? That's two very different things. Seems like everyone gets a long so he should have spoken with his daughters about this if he wants everyone to still get a long. If I was a millionaire, I'd be happy to leave my state to my sibling. But I would not be happy to be blindsided at a will reading.

If there was an explanation in the will of the reasoning behind the decision then won’t that help the daughters understand that it wasn’t about them being excluded or disfavoured but their father’s way of acknowledging the practical reality that for people who want for nothing with what sounds like a lot of money to throw about, the modest inheritance money would have very little impact, in comparison with making their brother’s life more comfortable?

I think if I were independently very wealthy but my brothers weren’t, I’d not be terribly upset at my share of the inheritance being given to them.

Spot on TheSmallAssassin. Unless there was a specified sum to the son, then nothing unusual's happened. Many/most wills avoid distrubuting to the next generation until the surviving partner's died for the simple reason that no one knows how much there is to distribute.

Think if left to wife (not step son) then that's normal - if stepson is specifically mentioned in the will and his DDs are not that seems very odd.

Out of curiosity will the DDs inherit from their DM (the first wife)?

Maybe that motivated him too

I dont know specifics just that it's all gone to the wife and son and the girls have had nothing.

The dsughters are my cousins however I'm also close to my auntie. The fall out from it has been terrible. Cousins have cut all contact, auntie is devastated but also refusing to give them anything as she's following her DHs wishes and doesn't understand how they can begrudge her and her son when they are far wealthier than them.

The whole things a mess.

Minefield...
So much so that I encourage everyone to have zero expectations of any inheritance. Yeah of course in reality parents look at "need" not what is truly equal split. Some caveat that with saying it's only certain types of "need" that mean imbalance is totally reasonable, like medical or education or housing, but "needs" comes into it, nearly always. Eg., My aunt is in my grandmother's house as long as she wants (could be sold to split proceeds among 6 siblings) because aunt can't afford to live elsewhere. If aunt dies/leaves first, I know my dad & his brother will donate their share back to the other siblings declaring the others have greater "need" themselves.

in my experience, surviving spouse in a 2nd marriage usually hoovers up all the marital money for only their own biological descendants. This will happen to me, I predict.

Completely normal way for things to go even if not ideal, in my experience.

It sounds a standard arrangement where the spouse inherits everything. It will then be dependent on the wife's will.

I wonder if the wife just has no intention to leave the DDs anything and is spinning it that it was a joint decision. Sometimes if you order a copy of the grant of probate from the government website, the will is included. That would clear up the situation.

Will the girls inherit from their biological mother?

Anyway, in my view he should have left everything to wife 2, with a proviso that on her death, that proportion of her estate that she inherited from him should be split equally between the three children, with the remainder of the estate for her to decide.

My neighbours have some sort of arrangement similar to that - second marriage for both with natural & step children & grandchildren on both sides. Very complicated, but when NDN explained it to me it seemed fair.

But why does your brother accept the money? You do a lot for them so in their position I'd want to treat you occasionally. That doesn't mean he should get that too.

Whatever he did, he should have informed the whole family. Wills should not have big surprises.

And he should have shared with the daughters. Otherwise they feel unloved and there is a breakdown in trust in the whole family.

Really awful of the father to behave like this, but sadly so typical. It reminds me to put something in place in case I predecease my DH, so that my half of our money is ringfenced for our DC.

My mum and dad had mirror wills. When he died everything was left to my mum. It wasn’t until she died 10 years later that my brother and I inherited anything. That seemed perfectly reasonable to us. I guess we didn’t have any step siblings though.

Is it possible that he’s left everything to his wife? And they assume that she is going to leave it all to her son? She may well do, I guess? I have a feeling my exH will do the same, leave everything to his current wife and eventually her son (from a previous relationship) will inherit.

I think my response depends on how much the estate is. It doesn't sound as though it is especially large. Realistically, should his widow need to go into a care home, all her assets will be absorbed by that and there won't be much left to pass down to anyone.