It's an inheritance one

[Pupdate292]

I'll just type out the scenario and leave it to the vote, I'm a relative to someone in the family and I'm kind of stuck in the middle of it all. Just looking for an outsiders perspective.

So the man has 2 daughters from his first marriage. He re marries a divorcee who has a 2 year old son. His girls are around 8 years old at this point. They all have a happy upbringing, the man is close to his girls and also treats his step son as his own. His 2nd wife does the same with her step daughters.

Fast forward to today. The daughters are both happily married to very wealthy men, want for nothing. The son is also happily married, not as wealthy but has a mortgage on his own home, is in a good job, enjoys holidays abroad etc.

The man has sadly died and left nothing in his will to his daughters. It's all been left to his 2nd wife and son.

Yanbu- that's wrong, he should have left something to the daughters even though they are now very wealthy

Yabu-the daughters don't need the money, he was right to leave everything to his 2nd wife and her son as their need is greater.

It seems like most of the posters here think children from 1st marriage deserve nothing.
I have two children, 3 and 8 Years old and in my will I have left them everything I have, 50:50. In case I die, I know my husband can not cheat my children of their inheritance in case he decides to marry again. I expect him to do the same, to leave everything in his will to our children, and nothing to me.

I'll be devil's advocate here. When the Dad got together with wife no. 2, did he pay maintenance to their mother? Did the 2nd wife work? Did the 1st wife? If the 2nd wife both worked and spent time raising his daughters, why do you think she should lose the roof over her head when he dies? Especially as it's a modest roof.

It’s the nasty surprise that must hurt. If he had had an open discussion with them when making the will, this could have been avoided. They may have even agreed with his logic and just asked for a sentimental item, perhaps.

I agree with others that wealth and life circumstances can change in the time between making a will and dying. Although I’ve heard of cases where a family has agreed to prioritise a disabled individual, for example.

Surely the ‘right’ thing to do would have been to leave it all to his wife, with the agreement that on her death, his half would be split between his daughters, and the other half to the wife’s son.

That could all get murky if she remarried or decides to cut them out of her will. But how can you not leave it all to your wife if she’s only living modestly? Otherwise she’d have to sell the house!

there‘s no ‘should’ when it comes to inheritance imo, and no entitlement. It’s up to the person who owns it to decide what they want to do with it.

I can see some parallels here to my own life. I’ve got money in my own right, and I also ‘married well’. My brother has less, comparatively. I have no idea what is in either of my parents wills, whether it’s been split equally or whether my brother has more. Or maybe they’ve left it all to the cats home. I don’t care. It’s not my money and I have no expectation of it.

There would have been nothing wrong with him leaving it just to his wife. That's the normal outcome if no will (generally speaking), and makes sense with shared finances. However as he has chosen also to leave money to his son that makes it more difficult to justify.

Regardless of what his situation is he was cowardly not to tell them while he was alive. It must be very hurtful for them.

Surely the ‘right’ thing to do would have been to leave it all to his wife, with the agreement that on her death, his half would be split between his daughters, and the other half to the wife’s son.

If he wasn't wealthy when he divorced wife no. 1, then most of his assets and income would be tied up with his first family. 2nd wife may well have carried more of the financial load for their marital home throughout their marriage.

I'm amazed how many people think it's normal to leave just to spouse. Times have changed, I would never do this because as soon as that spouse remarries their partner entitled to 50% regardless of what is in the surviving spouse will. Many men seem to need to have a partner and you frequently hear how quickly they 'move on'.

This thread seems to be full of women who aren't protecting their own DC, it's sad to read.

Was he of sound mind when he died? Or could his wife have talked him into changing the will in their favour? She could share if she wanted to, I don’t think it’s got anything to do with wanting to carry out his final wishes.

He should have just left it all to his wife and let her give some to her son if she wanted.

OP is the house owned jointly, see even if it's not, you have to factor in the amount she has put into it over the years, I think if it's solely his house he leaves to his wife, then perhaps his half goes to his daughters and then her half goes to her son on her death

It sounds like he has left her the house that I presume has been her home for many years and the daughters have their own homes. It would be unreasonable to expect her to sell the house and split the money at this point. What the Dad could have done is asked for her inheritance to be split 3 ways between all of the children.

The easy response is that everything should be 'fair', but I'm also torn about the right of everyone to do what the hell they want with their money. If he thought his daughters didn't need it and his wife did, that's up to him and it's not for anyone, including his daughters, to pass judgement. I had a similar thing with a grandmother, we weren't close at all and she left her estate to my cousins. In my view it was the right thing to do; one of my cousins visited her daily and was super close, I barely saw the women. Blanket 'fair' doesn't really work in real life.
Ultimately he did what he wanted with his money and so it was the right thing to do.

My post didn't make sense, I meant her will could have been arranged in such a way that it is split 3 ways.

It sounds to me like he hasn't actually left anything to the son, but rather it is assumed that she will leave the house to her son.

If that’s truly how they feel, what can the aunt do to change it? If she decides to give them money, it won’t change the fact that they perceive their father didn’t love them, as any money they get was not bequeathed to them by their father. So why would they want this money, unless it actually is about the money?

I know what’s in my mother’s will. It’s not an equal split between all her children. One benefits considerably more than the rest of us. I don’t know exactly why, though I have an idea as to why. I wouldn’t dream of asking my mother for an explanation, or of telling her she should divide things equally. It’s her money, it’s her decision. I’m not entitled to it. Anything I do inherit will be a bonus to me but tinged with huge loss and grief.

If this is the case, it would probably have been wiser not to marry.

It is not that straightforward to completely disinherit your spouse. Your husband can challenge your will.

tempester28 my cousins would never have expected their step mum to sell the family home while shes alive, rather a 3 way split in her will.

I think there must have been family tensions over the years that I've not been aware of. Maybe they've felt unfairly treated in other ways or feel that their step mum has encouraged this to favour their step brother or maybe if their dad had just spoken to them about it and explained it. I've no personal experience of step families but I can imagine they're quite complicated, even when everyone, on the surface of it, gets along.

Yanbu. Shitty thing to do to his daughters.

Is it clear what the son has been left?

What happened to the daughters' mother/Gps?

How did the daughters decide to approach the stepmother about this? If they were angry and demanding then I can fully understand why she’d be resistant to the notion of splitting it with them.

Also, in the case of modest assets, I think a lot of people would balk at splitting them to make rich people richer. Especially so in the case of an older person in need of money to live comfortably in retirement/ pay for future care.

You must love paying tax. That’s the most inefficient tax arrangement possible.

Quite normal that everything would be left to the (long standing) second wife. I would be interested to know if anything has indeed been left to the step son or whether they’re just assuming that he’ll get everything on his mother’s death? I think the second wife should maybe have offered them som keepsakes but I don’t think she had any further obligation.

Also agree that a lot of people here really need to look into the way inheritance tax works!!

In the circumstances, I can see the logic of leaving the majority of the estate to the wife.

If the girls are genuinely loaded and the boy isn't, I also get the logic of only leaving cash to him and not the other kids, but the dad should have been less of a coward and had that conversation with everyone whilst alive, rather than left his wife to deal with his mess. That's the worst bit about the will - not considering how his loved ones would react or worse, realising how they would, and deliberately avoiding confronting it head on.

I also think he should have left a specific token item to the girls so they at least had something to remember him by and knew he was thinking of them right to the end. It didn't have to be something valuable, just something very him - like his watch, or a collection of family photos, etc.

I think the wife is handling this badly, TBH. I don't think she should necessarily seek to vary the will, but assuming the will was a shock to her as well, she should have been gentle in how it was communicated, stressed how much she knew their dad loved them, and asked if there was a personal item they wanted to take as a memento.

Grief is awful, and many people automatically equate cash with love following a death. You have to head that off and explain in kind words that cash and love are not the same things. Neither the dad or the stepmum have done that, and that's why the girls are reeling. Not only have their lost their dad, but the way this has been handled, they've lost the memory of their dad too.

Half to 2nd wife, half to daughters. Up to wife #2 how she splits her share - she'll be leaving it all to her son in the end anyway.