Can you tell someone is an only child?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

I’ve had few times people say to me ”Oh, that males sense!” after they found oit I’m an only child.
What does that mean?

Also, why is there stereotype that only children are selfish and don’t care about others?
I’ve never seen correlation between selfishness and being an only child.
Plenty of people that have siblings has been selfish.

This winds me up - my dd is an only - had secondary infertility so totally not my choice for her to be and l have worked so hard to make sure she isn't spoilt and yet still people say oh you can tell!! They usually then follow it up by saying she is really mature but it's not true at all the onlies are spoilt and selfish at all.

People only ever say this stuff when they already know. Like ‘oh I KNEW you were an Aries.’ But they only KNEW after you told them and they then fit everything they knew about you into that.

In answer, no not really. Some things might make sense. For example if my 11 year old is good with babies then says he has three young siblings a friend’s parent might say ah that makes sense. But if he said he was an only child they’d probably then say oh that’s why he loves babies, because he’s never been around them so they’re a novelty.

I think people from bigger families are far more selfish than only children. However I think people brought up in the rough and tumble of family life can find things easier. Having said that I know plenty of big family people who are unsociableMIL

People parrot stupid stereotypes.

Depending on each individual, their parents, their whole family and upbringing, there will be things that affect later behaviour.

But everyone loves to stereotype every only child.

Yes, not that I can tell every person who is an only child is one but if someone displays certain behaviours I can tell they are an only child. I have an only child and I can see it in him and his dad is an only child and I can see it in him too. It’s not really being selfish, they’d have to consider other people first for that. It’s more their own needs are first and foremost, to me being selfish is knowing someone else might have wants and needs and then deciding your own are more important.

To me it’s more they wouldn’t think of others unless asked by that other person? Both of them are very kind and empathetic but have their own self front and centre and I can’t criticise that?

I was very spoilt but I'm not an only child. I never had to share with my siblings and even as an adult my sharing skills are shocking.

They can’t tell. People just like to feel “right”. They can guess but that’s about it.

Maybe you Ds had just learned that from his Dad and if he had had siblings all of them would have learned it.

No. In fact, to take one stereotype, I think only children are sometimes better at sharing simply because they've never had to worry about siblings taking their stuff and therefore aren't as possessive about stuff because they've never had to fight over their toys! So they don't have that kind of context.

But it's bollocks. Thinking of my own friends, some of whom are only children and others not, they are all just individuals.

What were you doing or saying when they said that they could tell you were an only child? They must give you a clue into what behaviour they think makes it apparent surely? N

I'm an only. This wound me up hugely. I was told constantly when I was growing up that I was selfish and spoiled. I was most certainly not. Conversely, my dad, one of three, could be ridiculously selfish and my mum, one of five... Well that's a thread in itself. Indeed, I was the bottom of the priority chain in my house and far from being spoiled, while I was fed and had a roof over my head but birthdays would be one present. Christmas would be one present. While my parents bought expensive designer clothes (they were comfortably off) mine came from seconds shops.

I'm not loving being an only child now. My dad's no longer alive, my mum is in poor health and I'm all alone with dealing with it while neglecting what I think is quite complex grief over my dad.

I get it often.

Always after the interaction I can see like a previous poster said they make it fit. They say I'm spoiled etc.

My DH says it a lot but it's because I eat slowly, I say to him to slow down and taste his food he's like nope, you're an only child you don't understand we had to inhale it! I can laugh that off and it's mentioned every time we eat with his family.

Nope I can't tell.

I agree.

DD is an only and when she was young I would say she was actually very good at sharing because of the novelty of having someone to share with IYSWIM.

Mind you she also went to nursery from nine months so was thoroughly used to being around other children.

Observing friends and family with more than one DC they always seemed to be competing with each other for attention, which DD always appeared to be baffled by.

Actually when we had other children round for parties or whatever I always felt I could tell the only children because they were the ones who appeared to be more used to having conversations with and interacting with adults.

@madnessitellyou I'm an only. Only child of two only children . DH is one of three. DH and I have agreed he'll be respnsible for his mother; me for mine. His two sisters do diddly squat. So you don't have to be an only to end up as principle carer. Funnily enough MIL is one of 5 and as a former school teacher has always been free with her opinion of only children being spoilt. She is greedy, selfish, and has a very unkind streak.

I find it most odd.

All of the 'only child' that I've met are lovely adults. Met plenty of people with siblings have messed up sibling relationships and insecurities and issues because of it. I include myself in that!

I think being an only child was quite rare when I was younger: I only had one friend at school who was one. Bet it will become much more common now.

The most selfish person I know is the middle of 5.

every firstborn is an ‘only’ (at least for a while) so is every eldest child a selfish, spoiled so and so?

I don’t think I can tell. I do know some only children who fulfil the stereotypes but also know some who most definitely don’t. And it is made more complex by those who are technically not only children but are effectively raised as only children as they are the youngest by many many years.

Having said that I can often spot an eldest child. They seem to often have particular “qualities” that stand out to me. (I’m an eldest child.) As a child / teenager most of my friends were eldest children. My husband is a middle child though.

The only time someone said it to me was when I said I would hate a holiday with a big group of people and I would only ever want to go with my family - they said that was such an only child thing because growing up in a big family you get used to having loads of people around all the time.

I get it a lot. But, not in a negative way, it's always said when my independence is mentioned. I've never been called selfish, headstrong lol but not selfish.

They're the same people who think they can spot a middle child and the "baby of the family". It's all nonsense.

If I were to stereotype only children I would say independent, self sufficient, intelligent and generous with their time.

Nearly all only children I know (some now adults) can be described this way.
The one who doesn’t fit neatly into my this stereotype is the most indulged, selfish, needy, insecure, ego driven man I have ever met.

Just goes to show, Everyone is different aren’t they?

You can't tell who is an only child. You can tell who was a spoilt only child though.

I've known many only children growing up, and the plus side is that they're incredibly confident as they've never had to share the love from their parents.

The downside is that they can be very uncompromising and entitled!

My DP is an only. The difference I see is that they are unable to understand a sibling bond. If I say that of course I'll do x for my DS, she's my DS, my DP doesn't get it.
For me it's not about sharing parent/toy/ time, it's more about being part of a smaller team IYSWIM.
When DB was left without any money while travelling, DP couldn't get why I hacked his digital banking and got him cash sorted.
Stereotypes are a pain in the hole, but my DS is one of the worst sharers I know. She's jealous, manipulative and competitive. She ticks more boxes for being an only than my DP most of the time.