Can you tell someone is an only child?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

I’ve had few times people say to me ”Oh, that males sense!” after they found oit I’m an only child.
What does that mean?

Also, why is there stereotype that only children are selfish and don’t care about others?
I’ve never seen correlation between selfishness and being an only child.
Plenty of people that have siblings has been selfish.

I know this won't be popular to say, but I think sometimes you can tell. In kids and teenagers sometimes (not always) only children can come across a bit smarter (perhaps sometimes had more investment in them), a little less socially aware, and sometimes a bit more 'adult'. As adults sometimes can come across a bit more socially awkward or lacking the ability to form close age appropriate friends

Obviously this is based on a small sample, and probably can't be generalised. And there are loads of only child people out there who I'm sure you couldn't tell and are no different to those with siblings etc..

I have an only child friend who tells me she is traumatised because she saw her DF drunk ONCE as a ten year old (no violence or vomit or anything like that, just stumbling around). Nobody with siblings would lose perspective like that. We'd just laugh about it.

Thats not an only child thing, that’s definitely a your friend thing - I’m an only child and I’d just laugh about that as well. It’s a strange thing to be traumatised by.

I think with some people you can tell and others you can’t. I can tell my SIL is an only child but not with my niece.

I can't tell but then none of my friends , now or growing up, were only children. If anybody I work with is, I wouldn't know.

Once of my closest friends is an only, as is my old university boyfriend (amicable break up). Both highly sociable, kind and generous people. My friend is probably the least selfish person I know, and is one of those people who would drop everything to come to your aid. And I have a sibling who fits every only child stereotype.

Much prefer "je suis fille unique"

No you bloody well can't unless they tell you!

I hate sodding only child cliched & outdated stereotypes. Nobody makes a massive fuss about having siblings. BIL3 is far, far more spoiled, greedy, juvenile & disagreeable than any only I've met.

There was another couple of 'only' stereotypes up thread. We are apparent spoiled with the undivided time of both parents, also spoiled with material things and have access to the best education. Why do people think onlys have 2 x doting parents who are still together, who have bags of cash and have the drive that their child should have the best education. Just not true !

On a lighter note, as an only married to an identical twin I like to joke that I'm the unique one 🤣

Yanbu

@madnessitellyou I'm not loving being an only child now. My dad's no longer alive, my mum is in poor health and I'm all alone with dealing with it while neglecting what I think is quite complex grief over my dad.

I am sorry you are dealing with this 💐. I am also an only and although have both parents still around, I am watching them go downhill, one in particular, and it is brutal doing it alone.

I'm an only as is my DS. I used to get the you must be spoilt. And I was by attention from my DF but not materially. I and my DS share well and get on with everyone. I think only children look outside for friendships. But we both value our alone time and have an inner life.

My DM was one of 5 and the most selfish person to walk the planet. The only thought in her head was her, what she could get, how she could do people over all glossed with ridiculous jealousy.

I've got an ex friend who is one of 2 and unbelievably selfish, jealous and attention seeking.

If they are selfish it’s because they don’t know any different as it’s always been just them & their parents. I think sometimes they’re more like adults than kids as their parents treat them as such.

They were talking rubbish. Both dh and I had siblings and would hate a group holiday

I have memories for example of not being 'allowed' to order a burger at macdonalds or pizza at a pizza restaurant because that's what my DB liked and he wouldn't let me have the same thing as him (I'd have nuggets or pasta instead so it wasn't like I starved).There is a steady stream of small and fairly innocuous unfairnesses and compromises like that which children with siblings experience and that teach them that they aren't special.

It doesn't sound like your brother learned compromise or that he wasn't special by having siblings? And I don't think that's a standard dynamic either - my brother and I didn't treat each other like that and my parents wouldn't have allowed us to.

Yes, I can think of a few people where I thought 'ah, that's why'

I can think of a few specific reasons, but also something I can't quite put my finger on. It's hard to describe. A bit like how you can tell a horse person is a horse person before you know they tell you they're a horse person.

The point is that a lone parent with one child on minimum wage still has more time and money to give to an only child than if the same was shared between two or more children.

Maybe you're taking one stereotype and assuming it's an insult? I have a friend who was an only, who is therefore extremely good at making friends and has a very wide social circle. It might be that they're thinking you're independent or determined, or that you're good socialising with a wide range of ages. Could be anything. Ask next time.

Yes. My dd says when uni friends were discussing who got the best room for eg. the only ones just assumed their wanting it was enough whereas those with siblings came up with arguments as to why.

Yes you can tell sometimes. I find onlys can be impatient and think the world revolves around them. I'm best friends with an only and my DS is too also DS dad is!

There's no way you can relate to sibling life if you have never shares the journey and experience of having a sibling. So clearly you must have traits as an only but this isn't to say onlys are any less worthy!

My best friend is very assertive and confident. DS is popular and quite a people's person.

My husband is an only child. He’s not selfish and certainly wasn’t spoilt, but he can’t delegate and he can never ask for help. This might be more that his parents weren’t interested in him, but I don’t know if it’s to do with being an only child.

Oh such an interesting thread. As an only I was desperate for many children. We struggled a bit and did manage two - I was determined DS wouldn't be an only but DH would have stopped at one, as the eldest of three.

One way you can tell that someone was an only child is by the crap they post about big families. Case in point ⤴️

I'm an only child. I like to think that i'm caring, compassionate, eager to share and would give someone the shirt off my own back. I agree with a PP who mentioned about not understanding the sibling bond. DH is one of three and, yeah, I don't get the relationship he has with his siblings. But, so what? I don't need to understand it. Would it be nice to have a sibling to chat to? Probably, but you don't miss what you've never had.

Being an only has forced me to be independent, outgoing and as a result I have lots of friends. Admittedly, I can be a bit bossy, which was probably insufferable when I was a kid but, as an adult, it has made me a bit of an unofficial leader and organiser which people (at least to my face) seem to appreciate. DH is completely scatterbrained by comparison.

My son is an only, though not by choice. He's 5 and has the selfish mentality of most kids his age when dealing with me and DH but is good at sharing with his friends and always lets others take a turn. I'm hoping that, as an adult, he turns out to be as decent a human being as I think I am 🤷🏼‍♀️