Can you tell someone is an only child?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

I’ve had few times people say to me ”Oh, that males sense!” after they found oit I’m an only child.
What does that mean?

Also, why is there stereotype that only children are selfish and don’t care about others?
I’ve never seen correlation between selfishness and being an only child.
Plenty of people that have siblings has been selfish.

I’m an only child of an only child. What traits did they show, out of interest? I’m really curious about this!

Most siblings give unfiltered unflinching feedback in a way very few parents would have the heart do which is very useful eradicating any negative personality traits

This thread would be hilarious with all the utter bullshit that's being presented as fact if it wasn't so incredibly offensive.

I love the idea that people with siblings are never selfish, never, bores, self righteous or self centred and are always willing to share and put others first and have no negative personality traits. My experience with my 30+ cousins and other people tells me that's far from true though.

If that were true, no one or few people with siblings would ever be arseholes and that’s clearly not the case

One thing I will say is that I am very, very driven and I am a planner to ensure things stay on track and I achieve what I want. I also tend to go about things quietly. The complete opposite of my mother who is also an only. Far more like father who was also. I don't talk over people and I don't give mixed signals or false information.

Both mother and father in different ways could work a room. I had to teach DH that.

I think there is also something about material security. Mother inherited everything from her parents; I will inherit everything from mother. Similarly I have inherited everything from father although he started with nothing.

Many only parents seem to struggle with the noise and chaos of multiple children when they have them. Especially arguments between children! Some self aware only parents often prefer only child as a result

I’m an only of an only and I have 3 kids, would have 4 if I didn’t have such crappy pregnancies, and I don’t think it’s any harder for me than someone who’s had siblings. Maybe the initial part of learning to feed and change a baby as I’d never done it before DS1 but that comes pretty quickly.

Also as you can see might struggle with constructive honest feed back 😂

I am surprised how prickly some pp are! Clearly take life very /too seriously

Nope, just having a conversation about it and you seem unable to actually elaborate on or back up any claims. I’m guessing you just dislike a particular only child and have decided to tar all of us with the same brush.

I don't think you can tell who is an only child as an adult at all. The only children I have met at work and as friends have been no more selfish than anyone else. I can think of one or two who were particularly kind.

Well the constant bickering of siblings, the jealousy, the attention seeking, is a pain in the arse, tbh. My kids, and those of other bigger families, were always more of a pain at Mum get togethers than the ‘enfants unique’ that didn’t need constant refereeing or demand sibling-competitive attention.

Or…is bullying of younger siblings by older.

A couple of my siblings are among the most selfish and jealous people i’ve ever had the displeasure of encountering. I think it comes from there not being enough to go around when we were growing up.

What a horrid comment- and based on your narrow experience only

im an only child and believe me I consider everyone else’s needs above mine all the time

the reason? Probably because as an only child I got conditioned to thinking I need to be kind and put others first to have long lasting friends - because I didn’t have ready made siblings

so actually your thinking about only children being the same is bull

My 2nd husband is an only and I found it hugely obvious when we were first together. After we had a child he has changed a lot and if it is not so evident now.

I’ll never understand the huge deal about sharing. It’s not as if adults are any good at sharing -
not the road, not the air waves, bloody nothing. So many seeking dominance.

I think it’s mightily unfair to expect a small child to share a precious possession. Why should they?

I actually do think I can tell only children - not consciously, but I've been drawn to them over and over again (I'm not one). DH is an only (of an only) as was my serious long-term boyfriend before him, my closest and oldest friend is an only and so are a disproportionate number of my other close friends. So I think there are common (not universal) traits, but positive ones that I find myself drawn to. The onlies I know tend to have a quiet confidence, are less prone to attention-seeking and are thoughtful individuals. I don't think they're more selfish; as others have said, they have much less of a tendency to hoard, which I've noticed as really pronounced in children of large families. The one thing I would say is that the ones I know are all people who like things 'just so', which I think is easier as a child to achieve if you don't have siblings, but I think that's a mixed trait not a negative one.

I do think that birth order shapes people quite a lot - I'm quite a 'classic' elder sibling.

I've never understood why people see an only child as a bad thing or a sadness, outside any sadness for the parents if it wasn't a choice. I have two and I love having two and would never choose to be without DS2, but there are clear gains and losses from having a sibling, and I do sometimes think about how much more of myself I could give one child than the two I have.

I'm one of three but the gap between me and older siblings is large. For a long time it was just me and mum together because they had left home. So effectively spent most of my childhood as an only. So the whole "typical only" thing is as bullshit as the "typical blonde" thing, in my view.

I have had someone in an educational setting use the ‘only child’ stereotype to me as an explanation of a child’s (not great) behaviour. I was flabbergasted to be honest. I thought that nonsense had been stamped out.

I too had a complete nightmare conceiving and holding onto my second child. The pain that came with that whole experience was unbelievable. My DP is also an only and whilst not perfect in all respects, non of his faults have been caused by this fact im sure.

With children, I'd say generally yes. They have a unique way of being around both other children and adults in my experience. I don't think it's necessarily good or bad (although in younger years I do find them much harder work on play dates as they seem to expect much more adult input - my favourite play day guests are third children who just get on with it!!). Being an only has many advantages and disadvantages - just like any other family dynamic.

With adults, generally no. Although I have two friends who are onlys and they definite display quite a lot of the stereotypical behaviour characteristics for only children.

I can only go by my actual experiences and seeing some of my only friends really dislike the intense noise and squabbles between children. She had much more patience than most of us though and definitely doesn’t put herself before her children.
I don’t think only people are any different in any meaningful way, but we were asked if we can sometimes tell, and the answer is yes sometimes I can. There are many good qualities as well.
I hope my dd has an only, far less demanding in my view

My DD (13) is an only child and not remotely selfish, she's the sweetest, kindest person I know, extremely empathetic and always caring about the feelings of others. The only thing I would say that I am pretty sure is as a result of her being an only child is how emotionally mature she is, I think as a result of being only around adults so much of the time - I don't think this would be the case if she had siblings as a distraction. I think she is also more tuned in to mine and her dad's lives than she would be if she had the distraction of siblings. She did say that her form tutor guessed she was an only child so I guess it must show in some way.

I found that too on play dates adlitem and a keenness to talk to the adults rather than play with the children they were here to see.

Agree with @Oinkypig to a degree. I'm an only and while it's made me independent and very happy in my own company, (I travel and dine out alone without a second thought) sharing and considering the needs / wants of others just doesn't come naturally. Importantly though I'm very aware of that as an adult and work hard all the time to be mindful and overcome it. Sometimes to my detriment, if I'm honest.

Agree that selfishness to me is knowing that others have wants / needs and just ploughing on wilfully ignoring them. The most selfish person I know is an only, but then so is the kindest and most thoughtful person I know.